Painted On My Heart
by Cylann
Summary: She's a teenage punk chick with layers of talent and he's a jaded music producer working with a new band. When they meet, it's just for lessons. This is the story of meeting someone you never expected, and choosing what you're going to do about it.
1. Chapter 1

This is a story I've been working on for a little while, as with all my stories it is also posted on DLS and there are more chappies available there. Leave a review so I know if I should post this here also and tell me what you think. ENJOY!

**Chapter 1**

She heard the annoying noise playing a beat by her head and surfaced from her turbulent dreams to realize it was Green Day's Know Your Enemy. She had certainly been in a bad mood when she had programmed that as her ring tone. Jude Harrison growled angrily as she glanced at her alarm clock. It wasn't even six in the freakin' morning and she was not an early riser, preferring a few extra Z's and an occasional detention even.

"What the hell?" she snarled as she flipped open her cell phone and pressed it to her ear. There was a tired chuckle on the other end from a deep baritone voice that had her focusing a little more.

"Sorry Darling, I know it's early--"

"Walt, what's up?" Her voice warmed considerably as she spoke to her longtime friend and mentor the legendary Walt Havoc, not that that was his real name, but he had always refused to tell her the name he was born with. She had even tried to Google it once, but there had been so many hits she had given up after the first five pages. Even though he regretted choosing Havoc as a stage name it had stuck and now so many years later it hardly seemed to matter.

"You know the new student I have?"

"Yeah of course. You made it all confidential and mysterious like, it kinda left an impression." He gave another short laugh. "So what's up?" she asked again.

"My sister Virginia got in a car accident last night."

"Oh my God, is she--"

"She'll be fine, it's just she fractured her hip and can't really get around so I'm flying to Michigan to stay with her for a while. So I really need you to do me a favor and take over my lessons with that student."

"Yeah of course. Do I get his fees?" she asked slyly.

"Jude--I'll split it down the middle," he conceded, knowing his client had demanded him personally and only Jude could fill in. "Just remember you can't let his name leak to anyone. So it's Monday, Tuesday and Thursday's. 7:15."

"Okay Walt, don't worry I got it. Call me when you can okay?"

"Thanks Darling."

"Wait, who--" He had already hung up and she sighed figuring she would soon find out. She glanced at the clock and groaned, knowing there was no way she could fall asleep again and turned on the stereo instead.

* * *

On the other side of Toronto yet another late sleeper was subject to an early morning phone call.

"What?!" Was all Tommy Quincy growled with the phone pressed to his severe bed head. Walt rolled his eyes; what were the chances that he would get snapped at twice before it was even seven a.m.?

"Sorry Tom, it's Walt."

"Oh Walt, hey." Tommy shook the fog from his brain and sat up, letting the sheets slide off his bare torso. He glanced idly at the impression left on the pillow beside him. There had been a woman, but he never let them stay the night. Her cloying perfume had clung to his Egyptian cotton and he reminded himself to throw them in the wash. If he picked up someone else tonight the last thing he wanted to do was hint to her that there had been someone else.

"I have some bad news Tom. My sister got in a car accident and I have to fly over to take care of her. Don't worry though, my old protégé Jude Harrison is happy to take over your lessons until I can get back."

"Your sister will be alright?"

"Yeah, yeah."

"Is Jude any good?" Tommy didn't mean to dismiss Walt's problems, but it was important that he learned what he needed.

"Most natural talent I've ever encountered." Tommy heard an intercom page in the background and waited for Walt to speak. "That's my flight. Thanks Tom. Jude will take good care of you. I guarantee it."

"I hope your sister is okay."

"Thanks. I need to go." Tommy put the phone back on its cradle and lay back in his queen sized bed. He wondered briefly what kind of person could impress the legendary Walt Havoc that much.

* * *

He hurried into the studio, his meeting with his boss had him running late, and he stopped abruptly to stare at the redhead sitting on the stool in the middle of the room. She was plucking aimlessly at the chords of an acoustic guitar resting on her lap. She looked up uncharacteristically caught in the man's icy blue eyes.

"Hi," he said, dismissing the girl almost right away. She was cute, but not really his type. He liked them manicured and polished, not punk and casual. Was he so late that Jude's next student had already arrived? He had requested these late sessions because he had wanted a little privacy. Tommy frowned, hoping this girl would not recognize him and blab to her little friends. "Can you tell me where Jude Harrison is? I'm supposed to have a lesson with him, but got caught up at work." Amusement brought a sparkle to her eyes as her lips quirked into a mocking smile.

"I think Jude got tired of waiting."

"Great!" He ran his fingers through his gelled hair in agitation. He was paying through the nose for these lessons and was starting to get pissed that Jude was not there.

"Is there anything I can do?" She grinned as she started to play Sweet Home Alabama with practiced ease. His eyes widened in surprise and then narrowed as he stared at her light finger work, playing over the strings like a lover's would. That had him swallowing hard as he banished the inappropriate images running through his head all of a sudden. This girl couldn't be more than eighteen and although she was attractive he had learned that teenagers were more trouble than they were worth, having not learned the score when it came to real men like Tom Quincy.

"Um…" He shook himself to clear his gaze from the way her slender fingers were sliding over the strings. There was something almost mesmerizing in the graceful way she played. "Is Jude as good as Walt says?" He only asked to change the direction of his own thoughts.

"I don't know. You tell me." She said, her head lifting as her big sky blue eyes met his. She started the solo expertly as he stared. Understanding dawned as her guileless eyes did not leave his.

"You're Jude? But…You're a girl!" He blurted out. Her hands stilled as her eyes sparkled and not with amusement now.

"I've been playing for six years." She informed him hotly.

"Wow since you were like what twelve?" He was starting to find her interesting even as her attitude was getting to him. Those big baby blues could really draw a person in and he was not immune to their charm.

"Ten." She was only sixteen?! "Look if you don't want your lessons with me fine. I'll call Walt and tell him you refused to work with me." Jude bluffed. She didn't want to lose this gig, since she was saving up get her '67 Mustang road worthy. And Walt had promised half of Tommy's fee to her. And knowing Walt he had made this ex-boybander pay. Oh yeah she had recognized him right away. His face still graced the tabloids her older sister Sadie had enjoyed reading and there was the fact that Sadie had been obsessed with his band Boyz Attack, while they were growing up. Sometimes she thought if she had to listen to Pick Up the Pieces one more time she would hunt them down and castrate them herself! The viciousness of her thoughts, played across her face and he wondered what the hell she could have been thinking to bring about that look.

"I guess we can give it a try," he said resignedly and she rolled her eyes at his tone. She nodded her head at the stool in the corner and although he gritted his teeth he went over and got it. When he took his guitar out of the case, Jude thought her heart had stopped as she started to practically drool over the beautiful, barely broken in piece of perfection. What right did this no-talented ass shaking boybander have, to something so amazing?!

"Can I--" He looked up at her and his pale blue eyes trapped her for just the barest hint of a second. "Can I see it?" And stupidly, Tommy's thought process didn't immediately comprehend that she was talking about his Gibson guitar. He blinked and she stared at him like he was an idiot, which he had to admit he was acting a bit like one. He finally handed over the instrument and she plugged it in to the amp by her feet. Jude took a deep breath as she cradled the shiny wood, her fingers already aching to play. He watched in amusement when she closed her eyes with a dreamy look on her face, but the amusement soon faded as her fingers found the strings. He did not know the song, but the notes rang out sweet and pure, before she quickened the pace and the arrangement became more complex. When the final note faded into the acoustically primed room her eyes opened once again and a beguiling smile touched her lips.

"Heaven," she mouthed as she handed the guitar back to him. "Thanks." He nodded still not sure what else to say. Walt was right, she was gifted, but somehow he knew there was more and damn him if he didn't want to find out what that something more was. Even he, playboy and heartbreaker that he was, had boundaries and innocents like her were not to his taste. When he made no move to get ready she gave him a mocking glance. "So are you gonna just sit there letting the guitar make you look pretty or you gonna show me how it's done?" Color heated his tanned cheeks just the darkest tint at her taunt. He had been sitting there like a moron.

"There are so many inappropriate answers to that question." Although he had meant to goad her, embarrass her, she surprised him by laughing and the sound sent chills down his spine. She might be young, but she was not awed by him in the least, at least not that she would admit, even if he was the most gorgeous man she had ever laid her indigo eyes on.

"Well Mr. Quincy, it's your dime we're on. I can sit here all night if you want." Which wasn't strictly true. It was a school night and she had a curfew of ten o'clock on weekdays, not that she would tell him that. She tucked her hands underneath her thighs as she waited for him to adjust the strap on his neck. She listened quietly as he started to play the song he had been practicing with Walt, a little unsure at the beginning as if he was nervous, but she shook head thinking she must be imagining things. As if her opinion would matter to a guy like him. Yeah right. Jude stood up and paced a little as he played.

He wasn't half bad, adequate as far as proficiency went, but he wanted to be better, good enough to be respected at something besides producing, but that was his story and he wasn't about to share it. She listened intently and her hot breath fanned his neck as she leaned in behind him. Her arms reached over his broad shoulders and he stiffened immediately until he realized she simply wanted to reach his fingers. She repositioned them a little and told him to start at the bridge.  
"Does that feel more natural?" Jude asked as she backed up, suddenly the air feeling a little too stagnant to her.

"Uh yeah." He found it did make the transition from one chord to the next that tiny bit easier.

Since he had been late, their lesson was short and Jude started to gather her own things as he put away his guitar. He glanced once at her, but she was busying stuffing a journal into her already over filled bag.

"So I'll see you Thursday." Jude looked up at him and nodded.

"Guess I passed?" Tommy couldn't help himself, he grinned sexily as if on autopilot, barely realizing he was doing it.

"We'll see." She stared after him as he left, and wondered what game he thought he was playing. Jude shut all the lights off behind her and made sure the door was locked before she made her way outside.

.

Suddenly headlights in the parking area turned on causing her to jump for second, and she stared unable to make out the driver through the glare.

When Tommy came out to his car he had noticed that it was the only one in the lot, making him wonder how she was going to get home and even though he didn't really know her, the idea of her walking alone through the streets had a chivalrous side of his nature peeking out.

"Jude," he called and she walked over to him, shifting her guitar from one hand to the other as she moved, her bag starting to slide off her shoulder.

"Nice car." He acknowledged it with a nod, making her want to roll her eyes again. He really was full of himself.

"Need a ride somewhere?" she stared at him with an inscrutable expression in her eyes before walking over to the passenger side and getting in.

"You're welcome," he mumbled as he started out of the parking area. She ignored him and clipped her seat belt into place.

When they neared the turn onto here street, she practically yelled stop causing him to slam on his brakes, jerking her forward.

"Nice driving," sarcasm dripping from her voice. He narrowed his eyes at her.

"Are you always so pleasant to people doing you a favor?" He couldn't see her face blanch in the darkness, but she did duck her head.

"Sorry…Could you just let me out here?"

"This your house?"

"I don't want my parents asking questions." She swung her head to face him before turning to reach for her things. "Thanks," was all she said before she darted out onto the sidewalk, leaving him watching after her.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

He had almost managed to forget she was just a kid, her demeanor during their sessions had been so professional, not that she did not take the occasional hit at his boybander past and not that he did not retaliate, mocking her punk style. She hated to admit it, but it irked her that he didn't see her as a female, not that she would ever reveal wanting that kind of attention from the ex-boybander.

Her long, straight hair brushed his cheek as she leaned in behind him and adjusted his fingers once again. She did that quite often, but somehow he still wasn't used to her nearness. "You're trying too hard to make it look textbook perfect Quincy."

Tommy being Tommy had to respond less than graciously at the criticism. "Then how is it supposed to look?" Sarcasm etched into every nuance of his words.

He only stared at her stubbornly, as if her words were pure B.S.

"Have you ever watched the video of Mary Sweet?" It was a Walt Havoc classic, that even high school kids these days still knew. "Did you notice how his face scrunches up like a Shar Pei's when he plays the bridge?"

Tommy couldn't help himself, he laughed. And her answering smile caught him off guard; it was bright and vivacious and shone right out of the depths of her eyes.

"Okay I'm not like a Jedi warrior or something. I'm not gonna tell you to feel the force, but…You need to stop thinking about it." Grudgingly he started to listen. "If every chord is a conscious effort, how are you going to get through a song?" It was hard to remember she was only sixteen at that moment.

And then the spell was broken as she shrugged awkwardly. "That's just my opinion--You can take it or leave it." The way she said it made him wonder if anyone did take the time to listen to her or whether her ideas were dismissed like yesterdays paper. She tucked her hair behind her ear and looked away to the far corner where a poster of The Clash was starting to peel from the wall.

He studied her profile wondering why she was so closed off. She never really talked about her own life, except what kind of music she loved and in that they held a lot in common. Last Tuesday night they had gotten into an argument of the merits of groups like The Rolling Stones still playing for the newer generation and had wasted most of the session. Strangely enough he hadn't minded, rarely finding someone who could argue with him. Stranger yet she never asked about his work at G-Major, even though she was completely in love with music. The minute he had asked if she had ever wanted to see the inside of a studio, she had paled, more than he had thought possible with her fair skin, and she had quickly changed the subject to something guaranteed to rile him and take his mind away from the topic. She had mocked his hair gel obsession and asked him how long he spent on getting ready every morning.

* * *

It was Friday night and the downtown area was crowded as Melinda walked with Tommy, arm tucked into his. They were nearly the same height, he having always had a penchant for models. Her golden eyes were caught by something in a storefront window and he walked away from her to get out of the stream of foot traffic, his eyes glued to the way her dress molded to her lithe frame.

"Hey watch it!"

He heard the female snarl before his head whipped back around ready to apologize for body checking the girl. "Jude?" He cocked an eyebrow in typical Tommy arrogance. "Lose a bet?" He took in her ensemble, for that was all he could think of calling it, from the combat boots, to the fishnet stockings that encased surprisingly long shapely legs, to the short French maid's outfit that had him swallowing. She should have been mock-worthy, but it suddenly hit him again she was all female. The way her hair was piled atop her head in loose curling tendrils made her look years older, along with the vivid red lipstick and overly done kohl outlined eyes.

"Something like that…Hey Quincy," she said with slight embarrassment as her gaze moved behind her across the street to the theater there. On the board showing the movies was the Rocky Horror Picture Show and things made more sense. A group of three teenage boys came swarming up through the crowded street all of a sudden, knocking them out of the strange little bubble they had fallen into.

"Come on Hot Mama, show starts in ten," the boy with the lighter brown hair said to her while putting an arm around her shoulder. He wore an ill fitting suit like one of the characters, just like she was dressed like one of the others, not that he could remember the names of either one.  
Boyfriend? Tommy found himself wondering with a hint of displeasure that he ignored. Jude turned apologetic eyes to Tommy.

"I'll see you…"

He nodded as they dragged her away, wincing when they walked in front of an oncoming car. To the squeal of tires and honk of horns he only heard laughter as they trooped to the theater.

Maybe it had simply been strange to see each other outside of the building, in the real world, but something wasn't quite the same between them tonight. He set up as always, while she placed her stool near him. She reached her hand out and he handed her his guitar, which she strummed automatically, adjusting the strings expertly. Usually she let him do that, his ear as good as hers, but she didn't seem to want to wait around today. She shoved it back at him when she was done and didn't even look to acknowledge the scowl on his face.

"Did you have a good weekend?" he asked, wondering why a sixteen year old was allowed out that late.  
She shrugged with a small smirk on her face as she settled her butt on the narrow area of the stool. "I got grounded."

"And your parents let you come here anyway?" Did they know their teenage daughter was alone in an empty building with a twenty three year old man?

"Nope."  
He could see from her stubborn expression that that was as much as she was going to share. They got to work and everything else was soon forgotten.

He found himself leaning in a little closer than necessary for the simple act of sniffing her hair. She always smelled so good to him, he wondered what kind of perfume she wore and voiced his question without thinking it through. This crossed the boundary they had set.  
She looked at him in puzzlement making him feel awkward and unlike himself. "I don't wear perfume."

"Body lotion?"

"Unscented." She had always had to do the opposite of her very feminine sister Sadie who had always said men liked the fruity perfumes and lotions and whatnot she slathered on.

"Oh…" He had totally made the situation even more tense and he knew it.

"Why?"

He had hoped she wouldn't ask. "Um…I just thought I recognized the scent…" Would she call him out on his poor excuse for a lie? But she was not one of those girls, the ones who played games and exchanged sexual favors for a four star dinner. She was straightforward and pure, and so…the only word he could think of was vital.

Jude could hear it that he was trying to take her advice and every once in a while she even caught him closing his piercing eyes to play from memory, from feeling. And she thought he was finally getting it, finally understanding what she was born knowing about playing. She watched him then, not sure why she did so, but she did it anyway.

It was a strange night for both of them, Tommy having been unsatisfied in some elemental way with what had transpired Friday night with Melinda. The sex had been imaginative and she had been very willing to please, but as soon as the rush was over he had wanted her out of his space, gone so he could forget. He doubted she was used to being a one round kind of woman, but he had not cared, handing her some bills for a taxi and a cold smile that made her hesitation to leave seem pitiful.

Jude meanwhile, was wondering why her mother Victoria had bothered to ground her for breaking curfew Friday night when they were barely home to care most of the time. Her thoughts drifted to Sadie as Tommy continued to play, even though the two sisters had not been overly close in high school, Jude missed having someone at home who understood how their parents were. At least when Sadie had bee home and not at university there had been someone to share in her life, now Jude was more alone than ever except for Walt who had become a surrogate father to her.

She heard a discordant note, even though she had been lost in her own thoughts and she leaned over his shoulder automatically to adjust his fingers to spots that would make the chord changes easier for him.

Tommy turned to thank her, but instead the closeness of skin, those full glossy lips had him entranced instead. Jude wasn't sure why she didn't move back now that her intention was done, but her small breasts pressed against his back felt….Good? Her eyelids closed and that's when she felt it, pressure on her lips. Her weight shifted forward until she was almost leaning into him, her hand snaking out to rest at his neck. Their mouths molded more fully, deepening as her lips parted. Maybe if his guitar hadn't banged against her stool when he turned more fully towards her, things would have gone further, but the jagged sound woke them from the dream. Jude jumped back like a scalded cat and Tommy raked his hand through his hair, careful to keep the Gibson shielding his lap.

She made a wide circle around the two stools and stood in front of him, but for once words failed her.

"That was…" he said it with his gaze to the black and gray tiles. He lifted his head and caught her stormy eyes. "That shouldn't have happened." She nodded.

"I know…" He was everything she had ever hated about music, using his looks to become successful. But these last few weeks she had seen a different side of him, a side she could respect.

"You're just a kid." He shook his head as if clearing it from the spell she had weaved around him still thrown off kilter by the way that kiss had affected him.

"Yeah…" She knew he would never see her as more than that guitar girl. She turned away to gather her things in the corner as he put his Gibson away.

When she turned around again he was barely a foot away, making her have to consciously stand her ground.

"Look Jude I--I wasn't trying to lead you on or…"

"Stop alright. It never happened--It's fine," she said it with conviction she didn't quite feel. She sighed as he studied her. "I'll see you on Thursday." And he finally nodded before heading towards the door.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

It seemed like they were both masters--at least--masters at sweeping things under the rug. Jude had woken up this morning with the remembrance of his lips on hers and it had horrified her that she still thought about it, subconsciously anyway. But outwardly she was the same, just as he appeared to be the same. She was the brash, sarcastic teenager while he was the cocky, sarcastic ex-boybander. It was a system that was working for them. The thing that had happened last week was not once brought up, and never on the tip of either of their tongues. The status quo was restored and outwardly they were both satisfied with their current situation, although the scent of her still distracted him and she found herself staring at his lips. They were both determined that their mutual attraction meant nothing.

Tommy was surprised at the things Jude taught him about playing, like how certain verses needed a softer touch accompanying them. It made him wonder if she ever did more than play guitar, even if she had never mentioned any other interests.

"So why did you ever leave Boyz Attack? I mean you were still really popular when you guys split." Jude had never guarded her tongue to save from offending, not even with this man who was her client.

"And how do you know so much? I thought you didn't listen to Boyz Attack?"

"I didn't…Well at least not willingly," she admitted reluctantly.

Should he have been offended? He wanted to be, but honestly towards the end of his career he had started to loath the music himself.

"My older sister Sadie is your biggest fan. She used to doodle Sadie Marie Quincy all over her notebooks."

He studied her face, trying to gauge if she was putting him on.

She raised her hand in the Boy Scouts salute. "Honest. If I told her I knew you, she'd be here in a shot and all over you like a rash."

Tommy rolled his eyes, just imagining the crazy fan girls brought him out in a cold sweat. There had been days he used to wonder if they were in love with him or trying to kill him. A few times their nails had drawn blood when they had tried to rip his clothes off of him at concerts and although it sounded promising to be mauled by nubile teenage girls, living through it had been no picnic.

"What's with that look on your face?" Jude asked in amusement, watching the way his eyes darkened, his face set in a grimace.

He was hesitant to tell her, knowing exactly how she would mock him. She had never shown any signs of being impressed at knowing him, had in fact ridiculed the outfits he had worn and the songs he had sung. Her favorite subject of ridicule had been the white bandanna.

"It's nothing," he hedged.

"Oh come on. Tell me. What strikes terror into the heart of Tom Quincy?"

He rolled his eyes at her and shook his head. And that's when she started to play Pick Up the Pieces, causing him to flinch involuntarily. He planned on waiting her out, his eyes narrowing as he tried not to notice how her long strands of hair draped over her cheek. That hair was soft to touch, and slid through his fingers like silk. Tommy shook himself mentally to dispel that area of thought, not that that was hard with her playing that damn song. It was when she started the bridge for the second time, that he finally couldn't take it anymore. He dropped his fingers over hers and she stared up at him in amusement. "Stop."

"Well?"

"Well what?"

"You know what I want." There were many inappropriate things running through his mind at that point, but he reigned himself in. Dammit man, she was just a teenage girl. Why did she get to him so easily?

"I was just thinking about the insane fan girls."

"And?"

"Jude some of them were crazy." She laughed, but he did not join her. "This one chick sent me a chunk of her hair once."

"Eww." She wrinkled her nose and he nodded.

"They used to mob me."  
She scoffed at his long suffering tone.

"Ooh hot girls trying to jump your bones. Sooo scary." He glared at her and she grinned back undaunted. "Are you gay? I mean, that explains a lot," she said contemplatively, that little teasing smile still dancing on her full lips.

"What?!" he growled in disbelief, his skin darkened in bafflement at her audacity, not knowing if he should be pissed or just annoyed.

"Hey there's nothing wrong with being gay. Is that why you go through so many women? You're not ready to admit the truth? I read some womanizer's are like that--they can't accept their true sexuality. You shouldn't be ashamed, Lance Bass came out and--"

He had finally had enough and managed a growl before his palm found it's way over her mouth before he had even consciously thought about doing it. Her slender fingers went up to try and pull him away, but he wasn't budging. His other arm went around her waist to keep her from struggling away and he leaned in to whisper against her hair.

"I--am--not--gay," he rasped succinctly and Jude closed her eyes, feeling a little dizzy, though not from lack of air. His breath whispered against her skin in a way that caused a shiver to race down her spine. "Got that?"

She nodded jerkily, willing her heart to stop its rapid beating and he took a moment before he released her. She turned to face him and stared into his eyes for a long second before managing to look away. "You have no sense of humor."

He shook his head and sighed in a long suffering way.

**

"Hey Dude, where ya been?" Jude felt the arm drape around her shoulder as she was walking through the hallway to her next class. She shrugged off his arm and rolled her eyes at him.

"My name is Jude, Vincent," she said his name with a bite, trying her best to intimidate him. Most of the time it worked, but Vincent Spiederman was immune to her threats at the moment, knowing exactly when he pushed his friend too far. He liked to ride that fine line, and sometimes it was fun just to see her go over--at least until she got violent.

"So we were gonna rent some movies tonight. You in?" They continued to walk, mostly ignored by the other students at Carson Hill High school. Jude shook her head, not liking that she was excited about tonight. There was no reason she should be was there? It was just a guitar lesson, right? Tommy Quincy wasn't so bad. It was alright to like him wasn't it?

"Can't. I got plans. Besides I think I'm still grounded." Not that that had ever stopped her from doing what she liked. Her parents were never around much to notice if she was gone.

"Again? Dude you're always busy! Where ya been?" She bumped him hard at the 'Dude' and he narrowly avoided a locker before regaining his balance.

Jude just shook her head. "I've been helping Walt with some stuff."

"You wanna come jam with us tomorrow night?"

"I--You're singing?"

"Unless you want to." She shook her head again. He always asked and she always said no, but Spied had to try. He missed hearing her full out, hitting those high notes like a dream. "Then I guess I'll be singing."

"Alright I'm in." She smiled at him and let him keep his arm around her this time, as they entered English class.

**

They settled into the space easily tonight, Jude helping Tommy work on a new song. The time went by quickly without either of them realizing it, both of them so focused on the sound. They were both surprised when they realized how late it had gotten and although Jude wanted to stay she had school tomorrow and still some homework to do.

"Are you a fast learner?" he asked it idly, as if he was asking her the time.

"Excuse me?" She cocked her head up at him and looked at him suspiciously. She might only be sixteen, but did that line really work?

"The band I'm producing has a gig this Saturday and they think their guitarist sprained his wrist, skateboarding." At least he hoped it was just a sprained wrist, since they were scheduled to tour once the album was finished. "What did you think I meant Jude?" he asked with a smirk, well aware of the effect he had on girls, especially girls who's throat he had once had his tongue down. She was discomfited at the way he said her name as if there was something extra in the one syllable word.

"I….nothing…" She was flustered he could tell. "You want me to replace him?"

"How fast can you nail a song?"

"I learn quick and anything I can't I can wing." Her confidence would have been laughable from a red haired sixteen year old punk girl, if it weren't completely valid. Walt Havoc was her mentor and he did not choose students lightly. "So how much does this pay?"

He wondered again why she was so obsessed with money. "I thought the experience would be good enough for you. Love of the music?"

Jude rolled her eyes at him. "Do you seriously think I couldn't get a band if I wanted?"

He eyed her and had to agree she could; being a hot chick was something most bands would not turn down, even without the killer skills. Then again many guys would be intimidated by her talent.

.

He hadn't asked, but she followed him into the parking lot anyway and got in as soon as he had unlocked the doors to his Hummer. He would normally have been annoyed at the assumption, but her cocky assurance amused him. And it wasn't like he was going to kick her out and leave her alone on the street. He might never have been accused of being a good guy, but he wasn't that much of an asshole, at least he hoped he wasn't. Sometimes the lines were blurred, most of the time he didn't bother to care.

"How many toys do you need?" she asked, this being the third vehicle she had seen him in.

"You can never have enough toys." Or enough women? She wanted to ask, but refrained in an uncharacteristic show of self control.

He pulled to the curb, a block away, knowing the drill now. She was a mass of contradictions, at one moment hiding the fact that he was driving her home and yet feeling no guilt at sneaking out. The smile shone out of her big eyes as she turned to him.

"You never told me what label you worked for."

"G-Major." She felt her stomach bottom out. What were the odds? "Something wrong?" He noticed that she had frozen in place, too still for the normally energetic girl.

"Uh…No…" It wouldn't be a problem. She wouldn't let it be. And what were the chances anyone would recognize her? She was nobody, just another sad girl with a guitar.o;


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Jude spied the longish shaggy brown locks a few classrooms down and quickened her step. "Hey." She grinned as she joined Spied as he headed for his locker.

"Hey…." His returning grin was instant and infectious at her unusually airy mood. "Why are you all smiley?"

Jude shrugged nonchalantly. "I have been asked to fill in for a real signed band." She failed to notice his smile slip a notch and turned to face him, walking backwards. "And the best thing--I'm getting paid for it." Jude felt herself bumping into someone and turned her head to apologize. "Oh…sorry…" The tall bespectacled, brown haired boy said nothing, simply giving her a glare before hurrying on.

"How long has it been since you've talked to him?" Spied referred to Jamie Andrews, Jude's next door neighbor and one time best friend.

"I don't know…Couple of years I guess." Jude forced herself to forget him and get back to the previous topic. "So the only bad thing is the band works for G-major."

"Uh huh," he commented noncommittally, feeling something gnawing at his stomach. He wasn't sure if it was jealousy or anger he was feeling. He had stopped asking her to join his band long ago, not that he hadn't tried his best to change her mind.

"But hey, no one's likely to remember me." He was silent for a long moment, knowing her sensitivity to that long ago subject, although even he did not know the whole story.

"So how much they paying?" They stopped in front of his locker and his hand went automatically to the dial.

"Dunno."

"How'd you get the gig?"

"Uh…" She shrugged uncomfortable. "Just a friend of a friend of Walt's." Her friends still had no idea how she had been spending her time almost every other weeknight, and she was hesitant to tell them. Although she trusted them with her life, she wasn't sure how they would react or if they would accidentally blab. This was one secret it felt almost nice to keep.

"Ah." Spied ducked his head into his locker to shield his conflicted face from her view.

"Where are you?" Tommy snapped into his cell phone as he glanced at his band, Cipher Saints, idly joking in the sound booth. He had promised them a guitarist even though they had been skeptical of anyone he could find. It had been a hard road to earn these guys respect and he wasn't about to lose what ground he had gained. Fucking musicians could be such prima donnas. He shook his head as he paced the small area in front of the soundboard.

Jude had just stepped off the bus onto the sidewalk and was simply standing there staring at the building in the distance that she had been in, so long ago. "I had school Quincy! I'll be there soon," she replied just as tetchily before forcing her reluctant legs to carry her towards G-Major.

"Well how much longer?" he growled back, watching that sullen expression building on Bodie Sikes face, Sikes the co-founder of the group, the injured guitarist and the biggest ego Tommy had yet to encounter in the biz. He even rivaled Shay, Tommy's boss Darius's rapper nephew, for sheer arrogance, even though the Saints were still relatively unknown.

"I'll be right there Quincy! Don't get your panties in a twist!" Jude flipped the phone shut, knowing that would piss him off and grinned to herself as she opened the glass doors.

.

Jude hurried through the hallway, remembering the way even without the helpful twenty something woman at reception. She found herself running her fingers through her long windblown hair and then stopped abruptly realizing what she was doing. She did not care how he thought she looked, she told herself and instead grabbed the strap of her book bag, before walking towards Studio Two. Apparently they had renamed them at some point in the last two years. She stopped abruptly in the doorway, her mouth opened in shock as she stared into the room.

"Finally!" Tommy said loudly, causing her to wake from her slight daze. She glanced briefly at him and shrugged before her attention became once again riveted past him into the other room. The man she was looking at finally turned his head and saw her, his face breaking into a huge grin.

Jude almost dropped her bag onto Tommy's foot before practically running through the next doorway. Tommy watched as she launched herself at JC, the lead singer of the band. He moved to the doorway himself, wondering how they could know each other, but then remembering that JC's family was originally from this area.

"Holy shit! Jules fucking Harrison!" He had picked her up in his arms before Tommy could blink and Tommy could hear her musical laughter as she kissed his cheek enthusiastically.

"Chris? What are you…?"

"It's JC now," he warned as she gave him a questioning look. He gestured at where Bodie lounged on the leather couch. "That's Bodie, our regular guitarist." Her eyes widened in understanding.

"Oh…So do they know what the J stands for?" she teased mercilessly and he glared down at her causing her to laugh.

"You got your contract already huh? I can't say I'm surprised."

Tommy and the rest of the band listened to them unabashedly.

"No--I--I don't do that anymore. I'm just filling in as a guitarist for Tommy's band." JC let her go and looked her over appreciatively, taken in the tight ripped jeans and tiny vintage concert T.

"Well Jules looks like you're all grown up now." She blushed, having once had a major crush on her best friend's older brother. And if he hadn't left town for college she still might.

"What did you do to your hair?" she asked as he put her down and she ran her fingers through the stubble that had once been a luxuriant brown.

He shrugged and grinned at her warmly. "I haven't seen you in almost three years and that's what you ask me…Typical." She smacked his arm at his teasing before he laughed and threw his arm around her shoulder.

"That's your replacement for me? You can't be serious," Bodie said oh so sarcastically causing Tommy to clamp his fingers, already tense from the scene playing out before him.

When they finally rejoined the group JC's arm was still firmly around her shoulder's and she was leaning into him looking happier than Tommy had ever seen her outside of when she was playing.

"Quincy you should've told me you knew Jules."

"Jules?" Tommy asked, guessing that was the safest question.

"Oh yeah…What was his name? Andy Brewster?" He looked over at her.

"Baxter."

"Yeah anyway Andy Baxter told her Jude was a boy's name in third grade and teased her mercilessly about it." Tommy winced remembering that he had thought Jude had been a guy. No wonder she'd been so snotty about the whole thing even though it had been an honest mistake.

"Well I was named after a song about a boy!" Jude defended herself.

"Yeah and after she nailed his boys with a dodge ball we decided it was a good idea to keep her happy, so we started calling her Jules." Being guys they all winced in sympathy for that long ago kid.

"Why Jules?" Tommy's eyes once again wandered to the tight hold JC had on her and the way she leaned into his side contentedly, like a stretched out kitten.

Jude sighed and rolled her eyes. "Well you know Hey Jude was written by Paul McCartney for Julian Lennon when his parents were getting divorced. So Julian…Jules…"

"So you already know JC."

JC interrupted, angling her to face his band. "Yeah that's Bodie, our defunct guitarist and can I say I would much rather stare at you." Jude laughed. "That's Justin and that's Trey."

Jude nodded her head at them, getting greetings in return, yet feeling a tiny bit uncomfortable at the way Bodie was watching her.

Tommy said. "We should get started and see if you work out."

JC looked at Jude in amusement, remembering how good she had been at fourteen. She could only have improved. "If she's our new guitar player I don't need to hear her. Let's go. We have catching up to do." JC steered Jude away and they stopped only long enough for him to grab her bag.

They walked away leaving, the band whom also looked a little confused, and Tommy watching them in surprise.

"What the fuck?" Bodie commented loudly, unused to being ignored.

Tommy feared this might be the biggest mistake he had made to date as a producer. Bodie's relationship with his band-mates was already volatile at the best of times.

"Tom is she really good?" Trey, the drummer asked. He was the mellowest of the group and of all the band members Tommy got along with him the best.  
Tommy nodded and cleared his throat. "I guess you guys can get going. We'll do a run-through tomorrow at 3."

"That little girl can't replace me!" Bodie complained to Justin, their bass player.

"Hey if you decided not to be a dumbass and screw-up your wrist we wouldn't have needed her!" he snapped back before gather his equipment together. Although Justin had always been the quiet one in the band he had been put through a lot by his old friend and even he wasn't cutting Bodie that much slack anymore.

Tommy sighed as he watched the guys walk out, wondering if they would manage to stay together the way they were bickering and with the album not nearly close to being finished. And he really didn't know how he felt about Jude knowing JC.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

They sat in a booth at the diner at the end of the block of G-Major and Jude had been too excited to eat so she simply sipped at slightly stale coffee. Her hands wrapped around the standard white diner mug, letting the heat warm them as she stared across the booth at JC who had ordered a full breakfast, even though it was way past lunch time. She couldn't keep her eyes off of him. He had always been hot to her, and now the extra years had defined his features. His close cropped brown hair did not detract from his looks, instead drawing attention to his sculpted cheeks and forest green eyes. Her cheeks warmed and she looked away quickly when he looked up to catch her staring.

"Are you old enough to drink that?"

"Hey I'm almost seventeen," she defended, a little off her game, still off kilter by seeing him again. She had stopped thinking about his family much anymore, even though she had once been closer to them than her own dysfunctional one.

"Relax. I was just kidding J. It's just been longer than I realized."

"Have you been back to Toronto since you went off to school?"

He shook his head. "I started the band with Bodie freshman year and we started doing gigs with all the spare time we had-I can't believe you still wear that," he said, indicating towards her fingers with his knife, before continuing to slice into his food. She looked down to the large silver star ring that rested on her middle finger. She barely remembered she had it on most of the time.

"Oh…Well it's the first piece of jewelry a guy ever gave me." The truth was, it was the only piece she had ever received from a guy, not including her father.  
Jude caught her breath when he grinned at her.

"First piece of jewelry I ever gave a girl."

Jude remembered it well. That summer when she and her friends had all been twelve, and they had begged Chris with his newly minted driver's license to drive them to the amusement park. Surprisingly enough, with little coaxing he had given in to the bratty pre-teens. That day had simply magnified the crush she had on him, when he the Skee-Ball champ had won enough tickets to exchange for the star ring she had had to have. That summer had been the perfect one to her memory. It was Jamie, Jude and Jess against the world, before things like dating had ever come into the picture. She remembered how Chris had liked to tease that she and Jamie must have been his parents bastard children since they also had the same first initial as all the kids in the Allen clan.

It didn't help that Jamie and Jude had been underfoot practically every weekend with sleepovers anyway, but Chris had always been tolerant of them, while their middle brother Jasper had treated them like dirt. That probably had to do with the fact that he was only two years older than them as opposed to Chris's four.

"I missed that smile."

His comment had her whipping her head up in embarrassment, knowing how she had completely spaced out. "Sure," she said sarcastically, knowing he was just teasing. "I'm sure you remembered your baby brother's loudmouthed scrawny best friend."

"Not so scrawny anymore…" he murmured before taking a drink of his own coffee.

"Are you flirting with me?"

"Aren't you old enough?" She flicked a wadded up empty sugar packet at him and it landed squarely in his congealing egg yolk.

"Hey!" he protested before they both burst into laugher.

It was almost an hour later before they exited the diner and made their way down the street in the direction of G-Major. "Let me give you a ride. You still living at the same place?"

She nodded a little shyly, giving him surreptitious glances as they walked.

"I just need to grab my jacket from the studio."

"Sure."

They made their way into the lobby of G-Major, still laughing over old memories, such as the way the Allen's cat had always hated Jamie and used to pounce on him in his sleeping bag. JC had had to keep Two Berry in his room at night so that he wouldn't attack their unsuspecting guests. "You are still the coolest girl I know," JC commented sincerely this time and she flushed a little under the stare of his amazing eyes. From what she remembered he had always been a flirt and that apparently hadn't changed so she tried not to take his words too seriously.

"You're required to say that big brother," she said as she rolled her eyes at his blatant lies. He managed to make her feel good, even if she didn't believe he meant what he said.

"Can I just say I'm glad you're not really my little sister?" Her clear blue eyes looked up, meeting his.

"Why?"

He leaned in and pressed his warm lips to her full ones. After a split second of surprise, she leaned in a little too, allowing his tongue access to her mouth. He pulled back slowly and touched her lower lip with his thumb."Because it would have been really wrong to want to do that." She was still a little stunned as she stared at him. "Oh come on Jules. Was it that bad?"

She shook her head to release herself from the fog. This was JC, her one time crush and the guy she had looked up to like a big brother for years. He studied her intently for a moment before cracking a smile and giving a short laugh, putting his arm around her shoulder and steering her towards the studio as if nothing had happened.

Tommy walked in, just in time to see the scene play out. It was his reaction to seeing them that shocked him more than anything and left him immobile. The very fact that he cared about JC's hands on Jude, made him question his own sanity. Since when had he ever felt possessive over anyone? She was just a kid and he hadn't even known her all that long. Maybe it was simply that she was different than he had expected-More. They pulled apart and did not notice his presence, Jude looking decidedly preoccupied and Tommy found himself hoping, in vain, that she was not interested in JC. A moment later they walked into Studio A, JC's arm familiarly around her shoulder.

Tommy stopped them as they came out of the studio again. "You need to be here as soon as you can tomorrow," he said to Jude curtly. "Even if you're good, you still don't know the music." He knew he was being abrupt, but right then he didn't care.

Jude nodded unsurely, feeling unsettled by the slightly hostile vibe he gave off.

"Relax Quincy. She'll be fine," JC responded for her, his arm tightening around her shoulder. "I'll make sure she gets here as soon as school is over."

"Chris you don't need to-" Jude finally spoke up, but not to address Tommy.

"Hey not a problem."

As JC had promised, Jude was at G-Major that afternoon barely ten minutes after the last bell had rung at Carson Hill High. It was a good thing Jude was not a timid person because the way he had barreled through downtown with his lifted truck would have been a nightmare, instead she laughed and let the air muss her long hair.

She could feel all the eyes of the room boring through her, skepticism clear in Bodie's face when she had walked through the door with JC. She ignored the looks and got her guitar out of the battered case. Jude strummed a chord to check the tune, and when satisfied started a familiar song.

"Eh she'll do I guess," Bodie commented to Justin who was too busy listening to pay him much attention. "Why does every newbie learn that song?" he half complained to an audience who ignored him. She was playing Stairway to Heaven and although she played it well, it was hardly the most challenging piece of music. Justin rightly sensed something more, that wasn't apparent in this song she was warming up with.

"Jules. Baby I taught you that when you were eleven. Stop playing around." JC shook his head when Jude took her hand from the strings and shot her middle finger up at him. "Play Your Song." He commanded, figuring it was a 50/50 shot of whether she'd listen or whether she'd play something else entirely. He wouldn't have minded hearing some of her personal stuff, knowing in his gut she still wrote even if she wouldn't admit to it.

Because she was unsure among these people, most of them strangers, she did listen to his command and she started on a song that Chris had written long ago and taught her.

Bodie sat up straighter, suddenly uneasy as Justin shot him a glance before turning his eyes back to the slender redhead. Even JC couldn't help but stare at her fingers as she slid her fingers effortlessly over the strings. At fourteen she had been good, but the almost three years since he had seen her, had made her damn close to great.

"Now that is hot," Justin commented as he eyed the long haired redhead appreciatively. Bodie merely grunted in response, unwilling to acknowledge that just maybe this little girl was better than he. He squeezed his hand into a fist and his wrist gave a strong twinge of protest, still feeling weak and tender.

"Is she for real man?" Trey asked Tommy, after finally managing to pick up his jaw.

"You can't fake that," Tommy responded proudly, inordinately happy that they could see what he did in Jude.

"You should hear her sing," JC added, causing Tommy to whip his head towards him.

"What?" All the times he had asked her if she did anything besides play guitar she had always denied having any other interests.

"I haven't heard her in a few years and-She claims she doesn't anymore-But I don't buy it. The songwriting and singing are in her blood just as much as the guitar."

Tommy stared at her with new eyes, intrigued all the more and yet fighting an internal battle to stay objective. "Is she any good at writing?"

"Where do you think The Freshman, came from?" JC said, naming the song that had minor success in California and was what ultimately got them noticed by G-Major.

"You're not serious," Tommy said as he shook his head. That song had a lot of heavy themes in it and she had to have been even younger than the ripe age of sixteen when she wrote it.

"It was her and my brother Jess." No one in his family spoke much about that summer, but before Jess had been sent away to military school in the States he and Jude had had quite the breakthrough in their music. Although the song had been meant to be a ballad, Cipher Saints played it faster and more punk than it originally had been intended for. JC wasn't even sure if Jude knew that Jess had sent him the song or that they used it.

"Alright guys, we should set up," JC said commandingly and Trey got behind his drums while Justin slung the strap of his bass guitar over his head. Jude let the last notes fade away and waited patiently for JC to continue. Tommy took a seat in one of the chairs and let him take over, for now at least. JC got his own guitar from the corner and nodded at Jude. "Follow my lead."  
Jude nodded and waited for them to start.

Because they had all been so involved with rehearsing the next few days, Tommy's lessons were put on hold, not that Jude could complain about that. She wasn't sure she liked the dictatorial side of him that reared its ugly head when they weren't doing what he wanted. He had been a bit aloof in the beginning when Jude and he had started on lessons, but she had thought he had started to really loosen up. Now though he seemed so serious she wondered if she had only imagined that other guy she had glimpsed. She watched him as he spoke to the receptionist, both of them seeming to be enjoying themselves and she had to look away.

"Hey," Jude said lightly as she joined Spied and Kyle on their way to the cafeteria.

"Hey," Spied said a little coolly, causing Jude to frown.

"How's it goin' Jude?" Kyle asked in a much more welcome tone.

"Are you guys gonna make it Friday night? The Vinyl Palace." She didn't bother to hide her excitement at the idea of playing in a club steeped with so much history.

"I don't know-Uh my Uncle mentioned wanting me to do some stuff," Spied responded stiffly and Kyle pushed him on the shoulder. "Hey! Watch it!" The two boys stared at each other for a long moment and Spied sighed in defeat. "So I guess I can put it off…"

They reconvened at their usual table after Spied went off to buy his lunch and Kyle took out his food, while Jude pulled out a soda from her bag.

Spied returned a few minutes later with an orange tray, laden with unidentifiable meat, in his hands. "I thought you weren't gonna do the band thing," Spied said pointedly, unable to contain the source of his animosity towards his friend even as Kyle kicked him under the table.

Jude frowned and looked up at Spied, studying him closely. "It's not like that. I swear. I'm just filling in for the night Vin,"

"Yeah sure…" Spied looked down at his sandwich.

"Besides I'm only playing the guitar, nothing else."

"I think its freaking amazing," Kyle commented encouragingly, earning a flash of a smile from her. In the next moment Wally sat down beside them and started in on a story about his biology lab and how Aaron Wiserman had puked after seeing the fetal pig.

Tommy watched them from the side of the stage, arms crossed as he watched the Cipher Saints. JC was on his game, even though obviously flirting with Jude as he sang. And Tommy could find nothing wrong with her playing, even though she did change up some of it. He wondered if she did deliberately or was simply improvising because she couldn't remember all the music. He had a strong feeling it was the former, hearing the something extra she was instilling into the songs. So far the night was going great. The mood of the crowd was encouraging even though the artists playing hadn't gained their own fame yet. It was basically a showcase for G-Major's newest members, each group or individual doing a five song set. With the short timeframe to rehearse, it was a good thing for Jude that it was not a full concert, although she had learned her part rapidly.

Jude had just come back from the restroom, where she had been cleaning up and wiping up the sweat off her face, completely glad she had brought an extra shirt and deodorant. She had forgotten how hot those spotlights could be, and the press of bodies hadn't exactly cooled the limited space down. She was flying high on adrenalin and simple love of playing, even if she hadn't been the main focus of the strangers in the audience. She had glimpsed her friends in the corner and it had given her the courage she had needed to get onto that stage. Chris had been awesome, his voice slightly husky and distinctive.

She stopped abruptly as she saw him then, with two girls, both blondes, hanging on either arm. Both of them were dressed for clubbing in short skirts, and miniscule tops. Her eyes narrowed as she watched them flirt with Chris, and he didn't seem to mind in the least, giving them his most charming smile. Jude marched her way towards them in tunnel vision, not noticing the host of people in the backstage with them, at all.

"Oh Jace, you were so good. You're definitely going to be the next Scott Weiland," the taller blond said silkily."Yeah Jace. You were afuckingmazing," the second blonde joined in, not wanting to be ignored.

"Well thanks la-"

"It's J….C…" Jude said firmly and loudly to be heard over the music on the stage.

"Excuse me?" Tall blonde number one said not the least bit sarcastically, making Jude have to reassess her intelligence level. Damn, she had really wanted to peg her as another bitchy blonde bimbo.

"His name is JC, short for Jo-" His hand clamped over her mouth and he glared at her warningly, and she glared right back, not the least bit intimidated. Jude let her emotions take over and she-she bit his palm, hard enough to leave the imprint of her teeth. He let go abruptly and she stepped back immediately.

"You little-"  
"I'm sorry we really thought it was Jace," shorter blonde bimbo number two said sexily, placing red tinted nails on his arm, making him focus his attention back on her.

"Uh no problem," he said, his eyes still fixed on Jude's anger darkened ones.

Jude finally shook her head as if lifting herself out of a trance while he continued to appear like he was listening to the two girls. She turned on the her heels, ready to go get her stuff. She walked down the quieter white painted mortar brick hallway, and made it halfway before she felt a hand on her shoulder. 


	6. Chapter 6

Hey everyone. Here's a new chapter. I know I have been slow in posting, but honestly-I haven't been getting much feedback so I wasn't sure if many people were interested. And when no one seems interested I forget. Anyway here you go. ENJOY!

**Chapter 6**

Jude spun around so quickly she was lucky not to lose her balance, her startled wide eyes clashing with pale blue ones. She relaxed just a fraction, and crossed her arms in front of her chest in a defensive posture.

"What the hell Quincy? Are you trying out to be a mugger?"

He rolled his eyes and put his hands in his pants pockets. "I called your name a bunch of times," he explained with more patience than he thought he had.

"Oh…" She sighed and her eyes fell to the sticky concrete floor, arms dropping to her sides. "I uh didn't hear you," and the words sounded lame even to her own ears.

"You okay?" he asked, finally noticed her stillness, when normally she exuded an addictive restless energy.

She nodded, still staring down at her slightly scuffed black boots, her long hair falling down in front of her face like a curtain.

"You did good tonight," he said softly, causing her to look back up into his handsome face.

His hair was artfully imperfect tonight, gelled into a dark sexy mess and it really made him look good. Jude swallowed, wondering how her mind could wander so easily. The compliment, when she finally processed what he had said, sent a frisson of warm pleasure coursing through her, despite how she was feeling. "Thanks. It was fun," she said it sincerely even though her gut was a mass of roiling emotions over JC's behavior. How could he go from kissing her the other day to flirting with those two groupies? Maybe he had just been teasing her like he used to. Maybe he still only saw her as his kid brother's best friend.

"Need a ride?"

Jude shook her head reluctantly. "My friends came to see me, so I should hang with them…" For some reason she was suddenly unbearably weary and didn't understand why. Making music was always a high, but it felt like all her usual energy had suddenly drained out of her body.

Tommy nodded slowly, hands in his pants pockets. "Okay-Well I'll see you at Walt's on Monday then."

Jude found that she didn't want to leave, but her friends had shown up and she should meet up with them. They headed their separate ways and Jude continued to the small makeshift dressing room, that she suspected was actually a storage closet, to retrieve her things as Tommy went back towards the dance floor. Jude pivoted suddenly and called his name.

"Yeah?" He turned to her again, maybe a little more eagerly than he felt comfortable with.

Why did he have to look at her like that? Like she was the only person in the room. She took a deep breath, summoning up her nerve to speak. "Actually a ride would be good."

Tommy gave her a small smile and nodded his head once. "Sure."

"Just let me get my stuff and tell my friends. Give me ten minutes?" she asked a little too pleadingly for her own comfort. Jude felt slightly off balance and she wasn't sure why.

"I'll meet you at the side entrance." He turned away and continued in the opposite direction, leaving her staring after him for a moment.

"Hey," Jude said, nervously brushing loose strands of hair off her face with one hand, while her other arm strained with the weight of all her stuff.

Tommy straightened from his slouch against his Hummer and moved around to open the door for her.

They were silent as he maneuvered out of the alley, avoiding the crowd that had spilled onto the street.

Jude's hands went to the volume knob when Kings of Leon's, _Use Somebody_, came on the radio and Tommy glanced over at her in amusement.

"You a fan?"

She nodded and smiled softly. "I love that they found their own style and managed to get it out there ya know?" There was true appreciation in her voice that he understood instinctively. She fell silent again as the song played on, and she glanced out the side window, watching all the buildings they passed. She couldn't get her mind off of JC and yet she was hyperaware of the man beside her. He was tapping his fingers against the steering wheel to the tune, his icy eyes concentrating on the traffic. Jude turned to look at him and wondered if this was what it was like to go crazy.

"You alright?" he asked, glancing at her briefly before turning his eyes back to the road. She was too quiet, from the little he knew of her.

"Yeah…" she said not even convincingly to her own ears. A couple of minutes lapsed before she turned her head to look at him again. "Could we go somewhere? Just for a little while-I'm not ready to go home yet." She thought of the empty house; her mother had gone to a business conference and she figured her father would be with the mistress she suspected him of having.

It had been on the tip of his tongue to tell her he was not her babysitter, but then changed his mind. It wasn't exactly hard to be in her presence and he made the decision to change lanes and veer in a different direction.  
Tonight she had played to a packed house and she tried desperately to find that exhilaration again.

She closed her eyes and imagined her fingers sliding over the strings, the roar of the crowd urging her on. When her eyes flickered open again, she noticed that they had taken a different street. "Where are we…"

"Do you trust me?"

"Um…Yes?" It came out like a question and had him quirking an eyebrow.

It was darker here now that they had left the city, the lights wide spread in the distance. He pulled to a stop right on the pier of the lake and turned the engine off, but leaving the radio on and the windows rolled partially down. Jude got out without speaking, feeling the calming effect the sound of the water lapping against the wood made. She leaned against the front bumper and stared into the inky water, lights dancing on the surface.

Tommy joined her and stared out into the same grey distance, the lull of the night and the soft strains of music, filling her with contentment. He proffered a bag of red licorice and she took one before thanking him. He dropped the bag onto the hood after taking a piece for himself.

Jude had noticed he frequently had that candy on hand, had in fact found it kind of funny that he had a sweet tooth. It was a fact so at odds with the aloof, unapproachable image he liked to portray. "Do you come here a lot?" she finally spoke, wanting to hear his voice, wanting something….

"Sometimes. If I'm stuck on music or just to think. What about you? Where do you go when you're blocked." He knew he was fishing, but she aroused his curiosity, like women rarely did.

For a moment she forgot that she had denied to him that she wrote her own songs, and answered honestly. "I don't really have a place." She thought that she could understand why the lake would help him though. There was something about the water and she imagined how it would feel during the day. She finally realized what she had admitted, but strangely it wasn't bothering her. So what if he knew? "It's nice out here."

He left her to open the vehicle door and brought out her acoustic guitar. Tommy handed it to her and she took it without question, hastily popping the rest of the licorice into her mouth. "Play something of yours for me."

"I don't…" She started to deny automatically, but the words died on her lips. She had gone back to G-Major and nothing catastrophic had happened, actually no one had even known who she was, so what did it matter if he heard her own music? She started on something soft and slow, something Tommy thought he recognized, although he had never heard it played this way. The words popped into his head and suddenly he knew.

_Can't be held responsible_  
_She was touching her face_  
_I won't be held responsible_  
_She fell in love in the first place_  
_For the life of me, I cannot remember_  
_What made us think that we were wise_  
_And we'd never compromise_  
_For the life of me I cannot believe, we'd ever die for these sins_  
_We were merely freshman_

"The Freshman…" he murmured as he recalled what it was and her fingers stilled immediately, her eyes flashing to him.

"What did you say?" she asked, a little stunned. How could he know….

"That's the name you gave it right? The Freshman?"

"How do you know that?" Jude could feel a bubble of hysteria threatening her. She didn't show her music to others anymore, and this one had been particularly personal.

Tommy stilled himself, realizing she did not know. All kind of legalities flashed through his mind. JC had admitted Jude and his brother Jess were responsible for the song, and if she didn't know if it was being used… "You didn't know Cipher Saints used it did you?"

"Oh…" Jess must have sent it to JC at some point and had never told her. Of course after he had left Canada their communication had slowly dwindled to nothing. She still missed Jess. He had been one of her best friends growing up.

"They changed it, sped it up, but it's still yours."

She shrugged nonchalantly, even as she wondered what they had done to it. It was flattering to think that they had thought it good enough to use, but at the same time it had been her song, her and Jess's and it was hard for her to let it go.

"Let me hear your version," he said commandingly, always sensing that the song was meant to be something else entirely.

"Why?"

"Do you always have to argue about everything?" he said in exasperation and shook his head. She had to be the most stubborn, pigheaded chick he had ever met.

"I do not…" and her words died again as she realized she was. Jude huffed out an impatient breath she did not truly mean and let her fingers find the strings. The music playing from the car, did not ruin her concentration in the least.  
When it was over he simply stared at her.

"What?" she asked tetchily, nervous at the intensity in his eyes.

"Nothing." He finally managed to tear his gaze away. "I should probably get you home before your parents worry."

"They're not home. At least I know my mom isn't, but I doubt my dad is either." They heard the ring tone of her phone from inside the Hummer and Jude handed him the guitar so she could get it. She stared down at the screen and frowned. It was JC, probably finally realizing she had left, but she didn't want to talk to him, afraid she would flip out on him.

Tommy put away her guitar and got into the driver's seat, staring over at her. "Aren't you going to answer that?"

Jude shook her head and threw the phone back in her bag. "It's nothing important."

On the way to her house the rain that had threatened all day finally fell, not a deluge, but heavy enough to have his wipers making a rapid swishing sound against the windshield. She didn't really want to go home, but she couldn't exactly stay out with Tommy all night. They neared her house and a sense of dread washed over her. Jude's fertile imagination sometimes made it hard to sleep when she was alone. It was the same reason she hated scary movies.

"Let me drop you at the door. It's pouring out there."

"Yeah sure…"

He pulled to the curb and glanced over at her with an almost smile on his lips. They hadn't done much of anything tonight, but he hadn't once been bored with her. That was a little odd to him, since the females in his life usually only fell into one category and she was out of bounds, so that couldn't be where she fit.

Jude paused for a moment, reluctant to get out. Suddenly she gave into her impulse, leaning forward and throwing her arms around him, stunning Tommy immobile. "Thanks," she whispered against his ear and his arms finally returned the hug.  
His head moved closer to her hair and smelled her natural scent. Tommy closed his eyes, a vulnerable expression on his face that he did not realize he had. She felt good there, in his arms. It was so freaking easy to be around her.  
They both finally pulled back, a little awkwardly. Jude's eyes slid from his, wondering how she could have done that. She barely knew the man, even if it sometimes felt like she had known him for much longer.

When Jude finally had her stuff in her hands, ready to get out, he leaned over towards the passenger seat. "Thanks for filling in." He grinned at her and they were alright again, just like that.

"Thanks for asking me," she said smilingly. "See you on Monday." She turned away and shut the door, hurrying towards her house, trying to keep her guitars from getting drenched.

Jude lay on her side on top of the covers, staring at the shadowy white wall of her room. She once again ignored the beep of the phone beside her that signaled that she had had a call. It was probably JC again, asking where she was and she wasn't ready to talk to him yet. She had to take some time to get herself under control, not wanting to appear pathetic for caring that he was flirting with other girls. She didn't have any claim to him, she had to admit, except friendship and a shared past and it had been extremely naïve to assume anything more. That, however did not stop it from hurting when she revisited that scene in the club. And then she remembered that kiss the first day. He had kissed her like he meant it, but she had little experience to assume she knew what it had really been about.

Jude froze, hearing a slight tap at her window, which was odd because her bedroom was on the second floor. She was all alone in house and what if someone tried to break in? There was the noise again and she hesitantly crept towards the sound. The rain had slowed to a drizzle and she pried open the window to glance down.

He saw her hair, the color of flame, and indistinct face popping out of her bedroom window. "Jules!" JC practically shouted up at her, relief that she was home making his anger return. How could she just take off like that without telling him? He had always felt a sense of responsibility towards her, ever since Jess had brought her and Jamie to their home after the first day of kindergarten. Now though he wasn't sure what he felt towards her, now that she had grown up.

"Shh," she hissed too loudly herself and managed to tone down her next words, "you'll wake the neighbors!" Little did she know, that he already had gotten the attention of one of them.

Jamie Andrews, the boy next door and Jude's one time good friend, stared out his own bedroom window, and watched the man on the street, wondering who he was and why he was in front of Jude's house. He thought about calling the cops, but decided against it. She was no longer any of his business, not that he wished anything truly bad to happen to her.

"Come down here then," he hissed back in a lower octave tone.

She sighed knowing he wouldn't just leave if she told him to and slammed the window shut without further comment. She stalked down the stairs, without the sense to even put on more than the flimsy spaghetti strap baby blue tank top and pajama bottoms she was wearing. The front door was flung open and Jude stared into his deep green eyes. "It's late Chris. What do you want?" Jude hadn't meant to sound so abrupt, almost hostile, but she was tired and emotionally drained.

"Your parents home?"

She shook her head, not feeling inclined to elaborate.

"Can I come in?"

Jude stepped back and he entered, brushing against her as she turned to shut the door behind them. She brushed the moisture off her arm, trying to appear irritated that he had touched her. She folded her arms over her chest and looked at him warily.

"What the hell was that Jules? You can't just take off without…"

"I'm not your responsibility Chris. I got a ride okay?" Jude rolled her eyes at him and he shook his head in irritation. "Besides you seemed pretty busy." She put snide emphasis on the last word, causing him to narrow his eyes at her.

"I was fucking worried about you. Don't you get it? I looked for you all over the club. You don't answer your cell, you don't answer your house phone…"

Jude spread her arms, waving at her body. "I'm fine, alright?"

"Why are you acting like this Jules. What the fuck did I do to piss you off?"

"I'm not pissed off. You're the one who came in here yelling at me." Her denial would have sounded more sincere if there wasn't that bite to them, that she couldn't conceal. Her blue eyes flashed at him and he took in the whole picture now that he had started to calm. Her long hair was tousled and had started to curl into it's natural waves. The tight tank top hugged her curved waist and high breasts, nipples poking through in the chilly hallway. She looked away from him, not wanting him to see how close the surface her emotions were.

"Jules," he said softly, taking a step closer, the hem of his jacket brushing against her. "What's wrong?"

She stared up, and he was suddenly way too close. She could smell the cigarette smoke on his clothes, the slight scent of sweat, not unpleasant, underneath and the faintest hint of the soap he had used. She hadn't meant to ask the question that had been festering in her all night, but somehow it escaped her anyway, his presence undoing her weak restraint. "Why did you kiss me?"

He sighed as he stared down at her head. "Is that what this is about?" he asked gently, tipping her chin up to meet his eyes.

"Never mind, I didn't-"

"Jules."

She stopped speaking at the way he said her name.

"Let's sit down okay?"

She nodded and led him into the living room, both of them taking the couch. She tucked one leg under her other thigh and faced him.

"I didn't expect to see you when I came back to town. You were Jess's friend, so I didn't think about looking you up."

She nodded a bit dejectedly, hearing only the negative in his words. Apparently her memories of him were more fond than his of her. She had suspected as much, but had hoped…

"Hey it was a surprise to see you at the studio-But it was a fucking good surprise."

She blinked up at him in wonder and then watched his finger trail along her bare arm. Her skin tingled, sending her thoughts whirling once again.

"_You_ were a good surprise."

Jude gave him a questioning look, afraid to read more into what he was saying.

"You were just a kid when I left. Do I need to state the obvious? You're not that little girl anymore. At least I didn't think you were. So I took a chance and kissed you." He was so patient, so much like she remembered growing up. He had always had time for his little brother and his friends, despite his many dates and the cool crowd he hung with.

"So what? It was just a test?" she asked a bit unsurely, yet still managing her brand of sardonicism.

He grinned at her and leaned in, his mouth close to hers. This time he did not take, but asked permission with his eyes, waiting for her approval.

She closed her eyes, curiosity making her want to try it all over again. And he did not disappoint, his lips touching hers gently, brushing lightly across hers, slowly building up the contact. She found herself pushing back, angling her head for better access and then felt his palm on her back, holding her closer. Her hand rested on his denim clad thigh to steady herself. Jude's eyes flickered open lazily, when he finally pulled back.

"You taste like candy," he stated, making her cheeks take on a pink tinge.

"Red licorice," she confirmed, mentioning it brought back the earlier part of the night and Tommy, but she kept that to herself. He had not asked who had brought her home and she was, for some unacknowledged reason unwilling to share that piece of information.

"I didn't know-If you really wanted this," he admitted unashamedly, bringing her attention back to him in blinding clarity. Chris, although having had quite a few girlfriends in high school, had always been honest about his intentions; she knew that much. And even though they were not the same people the other once knew, she trusted that integral part of him had not changed.

Jude recalled their first kiss, where she had not been much of a participant, more like a frozen observer. Of course she had felt something when he had kissed her, but he had not known because she hadn't done or said anything to make him think _she_ had wanted it. And she _did _want him to know, she finally realized. She leaned into him and this time her mouth found his, unresisting.

His arms went around her to steady her precarious position, half leaning into him, half perched on the edge of the couch. He pulled her onto his lap, and their mouths melded together more fully.

When they pulled apart again, his trademark grin aimed at her. That same thing that had made him protective of her once upon a time, had evolved into something else, something more and what made her so unique was that she never realized it.

Jude always spoke when she was nervous and this moment was no exception. "So do I pass?" She really did not have that much experience making out with guys and was afraid she was doing it wrong.

He groaned and shook his head in humor, before lifting his vivid green eyes to hers again. Suddenly they were serious, as he bent his neck forward and met her lips once more. She was like his favorite candy, or that cigarette after amazing sex, or that first cold beer on a hot summer day, or that one sweet note that hung on the air after the song you had nailed was done.

They sat on the couch, Jude leaning into his arms, still a little afraid to break the moment by speaking.

Chris raised his arm behind her back and stared at his leather cuff watch. It was pushing 2 AM. He sat up and gently disentangled himself from her. "I should go."

She nodded slowly, even though she didn't really want him to leave, didn't want to be reminded that she had been alone in the big house until he showed up. Her dad had left a message on the answering machine saying he would be working late at the office and that he might just crash on the couch. Jude knew where he really was though and she had ceased to be surprised at his barely concealed affair.

"Do you wanna drop in at G-Major after school Monday? I could use your help," he asked as he played with the hem of her tank top, letting his finger slide just a tiny bit onto her bare skin.

She gave him a shy smile before nodding. "Yeah, I can do that."

He stood up suddenly, knowing if he didn't leave now, he wouldn't want to. Chris leaned down and cupped her face in his callused fingers, pressing another kiss onto her full, now swollen lips.

As she started to lean into the kiss, he straightened up suddenly, backing up a step, leaving her off balance. "Night Jules." He grinned before turning to go.

"Bye…" she said a little stunned, watching him let himself out the door, leaving a quiet click of the lock behind him.

Jude spread gloss over her lips on the bus. It was ironic that she was eager to get to G-Major when just a few days ago she had dreaded it. She had to wonder how things would be between Chris and herself now.  
Tommy saw the familiar red hair passing the reception area and went to intercept, curious as to why she was here today, but happy nonetheless that she was. Before he got to her, another man stepped in his path. He watched as JC leaned down and brushed his mouth against her temple, before giving Jude a hug. His hand stayed on her waist as he led her into Studio Two.

"I thought you and JC were getting along," Kwest, Tommy's good friend and an engineer at G-Major, commented as he walked up to him.

"What?" Tommy said in distracted confusion, "Yeah, we're fine."

"Then what's that glare about?" Kwest was now more than mildly interested as he watched the direction of Tommy's gaze.

"I'm not glaring," Tommy said a bit too hastily to be convincing. He schooled his features back to his usual nonchalance.

"Uh okay. Catch you later." With a nod of his head, Kwest disappeared towards Studio Three.

Tommy had not had a chance to talk privately to Jude all day at G-Major, JC had been practically glued to her side. And he even had to admit, they meshed well together while working on his music, not that he could say he liked that any better. But he _had _watched her make excuses to JC about having to be home, so that she could keep their lesson tonight though and that had satisfied something inside of him. At least she knew how to keep her mouth shut to her boyfriend or whatever JC was to her. So now that he had her all alone, as per usual the only ones left in the old building he had to ask, "so you and JC?"

"Yeah," she said softly, staring up into his light eyes, not feeling comfortable telling him.

"You didn't say anything the other night. It kinda seemed like you were mad at him," he tried hard to appear only mildly interested even though he did not know what he would do if she didn't answer his question.

She shrugged self-consciously. "He came by after you dropped me off -We worked some stuff out. Why?" Jude looked at him with her clear, honest eyes and it was his turn to feel discomfited.

Tommy shrugged. "Just curious."

"Oh…" Jude felt a twinge of something uncomfortable, disappointment? No, that couldn't be it, she told herself and brushed it off. She offered him a half smile. "You been practicing?"

"Of course," he said arrogantly and she didn't even mind.

She shoved his guitar into his hands and sat back on her stool. "So show me."


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

They walked out into the parking lot in a companionable silence, both of them hands full with their guitar cases and Tommy, surprisingly had grabbed her bag upstairs, before she could stop him. He turned to stare at her quizzically, after putting their things in the space behind the seats, since she had not gotten in yet. There was something alarming about the impish curve to her full lips as she stared at him over the roof of the car.

"Tommy…" She drew out the syllables of his name, sending a frisson of something unnamed down his spine. "You trust me right?"

"Depends what you want Harrison."

"It's not that far from my house and I was wondering…"

"What?" he prompted skeptically.

"Your car is really nice…" Her eyes lowered to admire the blue Viper. "I bet it drives like a dream."

"Thanks…"

Then those guileless blue eyes met his and he understood, mentally kicking himself for being slow. "Oh no…" he said immediately over her protests.

"Please…" she went around the car to his side, her hand resting on his arm. "I'm a good driver. I promise nothing will happen to your baby."

He turned his head away from her entreaty, trying desperately not to give in to her pleas, but when her arms wrapped around his waist he was lost. Her soft hug unraveled him and he sighed in defeat. "You have a license right?"

"Of course."

"Let's see it," he held out his hand, getting a eye roll from her as she dug in her pocket. She shoved the plastic card at him and he took it with a smirk. He glanced down and then back up at her. "Nice picture." He scanned over the I.D. and noted something of interest on it.

And although Jude knew he was being sarcastic, it was an awful picture, making her pale skin looked washed out and her eyes huge and owl-like, she couldn't detect it in his voice.

Tommy handed her back the I.D. and tossed the keys the short distance into her greedy little hand.

When they were both buckled in and Jude had adjusted everything she needed to, she glanced over at him. "Ready?" Excitement brightening her face.

"You better not make me regret this," he warned even as the peal of tires, shattered the semi-quiet night.

He groaned in relief when she finally pulled to a stop at the curb, down the street from her home. The way his hand had tried, in vain, to grab hold of something to hang onto, reminded him of how small the dimensions of his car really were and then he had tried to jog his memory to figure if he had ever read any safety reports about the Viper in an accident. He tried to calm his breathing and think rationally. Okay…so she had been driving a bit fast, and had her foot even skimmed the brakes when she took those corners? He had to admit, albeit reluctantly, that she was not reckless, maybe a bit inexperienced, but she had been in control. Maybe it was that surrendering of his own control that really bothered him and not her crazy driving? But would he ever let it happen again? Hell no!

And then just like that his thoughts flew out the window as he turned to her. For once, she was completely unguarded and her exuberant smile was his undoing. Something inside him shifted and even though in that moment he didn't know it, he would never be the same. He barely registered Jude removing her seatbelt, suddenly engulfed by the scent of her as her arms went around his neck.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you," she whispered like a mantra, her breath fanning his neck.

He was surprised at that sudden ache of disappointment when she pulled back.

"That was amazing," she said, and he gave her a slow grin in return, that suddenly had her heart doing double time. It was no wonder he was so popular with the opposite sex, if he could make her feel like this with just a look. Jude had to remind herself that she had a boyfriend, kind of, and when she was with J.C. he was the one that filled her mind, but-he wasn't here right now.

Jude had never thought that line about being 'caught in a moment' could be true, but here they were, just sitting there, waiting for nothing in particular. She glanced over at him, surreptitiously, catching him doing the same, before looking away again.

"You should probably get inside," he finally said and she nodded in agreement.

As per usual he watched as she made her way down the sidewalk towards her house, waiting until she had flickered the outside light to signal she had gotten in okay. 

J.C. and Jude sat on his living room floor, in the large old Victorian he had rented with his band-mates. Wadded pieces of white notebook paper surrounded them, along with empty soda cans and candy bar wrappers. They had soon learned that if they worked on songs informally, Bodie would not demand to have input into the music, unlike when they holed up at G-Major the couple of times Jude had come by. The only downside was that Tommy had been a good sounding board and had his own songwriting abilities to add to the mix.

"We're grabbing Chinese, you guys want in?" Justin asked as he entered the room from the hallway, to leave through the front door, Trey following right behind him.

J.C. and Jude glanced at one another without having to say a word, and J.C. spoke for both of them, declining their offer. They were alone again, and he leaned in, taking her lips by surprise, not that she was complaining. The guy definitely knew how to kiss, her lips tingling at the contact.

J.C sat back and stared at her until she grew self-conscious.

"What?" she looked up from her lyrics and asked with a tinge of annoyance, at his piercing gaze.

"There was this chick I used to know…" He grew silent, pensive, even as her nerves began to scream in alarm.

Was he going to mention a past girlfriend? Someone he had never gotten over? She hadn't asked about his years in California and she hadn't volunteered about her own boring life either.

"She was the most talented person I ever met-could outplay me within three years of learning the guitar."

She calmed as she realized he was talking about her, curious enough not to stop his embarrassing recollection of her.

"But what I always thought was the most amazing thing about her was…she wrote music and she could sing." He nodded to himself, even as her muscles tightened in strain. His piercing green eyes, caught hers and held. "Tell me why you stopped."

"I still write," she hedged, eyes going to the scarred wood floor, but he simply waited for her to continue. Finally when she couldn't take his silence any longer, she looked up again. "I just-I just didn't want to do it anymore," she said flatly, even as he studied her face for more.

"Jess told me you entered that singing contest. Star something."

Jude blinked at him surprised, never knowing if Jess had ever gotten that last letter from her, since he had stopped writing back. "Instant Star…It didn't work out, that's all."

"Is that why you stopped singing? Because you didn't do well in the competition?"

She pulled at the loose threads at the knee of her frayed jeans and shook her head. "It didn't feel right," she said evasively, half truths, like lies, having never rolled easily off her tongue. "Can you just drop it Chris?" She held her breath, waiting for him to keep asking the question she didn't want to answer.

His green eyes softened as he glanced over at her. "Yeah of course Jules. So tell me what's off with these lyrics." He handed her the sheet of paper they'd been writing on.

She exhaled a sigh of relief, that he didn't push her and made herself concentrate on the words in front of her instead. She felt his hand on her shoulder, pulling her back into his chest. Jude settled between his legs, resting the back of head against his shoulder and they both studied the page. She scrawled a few adjustments and he half sang, half hummed out a preliminary melody.

Jude turned her head back halfway, in surprise, when he took the page and pen from her hands and set it down beside them.

His palm spanned the back of her neck and his fingers curved around her cheek, pulling her to his lips.

She turned her body more fully, one hand on his shoulder, the other resting on his knee.

His tongue demanded entrance, and her mouth parted in reply. His other hand stroked her back, sending small shivers down her spine.

She almost forgot to take a breath when she felt his fingers low on her spine, touching the bare skin where her shirt had ridden up. The tips caressed lightly, even as his tongue swept against hers forcefully. Her brain was fast becoming clouded, unable to pinpoint the sensations to just one spot. Her arm moved up, palm pressing against his muscular chest.

It was no wonder neither of them heard the front door opening, the boys back from their food run.

Jude sprang back in panic when Justin cleared his throat. Color brushed her cheeks and he smirked, but did not comment.

"Sure you don't want any food? We got plenty," Trey's warm brown eyes, made her relax. Neither of these guys, was the member of the band she didn't get along with. And just as she thought it, she heard footsteps on the stairs, what sounded like heels on the hallway floor.

They all collectively turned to the doorway and saw a tall blonde, with full breasts, a tight pink dress and stilettos walking in, a shirtless, Bodie behind her, hand on the small of her back in a proprietary manner. She murmured a hello to everyone, but her attention was definitely on Bodie. He walked her to the door, ignoring the others.

"Call me?" Jude heard her ask hopefully, instead of demanding.

Jude turned towards Chris in question. "That's not Tina," she mentioned Bodie's supposed girlfriend, whom she had only met once at the studio, but Tina was petite and brunette and a little plainer than someone Jude would have expected Bodie to date, definitely not this slightly slutty looking girl.

Trey and Justin turned away, suddenly uncomfortable. Trey mumbled something about heading to the kitchen.

Bodie shut the door behind the girl and gave Jude an arrogant sneer before walking back the way he had come.

"Did they breakup?"

Chris, looked away from her, his face suddenly closed off.

"Chris? What…"

He sighed, and looked into her big, trusting eyes. "They didn't break up Jules."

"Oh…" They were guys, friends, and bandmates, and she finally got it. Bros before hoes. And she had to wonder, how much the other's had ever covered for him.

He answered her unspoken question, her eyes giving her away. "Jules, you know me. I'm not like that."  
She looked into his deep emerald eyes and nodded. "I know."

J.C. entered the room, nodding at Tommy who stood leaning against the back wall. The engineer and producer that had the scheduled block before them, were just finishing up with the cute brunette in the sound booth.

Ellis Montgomery sighed when she missed the high note in her song once again, and glanced back at them before putting his hand on the intercom button.

"That's a wrap Brie, try and rest your vocals tonight. You need to nail that tomorrow."

"I didn't know it was that easy to get a contract," J.C. commented to Tommy, neither of them impressed at her performance. "Jude could have nailed that in her sleep."

Ellis spun around in his swivel chair and nodded at them. "Thanks for waiting Tommy." He and his engineer cleared out with their things, Tommy and J.C. taking their seats.

"So Jude-She's really that good?" Tommy tried for casual, and was proud that he managed it.

"She was the last time I heard her. She said she'd come by today. Maybe you can hear for yourself."

Tommy knew how adamant she was about not singing and gave the other man a skeptical look.

Jude, Kwest and the rest of the band came into the room, ending any comment J.C. could make.

They had laid down the rough tracks yesterday, and J.C. would be adding his vocals this session, but he seemed to be having trouble nailing it today.

"What is his problem?" Tommy growled, even as he suspected this was some nefarious plan on J.C.'s part.

Jude gnawed on her lower lip and stared at him through the glass. He had understood how it was supposed to sound just yesterday, when they had rehearsed it together. "Let me talk to him." Without waiting for a reply, she got up and opened the door to the next room.

"What's going on?" she asked, walking close enough to touch, hip to thigh. "You had this nailed yesterday."

He shrugged. "What'd I miss?"

She was hesitant to knock his singing, but went ahead anyway. "You're not starting off on the right note, 'Stand up, I have had enough' should be-"

"Like this?"

_Stand up_  
_I have had enough_  
_Walk away before I finish what you started_  
_Face to face I will put you in your place_  
_End this game before I finish what you started_  
_Face to face everything will change_

He sang the verse, but she shook her head when he caught her eyes. "What'd I do wrong?" he asked in confusion. "Why don't you show me what it's supposed to sound like?"

"Chris I don't…"

He took her hand and stared deep into her eyes. "Come on Jules, I'm not getting it today. Tom's gonna chew my ass out if I waste the studio time. Just go through it for me."

She stared at him mutinously, but finally nodded reluctantly. She missed the slightly evil grin he directed towards the glass, as he signaled for them to cue the music again.

He removed the headphones from around his neck and placed them on her ears, gently, earning a slightly nervous smile from her.

Jude closed her eyes and waited as the guitar began.

When she finished singing, the utter silence made her look up to every eye in the vicinity on her, stunned. She saw Tommy giving her a penetrating gaze through the glass and then turned to Chris, a smug expression on his face. She glared at him for only a split second, feeling exposed, angry and stupid all at the same time. He had set her up. "You asshole!" She stormed towards the exit before he could reply and he stood in panic to go after her.

"Fuck," he muttered. He had expected her to get it, to finally know her fears were unfounded, that she was meant to behind that mic. He had not expected that mixture of hurt and fury in her eyes, aimed painfully at him.

When he reached the outer room, Tommy stopped him. "Let me. The way she's feeling now she'd probably rip your balls off and feed 'em to you."

JC nodded unhappily, not knowing how to deal with this side of Jude he had never seen. She had never held this kind of anger, darkness inside her before and he was unused to it now.

Tommy caught up to her in the lobby and grabbed her arm to stop her. She swung around and aimed her bright angry eyes his way.

"Why don't you sing anymore?" he asked before she could blast him.

"That's none of your…" Her voice stilled as she looked past his shoulder, her cheeks going pale. "E.J…" she whispered. He turned and saw the Asian woman coming towards them.  
How did Jude know E.J., G-Major's event promoter and Darius's personal administrator. She did everything in the place, and didn't let anyone forget it.

"Hey Tommy." E.J. said before glancing at Jude and pausing for a moment. "You look kind of familiar. Do I know you?"

It figured that this woman who had influenced Jude's life so much couldn't even be bothered to remember her, Jude thought. Jude could only stare mutely at the pretty Asian woman, shaking her head. "I don't think so."

"So what brings you to G-major?"

Jude wanted to give a nasty retort, but managed to control her instincts. If it had been up to EJ Jude definitely would never have been allowed to step foot in the studio, except maybe as an intern or janitor or something.

Jude unglued her mouth, and mumbled, "just visiting my boyfriend."

"Oh." E.J. turned away from her, any vestige of interest gone. "Tommy, Darius wants to see you after your session."

Tommy nodded at her and turned back to Jude when she walked away. "How do you know E.J.?" he asked, not unreasonably, already having had suspicions she had somehow been here before.

Jude took a deep breath and she wasn't sure if it was because he was asking, or if she was simply ready to let the story out, but she began to talk. "The truth is I made it to the semi-finals of Instant Star the first year they did it," she stated plainly.

"I never saw you…" He hadn't actually been involved in the process, but it was strange that this was the first time he had heard she had been in it.

"I was disqualified, not meeting the minimum age requirement. The year was okay, but I was born two months too late." And it was her own sister that had turned her in. Jude had forgiven Sadie eventually, but back then she had been more alone than ever. Her parents had bickered over her entering the contest in the first place, not believing Jude should be rewarded with the things that gone on before, not that they had been entirely her fault either, but they had needed someone to blame.

"So why didn't you try the next year? You would have won easily."

"It was EJ…When she told me I wasn't moving on in the competition she said some things…" Even though she had committed to letting the sorry past out, it was still hard.

"What?"

She shook her head, letting the red strands hide her face. "It doesn't matter now…"

"It obviously still does to you," he said, more gently than she had expected from him.

"That I shouldn't be too bummed cuz there's no way I would have won anyway. I wasn't what they were looking for. I wasn't marketable. My image was wrong even if my voice was okay."

He winced in sympathy, completely able to imagine the hardhearted woman saying that to a, impressionable teenager. He could also empathize with how she had probably felt at that point, having dealt with rejection himself. "So you just stopped singing?"

"Look I'm done proving anything to anyone else. I sing for me. And I'm not gonna change into some cookie cutter mold to please you or anyone else," she said defensively.

"What?" He was taken aback.

"I could tell what you thought when you first saw me in that room Tommy. I wasn't your type. Too young, not sophisticated? Not pretty enough or blond enough."

"You're beautiful!" He blurted out as if it were a revelation, feeling like a fool and damn guilty because she had been right about the other stuff.

She scoffed at his pronouncement, not believing that someone like him really saw her. She had never felt completely self confident growing up with a sister like Sadie, who was beautiful, and smart and knew exactly how to turn guys on. Tommy didn't look at her like a girl, except for that kiss that had never happened. They had both been lonely and it had been late. And from what the tabloids said, Tommy would nail anything in a skirt. So what if she liked him more than she had expected? She wasn't going to be another notch on his no doubt scarred bed post. "I'm gonna go…I'll see you tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?" His mind was still on the things she had revealed and that voice…

"You still want your lessons don't you?"

He nodded and opened his mouth to speak, his arm reached out, but she had already started to walk away and he let her go.

High school, for Jude, was simply something to endure, not something she particularly enjoyed. In that same vein, no one on the social ladder, much acknowledged her presence or noticed her. At least that was true until the large, lifted black truck pulled to a stop in front of the steps of Carson Hill High School and a gorgeous man stepped out. It seemed teenage girls had a radar for that sort of thing, hot older men type thing and they definitely noticed J.C. Allen. He leaned against his truck, a bouquet of Gerbera daisies in his hand, and they wondered who the lucky girl was.

She walked out the front doors alone, her red hair glinting in the sunlight and she spotted him almost immediately, the large vehicle being hard to miss.

He had hoped for a smile from those full lips, but at least there was no longer anger in those bright eyes. "Hey," he said when she reached him, her hands on the strap of her book bag, like a shield.

"Hey." She looked down at the flowers he held out, trying to keep a smile from her lips, still upset with him. Finally, she took them from him, admiring the bright, pretty colors.

"I'm sorry I pissed you off."

She looked into his eyes as if gauging his sincerity, and found he did not seem overly concerned. She frowned at him.

"I'm not sorry I got to hear you sing though."

She would have thrown the bouquet back into his face if he at that moment he hadn't wrapped his arms around hers, pinning her in place.

"You lied Jules. You still love it. It's always gonna be in your blood."

"Not anymore." She stated emphatically looking away from his too knowing gaze.

He tipped her chin up to face him again. "Always-Look I don't wanna fight about it. Please Jules. If you're not ready, I get it."

"You won't bug me about it anymore?"

"I'll try. Okay?"

She nodded slightly and he pulled her closer, hugging her slender body against him.

She wasn't sure how it had happened, but somehow, during Tommy Quincy's supposed guitar lesson, they were working on a song instead. What made this particularly remarkable was, she was the one singing the lyrics. She knew why she had done it, because it seemed to make him happy and that worried her more than a little bit.

He had come in tonight, looking haggard and stressed and she had naturally asked him what was  
wrong.

"You know, most people think I'm a lucky asshole for getting paid to do what I love."

"Okay…" The tinge of amusement in her voice. She had thought that herself, more than once, how great it would be to be able to do what she loved and nothing else, like stupid school.

"And it would be great-If my artists weren't temperamental, didn't need to be handled and insisted the full moon was the perfect excuse to throw a kegger in the woods."

Jude winced, understanding suddenly. She had known the Cipher Saints were having a little gathering in the woods last night, but she hadn't really wanted to go. She hadn't known however, that they were supposed to be in the studio this morning.

"And my boss is on my ass, because my band isn't making worthy music, fast enough."

It would have been easier if Bodie didn't constantly interfere and veto songs they were working on. The band had been stressed, which was why the party had seemed to be a good idea.

She had found herself, cajoling him, willing to do almost anything to get him out of his foul mood, including reminding him, rather forcibly how much he actually enjoyed creating music, without all the drama. And when he suggested she sing the lyrics she had down so he could get a hint at the melody she hadn't been able to refuse him. And after the initial fear, and unease was forgotten, she had started to enjoy it too.

"You know most people-They never get to say what's inside them Jude."

She was caught in his light eyed gaze, the palest blue, but warm when he stared at her.

"You have a voice-You shouldn't waste it."

Suddenly she was terrified.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

_Where does it hurt._  
_Tell me 'cause I understand the words of a heart._  
_Beating like winds in my hand. _  
_We can hide. _  
_We'll never lie. _  
_I'll always see into you._

_There's nothing wrong with coming up empty and cold. _  
_Staying too long and try to change rocks into gold._

_I've been there too. _  
_I've wasted myself. _  
_And you were there for me. _  
_So whenever you crash, wherever you lay, that's where I'll be._

_And for every endless midnight, there's a sky for a broken star. _  
_And there'll always be a place for you, inside my arms._

_Where does it hurt._  
_When you open your heart there's always so much to lose._  
_So far to fall and no where to go when it's true._

_But if you let me in, I won't let you down. Put your faith in me._

_'Cause whenever you crash, wherever you lay, that's where I'll be._  
_And for ever endless midnight, there's a sky for a broken star. _  
_And there'll always be a place for you, inside my arms._  
_And there's a million streets to walk down, in this city of broken hearts._  
_But there'll always be a place for you, inside my arms. _  
_Where does it hurt. _  
_Where does it hurt. _

_And for every endless midnight, there's a sky for a broken star. _  
_And there'll always be a place for you, inside my arms._  
_And there's a million streets to walk down, in this city of broken hearts._  
_But there'll always be a place for you, inside my arms._  
_Where does it hurt. _  
_Where does it hurt. _  
_Where does it hurt. _

"You did it," he said lazily, giving her an indulgent smirk. "You finished it." He leaned back against the wall on his stool, arms behind his head.

"I couldn't have done it without you." She put down her guitar by her feet and smiled at him. It would have been hard to explain to an outsider, but finishing a song and knowing it was good was the best feeling in the world. She knew it would never have come out like this without him. Even though he was something of a perfectionist, he was a great teacher. Who would have thunk it? Little Tommy Q actually had genuine talent.  
She grinned to herself at what she was thinking, drawing his interest.

"What's so funny?"

"I just never thought I'd be making music with Little Tommy Q. I always thought you were kind of lame. I mean Sadie tormented us with your music. I think the only CD's she owned were Boyz Attack ones."

"Hey!"

She laughed and held up a hand in a halfhearted effort to prevent him from lunging at her, which he almost looked like he might from the way he leaned forward on his seat. "I know I know. No Little Tommy Q remarks. Sorry."

He couldn't be angry at her in this moment, feeling the same way she did about her finished song and sat back again. "So why this song? You and J.C. haven't hit some rough patch I missed have you?" He realized, belatedly, that he sounded like a nosy girl, but it was too late to take back the words now.

She let the comment on his curiosity slide and shook her head. "It's not about Chris. It's for his brother Jess." _Wherever he was_. He would always be her best friend and he was the only one who could understand things no one else could. He had been shipped off to military school in the States, the last she had known and for some reason she and Chris always steered away from the topic of his brother. She met Tommy's eyes. "He was my best friend, but we lost touch," she said quietly.

Tommy was the first person who would understand a need for privacy and secrets so he did not press, sensing there was more to the story than she had said. "So have you shown it to J.C. yet?" he asked to change the subject.

She shook her head and looked away. Strangely enough it had nothing to do with her reluctance to sing again, the reason she hadn't shared the music she'd been working on with him. She had started to get used to singing with someone else listening, had eased into it pretty quickly. Chris hadn't pushed her yet and deep down she knew he wouldn't be interested in this. "He um…Chris is great-but he's very focused on the kind of music he likes. He thinks Linkin Park is too mellow," she explained.

"You really don't think he'd want to hear this?" For some reason it bothered him a little that she would think anyone would dismiss her song, especially her supposed boyfriend. But he had gotten that impression from J.C. that he was only into the harder side of music.

She shrugged her slim shoulders and pushed a lock of hair behind her ear. "Maybe." At least she knew Tommy wasn't like that. Both of them were very open-minded when it came to giving all types of music a chance. In that they were kindred spirits.

"So-We've been working on your music. Why exactly am I paying you again?" he said in a deceptively mild tone.

Jude pulled her feet up to rest on the top rung of her own stool and wrapped her arms around her knees casually. "Because I need the money and you've got plenty to spare?" she said appealingly.

"Uh huh." He eyed her skeptically. "I'm not running a charity you know. Tell me why you need the money so bad and I'll think about not telling Walt you're not doing the job."

"Don't you dare say anything to Walt!" She knew he was joking and smiled even as she said it.

He cocked an eyebrow and continued to gaze at her.

Jude rolled her own eyes and sighed. "A while back I found this '67 Mustang dirt cheap. The body is in decent condition, but…It needs some work," she said reluctantly, believing that the guy with his multiple shiny expensive cars would scoff at her goal.

His eyes widened with interest at the passion in her voice. "You have a mechanic?"

She shook her head. "Not right now. Walt knows somebody though-I've been working on it when I get the cash for parts."

"Maybe you'll show it me when I drop you off."

"If you're sure you want to." She eyed him strangely, wondering why he would be interested.

* * *

  
The automatic garage door started it's ascent, revealing the vehicle within. "That's her." She made a sweeping motion at the car with her hand. "I got her for a song," she admitted proudly, seeing the potential and not the present mess of rust and peeling paint that he did. She didn't mention that her parents had insisted she keep it in there so the neighbors wouldn't see the eyesore.

"You mean he didn't pay you to tow it away?"

"Hey!" She smacked his arm in mock outrage and he caught her hand in the next instant, smiling down at her. "So she's not at her former glory yet-but she will be."

Tommy stared into her eyes and nodded his agreement. "Can I take a look at the engine?"

"You know about cars?" she asked in surprise.

"I've worked on a few in my time."

Jude gaped at him and he quirked his lips.

"Why is that so surprising Harrison? I didn't always have money you know."

"Fair enough. Go ahead." She watched him as he popped the hood, her eyes inadvertently skimming his backside as he leaned over the motor. She wondered, for an irreverent second, if there was something wrong with her heart because she thought she could literally feel it beating faster.

Jamie Andrews watched from his bedroom window, seeing the sports car on the street in front of the Harrison's house. He had seen the dark haired man walking up the driveway with Jude and wondered what his old friend was doing. He had recognized Jess Allen's older brother dropping her off more than once, but here was someone new. Why did it not surprise him that she was stringing more than one guy along. Hadn't he gotten that impression years ago? He clenched his fists and turned away, wondering briefly why he still missed her when he forgot to keep his guard up.

* * *

"Mmm," Chris murmured against her neck, his lips latching on to the sweet skin. Jude closed her eyes as he nibbled lightly on her ear, her smile broad. His hands were on her hips, pulling her closer to his length and his mouth found her glossy ones.

She parted her lips for his invading tongue, and shivers ran down her spine at the sensation. If possible, they had gotten better at kissing one another, growing more in sync with practice.

He pinned her against the siding, pressing his body tightly against hers as their mouths explored. His hands wandered lower to cup her ass, pulling her ever closer.

Jude was more than a little dazed when the porch light flickered on and the front door swung open.

Chris pulled his head away from hers, blinking at the glare before they both turned their attention to the seething man standing, dressed in a maroon bathrobe over flannel pajamas, in the doorway.

"Dad!" Jude gave a startled yelp, even though she didn't pull out of Chris's arms. She hadn't seen his car and assumed he was out again.

"Who is this?" Stuart seethed as Chris released his hold on her and stepped back warily. Stuart narrowed his eyes, a flicker of recognition coming to the blue depths. "You're Jess's brother."

Chris held out his hand awkwardly. "Hey Mr. Harrison. I'm J.C. Allen."

Stuart ignored the gesture and turned his head to his younger daughter. "Get in the house Jude." His tone brooking no further argument, although she didn't have much to say anyway. She was simply too stunned. She had never expected this reaction from her dad, not now at least. He was mostly indifferent to her these days and she had schooled herself not to care a long time ago.

"Can I just…" She hated that slight whine as she pled with him.

"Now." He cut her off with a look and she met Chris's eyes before turning reluctantly away to enter the confines of the house.

"Look Mr. Harrison I'm sorry you had to see that. But-I really like Jude. I'm not messing around with her."

Stuart shook his head and his cold eyes met the younger man's. "Hasn't your family done enough?"

Chris was stunned speechless at the roiling anger coming off in waves from Jude's father.

"Leave Jude alone. I don't want you coming around here anymore."

"Mr.…" Chris started, still disbelieving this turn of events.

"You should leave now."

Chris nodded, but continued to stand there. "Fine I'll go-but I'm not going to stop seeing Jude." He turned and started away from the house without waiting for a reply.

Jude jumped at the heavy slam of the front door and looked up from the couch at her father. She stood up, and stared at him. "Dad…"

"Stay away from him," he said tightly as if still seeking control over himself.

"Dad, he…"

"I mean it Jude. His brother cost this family too much. How can you forget that?"

She closed her eyes as a an old familiar guilt set in. "I didn't…But it's not Chris's fault."

"It's not up for discussion. I'm going to take this week off. I expect you to be home right after school."

"Okay…" Jude nodded reluctantly, losing the energy to fight. "I'm going up to my room."

"Alright." He crossed his arms in front of his chest and watched as she slowly edged out of the room and up the stairs.

* * *

She never thought there would be a day that walking into G-Major Records would feel like sunshine in a month of cloudy days, but she was buoyant as she swung her hips towards the studio the Saints always used. The receptionist had grown used to seeing her around and had only said a simple hello before going back to her work.

He was the first to see her, and he returned her bright smile with one of his own rare ones, their eyes locking in greeting. He had not heard from her in over a week because as J.C. had told him, she had been grounded by her father and even her cell phone confiscated. He had shown up at Walt's studio on their next scheduled lesson anyway, but was not surprised when she had not shown.

Perhaps the smile and look lasted just a second too long, because his engineer and best friend Kwest followed his gaze speculatively.

Jude turned her attention past Tommy as she cleared the doorway, her smile brightening, if possible and it only too a moment for the singer to pause and notice her right back. "Is it alright if I go in?" she asked Tommy respectfully.

"Well since we're taping dead air, it can't hurt," he said sardonically in reply. Jude put her bag down on one of the spare chairs and entered the sound booth.

The two men behind the soundboard watched as J.C. pulled her into his arms.

"Okay, what's with you and Jude?" Kwest asked, startling Tommy enough to glance at him.

"What do you mean? She's a cool chick and she loves music," Tommy replied nonchalantly, feeling slightly on edge that Kwest had noticed something between them.

"You never pay that much attention to a woman, unless you want something from her," Kwest pronounced as someone who had known Tommy for a long time.

"What could I possibly want from her?" Tommy scoffed.

Kwest snickered and grinned wide. "Do you really want me to answer that man?"

"It's not like that. She's just a kid."

"Yeah?" Kwest raised an eyebrow and looked through the glass into the sound booth, Tommy's gaze following his. "That's not what he thinks."

J.C. had Jude's face captured in his palms, and his mouth covered hers.

"So what exactly is it like again?" Kwest asked sardonically as his eyes fell on Tommy's white knuckled grip on the edge of the soundboard.

* * *

They had worked long hours tonight and Jude had stayed for the entire day. Her dad had gone back to his regular routine and her mother had started taking a Pilates class after work. She was good about not getting in the way, so no one commented on her hanging around the studio. Of course that could have had something to do with the way Tommy accepted her presence there too.

Tommy unplugged the studio laptop and was resetting the controls when J.C. and Jude, whom were the only other ones left, entered the small space. The band had skipped a couple of hours ago and Kwest an hour later.

"We're gonna grab some real food. You in?" J.C. asked, his arm wrapped around Jude's shoulders and she leaned in to him even as she met Tommy's eyes.

"You should come," she asked in her distinctive, slightly raspy voice. They had not had much of a chance to talk today and it seemed strange that they hadn't now that she was finally free again.

"Yeah, sure. Give me a minute."

Tommy joined them in the lobby and they headed out, with him locking up behind them.

* * *

Jude opened her eyes slowly, blinking the room into focus, realizing this spacious bed was not her own smaller one, but yet finding nothing strange in that knowledge, accepting it as if it were normal. Her arm brushed against bare skin and she turned to stare at the green eyed man gazing intently at her, slumberous hunger in the depths of his eyes. "Hi," she whispered with a curve to her lips.

"Hi," Chris replied.

Jude turned her head away from him and this time met icy blue eyes, giving him an equally dreamy smile. "Hi."

He grinned sexily at her. "Hi." Tommy brushed her sleep tousled hair out of her face, his fingers caressing her cheek as he did so, his thumb gliding across her lips.

Her mouth opened and she took the digit between her teeth nipping lightly. She did not turn at Chris's touch on her hair as he slid it out of his way and his mouth found her neck. His hand grazed down to cup her breast over her short crimson silk nightgown and she stifled a moan when she felt another hand, not really sure who it belonged to, rubbing her stomach. She met Tommy's mouth with lips parted, tongues gliding together.

The hand at her stomach moved lower, finding it's way under the short hem and touched her warm inner thigh. Points of sensation pulsed everywhere they touched.

Chris's thumb brushed insistently at her hardened peak before pinching the taut flesh. His mouth replaced his hands and she could feel the hot breath hovering so close, the silk had started to dampen.  
Tommy's hand at the apex of her thighs, roamed ever higher, closer to that secret place that ached for something…


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

Chris swept away the flimsy barrier of her gown, his mouth fastening on the aching peak at the very same moment Tommy's fingers slid between her legs to touch…

Jude awoke with a start, sitting straight up in bed, gasping unevenly and reached automatically to turn off her radio alarm. She put her head into her hands and tried to slow her intake of air. What the hell was that? Her heart was beating a fast staccato and she could feel moisture at her neck, which was almost alien to her since she rarely exerted herself enough to sweat. She really wished she hadn't watched those Grey's Anatomy reruns last night-didn't she?

It made sense to dream about her boyfriend, her very hot, gorgeous, slightly bad boy boyfriend, but Tommy? She couldn't deny he was also equally attractive in a different, polished yet still with a slightly dangerous air kind of way. But he was just a friend. Not that she had ever felt like that about any of her guy friends before. She had never held that much attention from cute guys before and told herself she merely appreciated the way he looked. It was as simple as that. Right?

Jude took a deep breath and rested her head against her drawn knees. She would make it through their lesson tonight.

* * *

He was there in the dimly lit studio space, before her for once, sitting on the stool he had claimed as his, strumming lightly across the strings of his guitar. Something about the scene made her weak-kneed and she had to consciously think about moving forward. Her fascination with guys with guitars had started early, thanks to Chris and his lessons, but that did not explain her very specific fascination, with him.  
Jude let her long hair sweep in front of her face as she leaned over to put her stuff down. She barely got a glimpse through the silken red curtain, before her eyes darted away. It felt unbearably hot in here all of a sudden.

* * *

The guitar lesson last night had been tense for some reason Tommy could not possibly know about, Jude's conversation stilted and a slight edge of strain had crept into her voice. She had not met his eyes for more than a second at a time and he would have said something about her behavior except that she had seemed ready to bolt at the slightest provocation. She had not spoken more than necessary, keeping the session more professional than he had known she was capable of.

That had made today doubly puzzling for Tommy as he watched Jude practically climbing inside J.C. she clung to him so closely. She had barely said hello to him today, before jumping into her boyfriend's arms and initiating a kiss that pushed the boundaries of acceptability in front of others. She had never struck him as that girl.

Tommy raised his head at the call of his name to see the receptionist, Nicole trying to get his attention. She told him Darius wanted to see him right away, before getting back to her desk. He nodded and didn't bother to tell the others where he was going.

Tommy came back into the room a few minutes later to see Bodie strumming his guitar, and for once they all appeared to be getting along. Jude and J.C. were still trying to be the four armed blob creature as she sat in his lap, her arms around his neck. Justin and Trey sat there as if waiting for something to do, Justin reading Spin magazine and Trey playing with his cell phone.

Tommy took a deep breath, knowing the news would not be welcome. "Listen up."

They glanced up at him curiously, Bodie's the only face that was slightly belligerent, but Tommy ignored it, used to his tantrums. "Darius wants something that'll appeal to the mainstream. A ballad."

Surprisingly or really not so surprisingly, since Jude had mentioned already that J.C. only liked harder rock, he was the first one to protest. "Aww man I am not gonna become some Chad Kroeger wannabe," he complained with feeling, referring to the front man of the multi-platinum Canadian rock band known for their ballads and soft rock songs.

"Yeah Nickelback's like 'the' boy-band of rock." Jude chimed in.

Now she finally spoke to him, Tommy thought sarcastically. Everyone in that room had at least taken a dig at one time or another about Tommy's musical past, but now with Jude acting like a stranger it got to him more than it should have.  
Tommy could only glare at JC who had tears coming out of his eyes from his uncontained laughter. He looked around to the other guys, Justin and Trey at least tried to suppress their humor, but Bodie matched J.C. with his loud snickers.

"Do you wanna catch a movie?" Jude asked Chris, trying to ignore the eyes of another man upon her. They had just finished up their studio time and everyone was busy packing up their gear.

He shook his head, regret in his voice. "Sorry babe we have that pool tournament tonight. Top prize is all the beer we can drink."

"Well I could go with…Cheer you on and all. We haven't seen much of each other this week," she said brightly as if solving the problem.

He looked hesitant to speak as he stared at her. "Aww Jude. It's really just a guys night."

"Oh right. Okay. Have a good time."

"Tomorrow okay? Besides you'd be too distracting if you were there," he cajoled seeing the disappointment in her eyes she had never been good at masking.

She gave him a tentative smile. "It's fine."

"Come on man we still need to register," Bodie called to Chris from across the room.

"Shit I don't have time to drive you home." His eyes kept sliding to his band, now waiting by the doorway.

"It's okay. Go."

Chris gave her a quick kiss before quickly joining his band mates.

Tommy walked by Jude, who still sat on the couch. She was not looking forward to the bus ride.

"Come on I'll give you a ride," he offered without any inflection in his tone.

She stared up at him in surprise. He had been acting like a bit of an asshole today. It had started after that boy band comment of hers, that she had regretted as soon as it had escaped her lips. She hadn't expected him to take it so seriously, her digs at him before had always skated off his ego. But why else would he be acting this way now, slightly arrogant, impersonal, almost cruel towards her?

"You coming?" he called over his shoulder, his hand on the light switch by the door.

"Yeah."

They sat in an uncomfortable silence and Jude could only thank her luck that they were in the spacious Hummer instead of one of his small sports cars.

"You know I didn't think you were the type," Tommy commented snidely, the silence having strained his already taut nerves.

"What?" She snapped out of her daze to look over at him.

"The type to be okay with a guy just ditching you like that."

"He wasn't…" But because his words hit a chord within her, she couldn't help wondering. "Besides it's not like relationships are exactly your thing. So what do you know about it?" she said defensively.

"You're right, it's not my thing. You're becoming a perfect groupie though." Tommy directed back at her.

"You're calling me a groupie? " She was so angry, that was all she could get out, her normal witty retort the furthest thing from her mind. Later when the anger cooled she would feel the underlying hurt at the way he was treating her, but right this moment it was only rage.

"You let him walk all over you without saying anything," he pointed out nastily, swearing a little at the car stopped at the light in front of him before slamming on his brakes.

"You know nothing about me and Chris. Besides it's none of your business." Jude crossed her arms and looked out the passenger window, attempting to ignore him, even if she could literally feel his presence beside her.

He pulled up to the curb a few minutes later and sighed before turning to look at her.

Her jaw was clenched as she undid her seatbelt, her eyes fixedly avoiding looking in his direction.

"Look Jude I…"

She had already opened the door and grabbed her bag, not acknowledging that he had said anything.

He winced as she slammed his door hard, and he could only watched as she marched away, anger in every stride of her tense frame.

* * *

  
They lay sprawled on his plain blue comforter, Jude's head resting on his stomach. Chris shifted and rested on the backs of his elbows to stare down at her fiery hair. "What would be your perfect day?"

She turned her head towards him, so that her cheek rested on his hard muscles. "I dunno. Music? Being with you?" Jude smiled softly at him.

"I think I can do that. Candles, a little dinner?" His hand went out to rub her shoulder.

"Mmm sounds nice," she murmured lazily.

"Come 'ere."

She slithered up his body and stared into his eyes. "Yeah?"

He raised his head and brushed one and then another light kiss on her lower lip, before she shifted even closer, deepening the kiss. He pulled back and stared into her eyes. "I think I'm falling for you," he admitted unselfconsciously, secure in himself because his upbringing had held lots of love and laughter. "Chris…" Her chest and felt tight even as a warm feeling permeated her center. She pressed her lips to his, showing him without words how much he meant to her.

Jude was a bit dazed when he pulled away and moved from underneath her.

"I got it, they want a ballad," he said excitedly. He stood up and pulled her into a sitting position before going over to the corner of his room to grab his acoustic guitar.

She watched him bemused as he tuned the strings.

"How about a duet?" he stared seriously into her eyes as he joined her back on the bed.

She nodded, swallowing the lump in her throat.

"Velvet drapes, glowing candles, silent whispers of words inside of my head," he sang as he strummed the few notes his eyes intent on hers. He put an edge to the guitar that made it a rock ballad, not compromising his music.

"Tell me who you are, I am spellbound. You cannot have this control over me. Everywhere I go I am spellbound. I will break the spell you put on me." Her voice was unwavering, strong and he knew the Jude Harrison he once knew was coming back.

"That's good. Can you grab some paper from my desk."

She edged off his bed and was back quickly, both of them starting to get sucked in by the process.

* * *

"Can I talk to you for a second?" Tommy asked Jude.

She gave Chris a smile before following Tommy towards the soundboard. Jude crossed her arms in front of her chest, defensively, a stubborn jut to her jaw as she stared at him. "What do you want Quincy?"

"Look the other night-I didn't mean it. I was just having a rough day and I took it out on you."

She finally looked at him, and he felt something settle in his stomach. Jude nodded a little curtly. "It's forgotten." She shrugged, even though she still felt a bit vulnerable at his unwarranted attack.

Kwest entered with a large soda in his hand and sat down to set up the controls, only half paying attention to them by the doorway.

"I'll make it up to you."

An unwilling smile, quirked at the corner of her full lips. "How?" she challenged.

"A birthday present?"

"Yeah? It better be something good."

"Oh it is." He grinned at her, finally feeling back on solid ground with their typical banter. He deftly pulled a white business envelope out of the back pocket of his well worn jeans and handed it to her with a flourish.

She opened it excitedly and she pulled out two tickets. Her eyes flew to his, her mouth hanging open, speechless for once.

"My buddy offered them to me and I thought of you." He shrugged nonchalantly.

Before he managed to brace himself she had thrown her body at him and her arms wound around his neck.

J.C., who had been talking to Justin, acknowledged them, but did not think much of it. Jude had always been an exuberant person and his ego was large enough to have never questioned that he was enough for any woman.

Tommy returned her hug, a stupid smile plastered on his face.

"Thank you," she said softly against his neck.

"It's not a big deal. Have a good time," he said lightly, still feeling inordinately happy that she was back to her usual self. He had hated the way she had closed off from him for no apparent reason.

They pulled apart before it got awkward and Jude immediately turned to Chris, the biggest smile shining out of her eyes. She hurried over to him, with Tommy trailing behind.

"Tommy got extra tickets," Jude explained as she practically shoved them into Chris's hand in her excitement.

He glanced at them briefly before handing them back to her. "Kings Of Leon? Babe you know it's not my thing."

Jude looked crestfallen, having thought it would be a perfect way for them to celebrate her birthday early.

"Hey I'm all yours on your birthday," Chris said placatingly, rubbing her cheek gently. "Take one of your friends. You said they were complaining you didn't see enough of them."

Jude nodded and started to think which one of her friends she could bring. The problem was the other two would feel left out no matter who she chose. Then her eyes caught Tommy's. "Are you interested?" she asked hesitantly, figuring he would probably already have plans.

He took a long moment to answer. "Yeah sure. I'll buy you dinner before," he offered in a deliberate, friendly manner.

Her face brightened again, in that infectious way that had him curving his lips.

Tommy sat down in his chair next to Kwest at the soundboard. He started to play back the last song the group had been working on without saying anything to his friend.

Kwest snorted as he stared at Tommy.

"What?" Tommy finally said as he glared over at his friend.

"Your buddy offered them to you? I heard you calling in favors to track those tickets down."

"So what? It's her birthday and she likes the band," he said as if it was a small thing.

"Uh huh…" Kwest said, his voice laced with disbelief.

"You got something to say?" Tommy asked impatiently, pausing the track to look at his friend.

"When's my birthday?"

"How the hell should I know? What does that have to do with anything?" he said in exasperation.

"You know hers."

"Get to the point."

"I know you man. You're falling for this girl."

"It's not like that…"

Kwest continued as if Tommy hadn't said anything. "You're falling for this girl who has a boyfriend-A boyfriend that is one of your main artists." He reminded him of one of the major reasons why he shouldn't go after her.

Tommy shook his head. "She's a cool chick and she gets me more than anyone else ever has. But even if she didn't have a boyfriend, she's not even seventeen yet."

"That's never stopped you before," Kwest commented, remembering the young girls Tommy had seduced on the road.

"I'm not going there." Tommy shook his head, a stubborn lift to his jaw.

Kwest wisely did not say that he thought Tommy was already halfway there.

Justin stepped closer to J.C. when Jude went off to grab some water. "You really okay with her going on a date with someone else?"

J.C. scoffed and looked at his buddy as if he had two heads. "It's not a date. They're just friends." He trusted Jude implicitly. She was one of the best people he had ever known.

Justin held his hands up in surrender. "She's your girlfriend." He had his doubts though. He thought he saw something between Jude and Tommy that was more than mere attraction.

"Damn right," J.C. grinned.

Justin shook his head in mock disappointment. "You got it bad."

"You got to hear her sing. We've been working on a duet." J.C. played the opening chords for Justin to hear. "I don't quite have it yet though."

Justin made a suggestion and J.C. followed it, nodding. "Sounds better."

Jude joined them again and the three of them continued to work through the song that she had named Spellbound.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

Good as his word, Tommy was there on time to take her out for dinner a couple of hours before the show. She got her boots on and headed outside, slamming the door behind her in her rush. Her excitement was infectious as she practically vaulted into the passenger seat of his blue Viper. "Hey," she said enthusiastically, her eyes focused on her seat belt as she buckled it in place. She finally looked at him, noticing his silence.

He cleared his throat and finally managed a weak 'hey' in return.

She looked over at him strangely, her vivid blue eyes sparkling at him anyway. "Is something wrong?"

Blonde. She had gone blonde. It was such a small thing; teenage girls did it all the time, but…He couldn't admit to her that her newly dyed hair had floored him. She looked more mature, more like the woman he tried not to think of her as, rather than the rebellious teenager she occasionally acted like. Blonde. He swallowed hard. Now that she had changed it to this golden hue, he knew with a strange clarity that this was her natural color. It was a well known fact that he had a weakness for blondes.

There was a touch of concern in her voice now, since he had a weird look on his face. Had something come up and he was trying to find a way to tell her he was cancelling? "Tommy? Are you okay?"

"You look good," he finally managed to say.

She gave him a grateful grin as she touched her blonde wavy locks, having temporarily forgotten what she had done last night. "Thanks." She hadn't been sure she liked going back to the color she was born with, having changed it in junior high when she hadn't wanted any comparison between her and her older sister. Sadie had been the perfect blonde princess and Jude had rebelled rather than try to compete. Now it seemed like a long time ago and she had felt it was time to be a grown up, maybe in more ways than one as she thought of the night Chris had planned for them. Maybe that was why she wanted to be different. Would he like it? Tommy's warm eyes on her, seemed to indicate he did. She wasn't a little girl anymore. How long had she been looking after herself anyway?

"So I was thinking of sushi-there's this restaurant I like across town."

She smiled at him, feeling so in sync with him at that moment, it was almost eerie. "How'd you know I love sushi?"

He grinned at her. "I have my ways."

Jude had to agree. He seemed to understand her almost effortlessly sometimes.

* * *

"I've never been here before. It's huge." She looked around unashamedly taking in the large arena and mass of people milling around.

"Really? With how into music you are, I figured you for a regular."

Jude shrugged and smiled at him. "I've been to a lot of club shows, but the bands that play here cost major bucks."

"Ah. Come on." He took her hand and pulled her towards one of the many entrances into the inner arena. They went down a small flight of stairs, onto the arena floor after showing their tickets to one of the ushers, closer to the stage than Jude had expected.

"Gaw I still can't believe you scored third row center seats." Her mouth was still open in awe at the band that was barely twenty feet away from them, close enough so she could see the sweat glistening off the singer, Caleb Followill. Some performers didn't live up to the music they put out on the radio, producers like Tommy having mixed it into a shiny package not reflecting their lack of true talent, but the Kings of Leon, really were that good. Jude bounced up and down to the beat of the song, Tommy grinning at her obvious excitement.

"Hey!" she suddenly spun around and shouted in outrage. There was a large wet spot on the back of her shirt from where the sickeningly sweet smell of beer now wafted.

"Sorry…" A drunken frat guy said in reply, barely glancing at her before looking down at his cup, realizing he had lost most of his drink, more worried about that, than her. He hurriedly moved on, probably to find another beer vendor.

Fabric now clung to her back, unpleasantly sticky and cold. She swore under her breath at the asshole. She pushed the hem of her shirt against her lower back to keep the liquid from tracing a path down the inside of her jeans.

Tommy looked at her, a cross of amusement and sympathy on her face as she scowled at him. He leaned in closer to her to be heard over the din of the music and the fans. "Want me to beat him up?" he asked lightly.

She smiled back reluctantly. "Would you?"

"Anything for you Big Eyes."

She shook her head and sighed at the thought of wearing her wet clothes for the rest of the night.

His hands went to the button on his own short sleeve black button down shirt and he undid two buttons before pulling it over his head, leaving him in a black tank top and leaving Jude a clear view of the tattoos he had on his upper arms that he usually kept hidden from view.

Suddenly it became even more stifling in the large crowded space, as she couldn't tear her eyes away from the designs that drew her attention to his muscular biceps. It took her a second to realize he was holding his shirt out to her. There was an arrogant smirk on his face as she took it from him.

She pulled off her own shirt quickly and rolled it into a ball, chucking it onto her seat.

This time it was he that was left staring, the cocky expression falling from his face.

She wore a white spaghetti strap camisole, the light fabric casting some rather interesting shadows in some interesting places.

She tried not to notice his eyes on her even as her cheeks heated a little, and she put his shirt on quickly, the smell of his cologne enveloping her. Her arms went back into the arm holes, and she did something only girls seemed able to, he watching on in confused amusement. Her arms came back out of the short sleeves and she pulled the top over her head, leaving him bemused and slightly impressed, until the thought came to him that she now wore nothing underneath his shirt.

Tommy swallowed convulsively and had to tear his gaze away from where his mind had already started to hone in on. It was hours away before she was even seventeen, he reminded himself forcefully. But staring at her now he couldn't find it in himself to care about her age, and her boyfriend was barely a distant memory here in this place.

Their eyes slid away from each other, focusing back on the loud music coming from the stage, but awareness pulsed between them, impossible to ignore. The music did its magic though and drew them back to safer ground.

* * *

She started to laugh, cutting Tommy's singing off.

"What? You know girls used to swoon when I sang, not cackle." He turned his head to grin at her before sliding his eyes back to the road.

She put her hand to her mouth in embarrassment. "I do not cackle!" She smacked his arm. "And by the way, it's not 'waiting wars to shake the pall and the beat.' What does that even mean?" she referred to how he had just interpreted the lyrics they had just been singing together for Kings of Leon's, Use Somebody.

"Then what is it?"

She looked over at him and shrugged sheepishly making him snicker.

"I think it's something about 'the poet and the beat'?" she added, trying to redeem her own ignorance. It wasn't exactly like Caleb Followill enunciated his words. "I can't believe it took them four albums to get their sound right." To her that seemed like a lifetime.

"Some musicians never get it right."

"Is it really that hard?"

"Maybe not for you," he said offhandedly.

She warmed, wondering if that was a compliment coming from a man she respected as a producer. He was definitely getting a good sound out of Cipher Saints, something she hadn't quite expected, not knowing he was into hard rock.

Tommy hit the play button and the CD started to play where it had left off, both of their voices joining in again with the music. More hilarity ensued as they mangled the lyrics.

He pulled up to the curb of her house since she told him her parents would be out.

Their laughter faded away and he glanced briefly at the dashboard clock. "It's 12:05, officially your birthday. So what're you going to wish for?"

She shrugged. "I don't know-so far it's been pretty perfect," she admitted without conscious thought, his eyes holding hers captive.

"I'm glad," he said sincerely. He leaned into her, so close that his warm breath fanned her cheek.

Jude could smell the faintest hint of his cologne wafting off his skin, even though she had grown used to it on the shirt she wore. She should have closed her eyes, but she did not, afraid that if she did, this moment would disappear, no more substantial than a dream. However, she was equally afraid that this was real, afraid to believe in her own feelings. Would he cross that final distance? And would she even remember to stop him if he did?

A loud thump sounded from nearby, shattering the spell that had been cast over them.

Jude looked out the window to see the dark form of Jamie Andrews, closing the lid to his garbage can on the sidewalk, and she could feel the glare directed their way, even in the dimly illuminated night.

Tommy sat back in his seat reluctantly even though it was probably a good thing that they had been interrupted. "You should probably go." His voice was raspy, as if his breathing was slightly unsettled.

"Yeah…" She caught his gaze again before looking away shyly, her hand on the door handle.

"Good night Jude." His smile was faint, but genuine.

"Good night Tommy."

Jude couldn't stop smiling as she walked away, and she turned to see him waiting patiently for her to get into her house.

* * *

Jude walked into the kitchen, her eyes downcast as she scrolled through the songs on her iPod. She almost jumped when she heard her name being calling from across the counter. She looked up quickly to see her dad giving her a look of amusement as he sipped his morning coffee. "Hey Dad." Jude skirted by him, leaving a good deal of space between them as she reached for a mug from the cabinet to pour herself some coffee also.

"Hey Kiddo, since when did you start drinking coffee?" he asked mildly.

She had to hide the flinch at the endearment. At one time it might have meant something, but now sounded patently false to her ears. Jude opened the fridge to get some half and half before answering him. "I don't know-couple years I guess." When she was done making her drink, she retreated to the kitchen table.

He studied her smooth face, trying to coincide this picture with the little girl she had just been, and the blonde hair that she had returned to after years as a redhead.

"Your hair looks good your natural color. I had almost forgotten," he mused.

"Uh thanks…" she said even as she could the weight of the uncomfortable silence they were prone to these days. She touched her golden locks reflexively, having not recognized herself in the mirror this morning.

"Oh I almost forgot," he said with forced joviality. He pulled his wallet out and handed her two folded bills.

Jude stared down at the two fifties, struck dumb.

"Happy birthday."

"Uh thanks Dad." She really hadn't expected Stuart to remember and found that particularly sad about her life. Not that Jude ever let herself feel sorry for her situation. She, at least, was still alive to pursue her dreams.

"From me and your mother of course." He did not need to mention that Victoria had been too busy to greet her daughter this morning.

"Tell mom thanks too." She said it because it was expected, not because she meant it. Victoria rarely had anything to do with Jude these days, preferring to fill her life with meaningless hobbies, to get away from the house.

Stuart cleared his throat and stared at his watch. "I need to get going. Do you have plans with your friends tonight?"

Jude nodded, knowing better than to bring up Chris. "They're taking me out for pizza." Which was partially true; her friends were taking her out after school, before she went to Chris's later that night.

The relief was evident on his face, even though Jude gave him credit for trying to hide it.

* * *

"Remember I need you guys out of the house by seven," J.C. reminded his band as they all went about packing up their gear.

The door between the sound booth and soundboard room was open and Tommy could hear them as he stared at the laptop in front of him.

"What's the big deal man?" Bodie said. He was pretty much healed these days and Jude was no longer needed to fill in anymore, so he was there as much as the other members.

Justin nudged Trey and grinned. "He's finally going to seal the deal."

"Hey back off. It's Jude's birthday," J.C. replied, the happiness evident in his voice. "I'm making her dinner- that's it."

Tommy didn't hear all of Bodie's not so complimentary reply, something having clenched tight, in his gut. She had invaded his thoughts more than once that day, and he had let himself forget she was with J.C. Not that, that should have mattered. She was just a girl, just a talented kid.

* * *

Jude took a deep breath, staring at the white painted wooden door, knowing there was really nothing of interest on it, but stalling nonetheless. She had just come over from Wally's house, not able to enjoy the time with her friends fully, because she had been thinking of tonight. She and her friends had made a promise a couple of years ago, to always make time for one another, even if they were dating other people, after a bad incident involving Kyle and his first real girlfriend. He had started to blow them off for the demanding girl and it had almost destroyed their friendships. So Jude had made sure she was with them first, before she saw Chris.

Something about this night had weight to it, maybe in the way Chris had asked her over to celebrate her birthday. They would have the house to themselves, for at least a good portion of the night, just the two of them-alone. Finally, she knocked.

He did not make her wait long, opening the door barely ten seconds later. "Well look at you," he smiled at her in appreciation, taking in the long fall of golden hair and slight smile on her glossy lips. "Happy birthday." His mouth met hers in an unhurried kiss, showing her how much he had been thinking of her.

He pulled back and laced her fingers with his, pulling her into the house. "Come on. I'm just finishing up dinner. You hungry?"

She nodded wordlessly, letting him tug her towards the kitchen. Jude leaned against the far counter, out of the way as she watched him pour spaghetti into a strainer. He grabbed something from a drawer and a bottle of wine from the counter, soon handing her a half full glass of some kind of red wine she couldn't hope to identify, knowing less than nothing about the stuff, except that her mother occasionally drank chardonnay. She took a sip and rolled it across her tongue, deciding it wasn't too bad, before taking another sip. Maybe it would relax her from this nervous tension, making her muscles feel hard as bricks. "Can I help?" she asked, as he pulled a loaf of bread from the oven.

It smelled like herbs and garlic, making her stomach give an embarrassing growl.

He grinned at her, that dimple of his making her heart flutter and shook his head. "Sit." Chris nodded his head towards the kitchen table, that had already been set.

She did as he said and watched him moving around the large kitchen, somewhat surprised that a house full of guys would actually have a full selection of kitchen stuff.

"So how was the concert last night?" he asked, as he stirred the large pot simmering on the stove.

"It was amazing. You should have been," she said animatedly.

Chris turned to look at her. "Hey look, about that. I'm sorry I didn't want to go-but I'm a bear when I don't like the music. I didn't want to ruin it for you."

"It's okay. I had a good time."

"Did Quincy behave himself?" he asked jokingly, turning back to the stove again.

"Uh yeah, he was pretty decent." The cheerful nonchalance in her voice sounded forced to her own ears. She remembered his shirt, lying on her bed. "It smells really good," she said almost desperately, to get her mind away from Tommy.

Within a few minutes he had them both settled at the table and bowls heaped with pasta.

"I didn't know," Jude grinned at him and took a sip of the red wine he had bought for tonight. It was sweet on her tongue and she had gotten used to the alcoholic taste pretty quickly.

They sat side by side at the kitchen table, where he had lit two tapered candles in small jelly glasses and had even found a table cloth. Dinner hadn't been anything fancy, spaghetti and homemade meatballs with herb bread, but Jude had never been into anything too complicated.

Chris's index finger traced swirls on the back of her hand, which she had placed on the table. "Know what?"

"That you could cook."

"You know my mom. She made sure we could all cook a couple things, so we wouldn't starve."

Jude laughed. "Your mom is amazing."

He nodded his agreement. "So do you want some ice cream for dessert?" His green eyes intent on hers.

Jude groaned and shook her head, her hand going to her full stomach. "Maybe later."

Chris got up, grabbed his wine glass and the wine bottle before holding his other hand out for her.

She took her glass and got up, taking his larger hand, letting him lead her into the living room. They settled into the couch, she in his arms, snuggling close.

He used his fingers to brush the hair away from her neck, nuzzling gently, as she closed her eyes.

Jude felt languid and replete after dinner and the wine she had drunk. Her earlier tension was now a faint memory. This was Chris, the guy she had know practically forever, had lusted after for years and her boyfriend. She trusted him and she liked it when he touched her.

His mouth was hot against her throat, and she half turned her body to meet his lips. Her mouth parted, allowing his tongue access as her hands moved restlessly across his chest. Her fingers found the hem of his t-shirt and moved lower to find the exposed skin of his stomach. She felt the tightening of his muscles under her touch.

His kiss grew more insistent, his hands sliding down her hips to cup her ass. He shifted her so that she lay more fully against him.

Jude could feel the hard bulge pressing against her stomach, but the slide of his hand under her shirt distracted her just as quickly.

He pulled his lips away from hers and her eyes snapped open to stare into his. "I've wanted you since I saw you again," he admitted even as he took her lower lip between his teeth, tugging gently.

"I've wanted you since I was twelve," she admitted back, and then her hand flew to her mouth, unbelieving that she had said that out loud.

He chuckled at her expression, like a doe caught in headlights, before giving her another kiss. "Want to go upstairs?"

She nodded, but made no attempt to move off of him.

"Baby as much as I like this position, my band mates are going to wander in sometime tonight."

She blushed and scrambled onto the wooden floor. He stood up, reaching for the bottle of wine before putting an arm around her waist, leading them towards the stairs.

Chris locked his bedroom door behind them and stared down at her.

Jude didn't know where she found the courage, but she fisted his shirt in her hand and pulled him in, pressing her lips against his.

They moved towards his queen sized bed, hands caressing bare skin, their mouths fused together.

The back of Jude's knees bumped against the mattress and she fell heavily onto the rumpled sheets of the unmade bed.

Chris pulled his shirt over his head, revealing a lean, muscular chest that had her eyes riveted as he quickly joined her.

In between kisses, he helped her remove her own shirt, leaving her in a tiny black lace bra. He looked down appreciatively, taking in the delicate curves and smooth pale skin.

Her legs curled around his, cradling him against her body.

His tongue licked low on her neck, his hands spanning her bare waist. He began to suck on the delicious flesh, causing a ripple of awareness through her body. Chris's hands moved up her abdomen, fingertips grazing the bottom edges of her sexy bra.

Suddenly, her head lifted and she stared at him, breathing uneven, pupils dilated as she caught his gaze. "Chris…" His name came out in a whisper.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

He was lost in the scent of her, the heat of her body against his. His lips caressed her neck as his hands slowly explored the lace of her bra.

"Chris," she said more urgently, finally getting him to look up. She was stiff, as if believing if she didn't move, then this was not really happening. Her body ached where he touched, but her head and heart were in turmoil.

Her hands covered his, to get him to pause his touch. His chest rose and fell heavily as he forced himself to stop.

"I can't…" she whispered breathlessly, her eyes full of confusion. "I…"

His hands dropped away and he leaned away from her tempting body, moving to sit on the edge of the bed.

"Chris are you…" She put her palm against his back, feeling the tautness of his muscles.

"Hold on." He held up his hand and lowered his head, trying to bring himself under control. He tried to calm his breathing, inhaling deeply and exhaling slowly. He had not lied when he said he wanted her. "I'll be right back." He was out of the room in a shot, headed for the bathroom, even as she stared at the once again closed door.

She reached over the bed and grabbed the scrap of her shirt, holding it in front of her semi-naked state.

Her eyes fixed on the wooden door for what seemed like an interminable amount of time, but it could not have been more than a minute or two. She bit her lower lip and watched as if it would magically open, apprehension, fraying her nerves. Was he angry? Did he think she had led him on? He wouldn't…would he? Chris knew her! She had wanted this, she had. She had been committed to being with him tonight and it had started off great. Why had she stopped him?

Jude closed her eyes and shook her tumbled hair around. Another second ticked by and she managed to pull her shirt away from her chest long enough to put it on. She grabbed the wine bottle off his nightstand and took a long swallow, then another, coughing slightly as it slid down the wrong way. Jude stood up and slipped her shoes on, and paused, listening for any sound that he was returning.

The night had turned dank and wet almost as if by magic, not that it was all that strange in Canada, but the clouds that had not been there when she had entered the house were now covering the night sky in a miserable gray blanket as rain drizzled down. She let herself out even as his hand touched the door knob of his own bedroom door.

Jude didn't know where she was going, had not consciously picked a direction, but she continued to move anyway, even as the night grew danker.

* * *

He had been doing everything he could to keep her from his mind tonight. There had been an intense workout in the apartment building's gym, then music loud enough until his ears nearly bled and finally he had given in to the false comfort of drink.

He didn't want to think about what she was doing with JC, probably right this minute. _Or were they already done_? He thought acerbically. He had always sensed her innocence, even with those secrets hiding behind her big eyes. Even that about her, appealed to him in some twisted way.

He barely registered the knock on his door, until it sounded again. He got up from his inelegant sprawl on the living room chair, dropping his scotch glass on the coffee table. Tommy swung the door open, not even bothering to wonder who would be disturbing him this late.

He stared at her as if she were a mirage, she having been the thing filling his thoughts tonight, driving him to drink for distraction. "Are you crazy Harrison? You're going to catch pneumonia." Water dripped from her hair, onto the carpeted hallway, her simple clothes clung to her slender frame, and he could not see a single dry spot. His eyes wandered to her pale features, her lips turning an alarming shade of grey/blue.

"Didn't know you cared Quincy." Her chattering teeth, made her attempt at sarcasm laughable.

He backed up and held the door wider. "Come on," he sighed, making it sound like her presence was a burden, when in reality his senses had heightened at merely seeing her colorless face.

She brushed past him and entered, standing awkwardly before him. She had walked for what seemed like forever, when it had started to rain more heavily, but it had not cleared her head one bit.

"Why don't you go dry off. I'll throw your clothes in the dryer. Bathroom's second door on your left," he finally said, trying for the right combo of indifference and impersonal concern. He indicated down the hallway with a nod of his head.

"Thanks," she murmured softly, as if the night had taken the life out of her and walked in the direction of the bathroom.

Jude peeled off her sodden clothes quickly, stripping down to her panties before even bothering to glance around the spacious bathroom. She looked everywhere but the mirror, unable to confront herself and her reasons for being here. She took the black terry cloth bathrobe that hung on the back of the door and put it on. The dark fabric engulfed her, even as the scent of his soap teased her. She belted it tightly around her waist and risked a brief glance at the glass, seeing a lost waif of a stranger, before looking away again.

His hand had gone up to knock at the same time she swung the door open, startling both of them. He glanced down at her, momentarily knocked speechless, in a way only this girl seemed to be able make him do. The dark color of his robe accentuated her pale creamy skin, a bit of color having come back to her cheeks now that she was out of the wet and cold. "I'll take those," he said of the bundle she held in her arms. "Do you need some sweats?" he asked even though he doubted any of his clothes would fit her petite frame.

Jude shook her head, her eyes downcast. She prayed her bra did not slip out from between her wadded shirt as she handed her pile to him. "Uh I'm gonna borrow your hairbrush." She retreated back into the bathroom as he turned to throw her clothes in the dryer.

He did not seek her out, even though she took more than a few minutes to complete her simple task. She was the one who wandered, barefoot, completely out of her depth, through the dimly lit apartment. She found him the kitchen at his stove, stirring a small saucepan of something.

Tommy turned and looked at her in that piercing way of his, before going back to whatever he was making.

Jude boosted herself onto the mostly bare countertop across from him. She noted the ultra-expensive looking chrome coffeemaker and a funky black lacquered tray that held his wallet, keys and loose change, that shared her counter space. Her eyes roamed his back, from the broad shoulders, down to jeans worn in all the right places, to his own bare feet. "What are you making?" she finally asked.

He gave her a ghost of a grin as he opened a cabinet and reached for some mugs. "Hot chocolate, my Ma Mere's recipe." He poured the steaming liquid into the cups and poured a little vanilla extract into each.

"You're French?" she asked, that tiny bit of personal information shaking her from her slightly buzzed state.

His grin hit her low in her belly. "You actually think Quincy is my real name?"

He turned around with a mug in each hand and gave her one. He leaned against the counter next to the stove and took in the tumbled long blond hair, and the glimpses of surprisingly shapely calf that she flashed him as she swung her legs, parting the folds of his robe. Something primal inside him liked the fact that she was wearing something of his once again. Of course he wondered what had happened with her and JC tonight, but he would not be the one to bring him up.

She gave a small sound of appreciation as she took a sip of the hot liquid. It was rich and creamy and slightly dark, bittersweet and complex. "That's good." She felt the warmth easing it's way into her belly, and found it amusing that it was almost an echo of the way this man sometimes made her feel.

He drank from his own cup and stared at her, wondering how she could be here sitting in his kitchen. "What are you doing here Jude?" he asked with more gentleness than he realized himself capable of.

There were many answers she could have given. The most honest one being that his face was the one she had flashed on, even as she had been with her boyfriend, or maybe that she couldn't forget last night and how she had felt with him. But even though she had been drinking tonight, she still knew of course, she couldn't say that, and knew him well enough to know he wouldn't want to hear it. "I don't know." She looked down into the bubbly liquid, biting her lip. "Can I ask you something?"

"Yeah sure."

"Last night-did you want to kiss me?"

"You have no idea what I wanted from you," he said harshly, getting a surprised flash from her deep blue eyes as she looked up into his stormy pale ones..

The question went unasked, but hung there, tangible in the air between them as their eyes remained locked. The only sound was the clunk of Jude's hot chocolate on the granite surface when she put it down shakily.

He wanted to make her want as much as he had been burning for her, not realizing her appearance was her acknowledgement of whom she wanted, that she was braver than he knew. He had lowered his mug and moved towards her without consciously realizing he was doing it, to lean against the counter beside her.

She was afraid to breathe, afraid he would realize how close he was, and find an excuse to move again. But he simply stared into her eyes, so her hands went up involuntarily and cradled his face, feeling the rough stubble against her callused fingers, waiting for him to pull away. But he did nothing, so she tugged him closer. Jude tilted her head and pressed her lips to his, dismayed that he was unresponsive, but something indefinable changed between them when she started to pull back for a breath. His mouth molded perfectly to hers, the contact becoming charged with that attraction that had always lain between them. Their tongues met teasingly, danced lightly before they both pulled back.

Tommy lowered his head and buried against her chest, pushing the robe wider revealing the slight swell of her breasts. He pressed a kiss to the valley between them before he lifted his head and placed his hands at the lapels, ready to pull them closed, until he saw the quarter sized, dark irregular circle marring her creamy skin. It was near her collar bone, low on her neck and could only have been accessed if she had been wearing a low cut shirt, or no shirt at all. His eyes could not look away, and something inside him twisted in that moment. He had had every intention of pulling back, letting her go, but now he had lost the will to do the right thing with that mark taunting him.

He shifted away from the counter and took a step forward between her legs, trapping her there. He reached out again, his finger following the exposed curve peeping out from between the robe, causing her breath to come out erratically, her flesh feeling heavy and liquid and impossibly sensitive. "Did you let him touch you here?" His fingers moved closer to the small globe, caressing light as a feather. His hand did not linger, but slid in a caress down her abdomen, the belt finally loosening completely, leaving the robe gaping open, revealing much of her mostly naked body.

She could feel the heat of his gaze as they both stared down that length of her skin.

"Did you wear these for him?" he asked a little savagely, a strange burning sensation in his gut, his fingers itching to touch the roughness of the black lace nothing she wore.

"I…guess," she said in confusion, not quite remembering who he was talking about, her mind fuddled by the dance of his fingers across the bare skin of her belly. Was it normal to feel this attuned to another person?

He barely held himself in check, his lips moving down her neck instead, somehow foolishly thinking this was safer than the other places he wanted to touch, but then he found the rosy peak and he could not resist the need to taste. He took the tightened mound into his mouth and lathed with his tongue.

Jude arched back against the cabinets, giving him better access to her body, acquiescence in the lines of her liquid body. She had never felt like this before, let anyone touch her this way. Her fingers tightened against his shoulders as he sucked on her aching flesh, before pulling away to pay equal attention to the other plump breast.

His hand slid along her bare stomach and then lower, into the waistband of her panties. Within the limiting confines, his middle finger managed to delve between her lower lips, finding that spot, that sent a sharp shiver through her body. Jude gasped in surprised and then held back a moan as he slid back and forth along the swollen flesh. He kept up the ministration to her pink tips even as his hand worked between her legs. His finger rubbed in slow circles, picking up the pace as her she responded by rocking her hips upwards. His finger followed the path of her heat and delved lightly into her opening, before once again moving back to stroke and circle.

Jude felt building, almost unbearable pressure, with every pass of his callused finger against her swollen nub. Her thighs trapped his wrist reflexively as she felt the pleasure overwhelm her, his finger almost too much contact on her sensitized skin.

He lifted his head from her chest and his lips bore down on hers, as his other hand held her head in place. The hand in her panties slipped out to span her back, holding her tightly against him.

Her hands went to the hem of his shirt, tugging upward ineffectually until he managed to extricate himself from her enticing lips long enough to pull it off and toss it behind him.

She barely got a chance to look at his muscular chest before he found her lips again, bruising in his intensity. Jude didn't have a thought of complaining though, because she had never in all of her seventeen years felt this alive.

His hands stroked the soft skin of her hips before he looped his fingers under the strings of her barely there panties, pulling them down her slender calves. His hand reached out to his side and scrambled blindly for something on the counter, knocking the tray off the slick surface. He managed to open the wallet he had snagged and pulled the familiar light weight of the foil packet out. Then he moved his body closer, his mouth against her cheek. "Wrap your legs around me," he commanded.

She obeyed without question, wrapping her limbs high on his waist and he placed one hand under her ass and one under her thigh, taking her weight. Their mouths once again melded together.

She felt the tautness of his forearms, as he lifted her off the counter and they moved a scant few feet before he leaned over, lowering her onto the kitchen table.

Tommy pulled back and she finally got a good look at his body, defined lines and tattoos on his upper arms.

Her cheeks heated when his hands went to the button of his jeans. She glanced away and untangled her arms from the sleeves of the robe, which now acted as a cushion against the solid wood of the table. It wasn't too late to back out. She knew instinctually that he would let her go, but her limbs felt leaden and her will weak. Jude looked up again to see him rolling a condom onto his hardness. She swallowed hard, as cliché as it was, not knowing how they could possibly fit together.

And then he was above her once more, his hands braced on either side of her head. Tommy's mouth found hers, and whatever thoughts that had been in her head scattered away the moment his naked flesh leaned into hers.

It was strange and exciting and exhilarating and hot, to feel his skin touching hers everywhere. Jude felt hardness nudging at her entrance and then she felt his finger, sliding into her slick heat. She made a small noise when a second finger entered her, her unused muscles stretching to accommodate the intrusion. She was unaccustomed to the sensation and if she were honest, it was slightly uncomfortable, but when his thumb brushed against her swollen bundle of nerves, the discomfort was forgotten. That now familiar feeling, inundated her again, rippling through her body and his hand fell away. Now she felt something bigger pushing insistently at the opening of her body.

He pressed into her, flesh slightly unyielding, but slowly stretching to accommodate his width.

Jude's breath caught, as he entered her body, had never anticipated how this would feel.

He had never been overly interested in staring into a woman's eyes to read what was behind them, but he did so with Jude and what he took to be pain in their depths made him pause. "Do you want me to stop?" He never knew where he found the strength to offer, feeling ready to explode simply from being encased within her tight heat.

"No," she said breathily, "just give me…"

Whatever she had been about to say was suddenly lost as his mouth closed down on hers. And he pushed past the barrier of her last innocence, burying deep within her warmth.

Jude instinctually tried to get free of the discomfort, but his weight held her in place.

"Don't move," he said against her mouth, through gritted teeth. Disbelief crossed his mind, that he was so close, simply because he was in her.

She looked at him with those big eyes, innocence and uncertainty reflected in their deep blue depths. She didn't yet understand, actually thought for a fleeting moment that he didn't really want this, even with him buried within her. It didn't feel like she thought it would, not that she had an inkling of what to expect. She had never gone remotely this far.

His lips met hers again, brushing softly this time, his fingers tracing against her neck and she leaned her cheek against the caress. This time when his lower body began to move, she felt more than just the initial strangeness. Tendrils of pleasure licked at her dampened flesh and her arms tightened around his neck, fingers digging into his hard back.

As his strokes increase, so did the searing heat he created inside her body. "Tommy?" She looked into his eyes, bewildered by the depth of her emotions and the feeling radiating through her body. He pushed in deep, on every stroke, causing an hereto unknown pressure to build. Jude cried out as she convulsed around him, gripping his back harder than she realized.

His eyes closed, his breathing labored, as he felt the familiar tightening, her squeezing muscles soon sending him over. His body covered hers, his weight digging her tailbone into the unyielding table that even the thick robe could not cushion completely. He withdrew from her, and lifted his head to gaze into her eyes. The icy blue depths looked confused, as if he wondered how he had wound up here. He blinked and the look was gone, his gaze now penetrating instead as he studied her flushed face. Tommy stood up, removing the condom expertly, walking away from her to dispose of it.

Jude started to sit up, trembling without realizing it, as she was left alone. She wrapped her arms around herself, suddenly uncomfortable with her nakedness.

He stood before her again, before she had a chance to hop off the table. Tommy held out his hand and she took it unquestioningly. His fingers curled around her slim ones, and he tugged her towards the hallway.

"Where are we going?"

"You should see my bedroom I think," he said it slightly ironically.

Jude stopped suddenly and he turned to stare at her.

"Maybe I should just go…"

He raised his free hand and cradled the back of her head, pulling her forward until his mouth lowered to hers.

It was that easy for her to forget her misgivings as their lips molded together, their naked bodies pressing close. They shuffled into his bedroom, unable to disentangle long enough to walk properly.

* * *

Jude woke with a start, glancing at the alarm clock that now read 3:27 a.m. and as her mind started to focus she wondered how she could possibly have fallen asleep. She had been so anxious and freaked out earlier that it seemed unfathomable that she could have relaxed enough to drift off-especially next to him. The unfamiliar surroundings paralyzed her for a moment as her eyes darted around the dark, shadowed room that was much bigger than her own and then her gaze fell onto him beside her. His face was averted and she saw the night's growth of stubble shading his face, and the way his hair was tousled as if he had had a restless night.

Heat rose to her cheeks as vivid images of them entwined, her fingers running through that dark, thick mass of perfect hair as she moved above him, came back to her. What had she done? She had a boyfriend and she had not forgotten Chris, not really. She had chosen, because it _had _been a conscious choice to come here to Tommy's apartment, she had chosen to ignore that part of her life.

"What are you doing?" Tommy murmured sleepily, from the other side of the bed, when she sat up.

"I gotta go," she explained as she swung her legs over the side. She looked around, slightly frantic since there was no loose clothing she could grab, in sight. Her clothes were still in the dryer, except her panties…which were probably on the kitchen floor, along with his own clothes.

She barely noticed that he had gotten up too, until a t-shirt fell into her lap. She looked up to find he had slipped on a pair of shorts and she was thankful, even though his naked chest still made her breath catch.

"I'll drive you," he said implacably as he turned back to his dresser to get himself a shirt.

* * *

Jude entered the house, careful to be as quiet as possible as she walked through the hallway. She didn't think she would be able to go back to bed, but all she wanted to do was curl up and forget about everything. It might have been false comfort, but it was what she desperately yearned for in that moment.

Tommy had sounded so reasonable as he drove her home, had told her she couldn't tell Chris what they had done. He had told her that it would destroy all the momentum they had gained on the album and that it might make the already shaky relations of the band implode. She had found herself agreeing, at least enough to warn Tommy first if she did say anything to Chris. But she had known he was right about the album. Chris had said without her around, he might never have gotten the inspiration he needed for a solid debut. Tommy had been so persuasive. But she wasn't a liar, and she had cheated on her boyfriend. How could she keep that to herself? He deserved to know, didn't he? And the last promise Tommy had extracted from her, was a slow building ache inside. She had promised she wouldn't break up with Chris over what had happened.

Tommy had probably wanted to say more to her, but she had started to shut him out, in too much turmoil to listen to anything else he could throw at her. She had felt his eyes burning into her back when she walked down the street towards her house.

* * *

Jude waited as long as she could, but at 7:30, she couldn't wait any longer. If she had any female friends at school, she would have turned to them, but all of her friends were guys and she couldn't imagine asking for their advice for something like this.

"Sadie?" The voice was plaintive and unsure, and Sadie didn't immediately recognize it when she answered her phone. Sadie was an early rising, so the ringing hadn't woken her, but still it was pretty early for someone to call.

"Yeah. Who…"

"It's Jude."

Sadie felt a momentary twinge of guilt at not recognizing her own sister's voice, not that it was particularly strange. They barely spoke and she couldn't even remember the last time they had been on the phone. "It's been a while," she said slowly, somehow sensing she could scare Jude away so easily. This lack in their relationship was mostly her fault and now that she was older she could see how selfish she had been, especially when her little sister had had no one. Sadie had taken their parents side and blamed Jude for the accident. She had been too self-absorbed back then to realize how much her little sister had been hurting, and probably would not have cared even if she had seen it.

"Yeah…How's school?" Jude injected a lighter tone into her voice, even though it felt awkward to talk to Sadie. But she had no girlfriends to turn to and Sadie _was _her sister. Once upon a time, when they had been much younger, Sadie had been the one she turned to when things didn't go right.

"Pretty good. How about you?"

Jude gave a self-derisive laugh. "You know me." She had never been the best student, only scraping by on grades, more interested in music than anyone else or anything else.

"How're mom and dad?"

"I dunno, okay I guess. They aren't home much." Jude fell silent, not wanting to dwell on their parents.

"Oh…Jude are you okay? I mean not that it's not great that you called, but…is something wrong?"

There was real concern in her sister's voice, so Jude had the strength to go on. "Um I just-Can I ask you something Sades?"

Sadie sat back on her bed and felt regret, hearing her old nickname. They had lost each other on the way to growing up. She barely knew anything about Jude's life these days. "Yeah sure," she said softly, "what's up?"

"Did you ever-Did you ever want another guy when you had a boyfriend?"

Jude had a boyfriend? Sadie was a little surprised by the idea. With all the stuff that had happened, she had not seemed interested in boys much before. "Do you have a boyfriend? Or is this hypothetical?"

"You remember Jess's brother Chris?"

"Uh yeah I actually went to school with him," Sadie said in the same sarcastic way she had been conditioned to towards Jude and instantly felt guilty. "Sorry, yeah of course I remember Chris." He was a total hottie, even if he had not been her type and they had never hung with the same crowd.

"He got a record deal at G-Major Records and I ran into him."

Sadie's mind whirled as she drew her own conclusions from what her reticent sister had said. "So you're thinking about him instead of your boyfriend? I don't blame you, I bet Chris still looks good."

"No-Chris is my boyfriend."

"Oh…" Sadie sat back on her couch, speechless for a moment. She could not imagine Jude meeting another guy more attractive than Chris Allen. "It's okay to fantasize about other guys, Jude. It's normal."

"It's more than that," she said quietly.

_More? _"So did something happen with this other guy?" It was the only reason she could think of that Jude would be this upset, if she was merely crushing on someone else it wasn't that big of a deal. "Did you kiss him?" Sadie offered when she only heard silence on the other end of the line.

"Yeah I kissed him…" There had been no shortage of that either…

Sadie could feel more unspoken in her sister's reluctant admission. "More?" she asked tentatively.

"Um I need to get going-school…Thanks Sadie."

Sadie heard the dial tone. It wasn't until they had hung up that she realized what the date was. She had missed Jude's birthday.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

The friends she encountered at school today gave her searching looks as if wanting to ask her something, but Jude barely noticed their presence. In fact she almost ran over Wally on the way to English when he stopped suddenly, in front of her. She didn't even have the grace to apologize after stepping on his size twelve feet, just continued walking once he had wisely gotten out of her way.  
Jude walked into the girl's bathroom in the old south wing of the school, hoping that it would be unoccupied as usual. She did the under the stall check and straightened, breathing in a sigh of relief.  
For the first time that day, she looked into the slightly smudged mirror, at herself. Her eyes seemed bigger than usual, the normal eye liner she wore absent, making her look pale and unhealthy. Her lips, strangely enough were still a rosy pink. Were they swollen too? Could anyone tell that she had done it? Did she actually look different? Then she berated herself for thinking such stupid, inconsequential thoughts. It wasn't like she had an A branded on her forehead or something.  
The only physical proof anyone could possibly see and it was hardly likely anyone would, was hidden from sight. Jude's hand went to the collar of the overlarge Nirvana t-shirt she had stolen from Wally last year, and pulled it down to reveal the mark she had first glimpsed in a different bathroom mirror, more specifically in the one in Tommy's apartment. It did not look the same, having changed from a darkening red to a darker purplish blue; a startling contrast against her alabaster skin. But the biggest difference was the size of the hickey. Before it had been roughly the size of a quarter, now it was almost a half dollar.  
And she remembered vividly, exactly how that had happened. The other set of lips on her skin, in that kitchen she had really liked, Tommy putting his mouth over that same spot, not that she had thought much of it at the time, only feeling. Now though his action seemed to have intent, as if he had had a pressing need to overshadow Chris's claim on her, on her body.  
Jude shook her head, wondering how she could be so dramatic right then. Tommy was attracted to her and she- She had walked right into his home and he had taken the opportunity. It wasn't more than that. She was the one that owed Chris more than what she had done to him. She tore her eyes away from the mirror and released her hold on her shirt. One more class to get through, before the brief reprieve of lunch.

As they sat at their usual lunch table Spied kicked Kyle under the table and gave him a commanding look. Wally was too busy scarfing down his homemade lunch to notice much of anything.  
Jude didn't even glance up at their antics, her eyes downcast on the strawberry Pop Tart she had grabbed from home and was now crumbling into pieces. She didn't feel like she could swallow anything solid, only sipping at the water bottle she'd been holding like a lifeline. There was a mild headache from the wine last night, which she perversely thought she deserved. The pain only grew more intense when she thought of either of the two men in her life, not that Tommy was exactly part of her life…And then her thoughts dribbled to mush again.  
Kyle cleared his throat loudly to get her attention and she finally looked up. "How was your night Jude?" he asked uneasily, his eyes darting to Spied.  
"Uh it was good," she replied just as weakly, taking a sip of water in desperation to stop her thoughts from wandering back to Tommy or Chris.  
"Did you get any good presents?" Spied chimed in.  
"Uh my dad gave me some money…" she shrugged, her eyes going down to the crumbly sweet mess.  
"Nothing else?" Spied asked a little too intently, even though she barely noticed.  
"Chris made me dinner…It was good." At least until she flipped out on him and ran out of his house and wound up at Tommy's apartment and slept with him-on his kitchen table…Her head started to pound again.  
Wally finally looked up from his food, at her statement. "Wait didn't JC…" His words were cut off by Spied covering his mouth with his hand. "You shouldn't talk with your mouth full Wally," he said intensely, his eyes try to convey a warning, although he wasn't very good at it. He, at least had guessed the plan hadn't worked like JC had wanted. Was that why Jude was acting all weird this morning?  
Wally glared at him when Spied released him, all of Jude's friends noticing how little she acknowledged their strange antics.

Sadie's perfectly coiffed, cheerleader successors swiveled their necks to the left as they made their way out of Carson Hill High School's front doors. The lean guy with the dark hair, resting a hip against a very noticeable big truck was, in a word, delicious. Some of them had already guessed who he was he was waiting for and informed their friends that did not know. It was that girl Jude. Harrison, they thought her last name was. Who? Some would inevitably ask. The one with the guitar and the one who had entered Freshman year already with infamy attached to her name. That Jude. Wasn't she Sadie's cousin or something?  
She came out the doors with her friends in tow and they all spotted the owner of the big vehicle right away. She turned her head to say her goodbyes and Jude moved towards him, even though she felt like her feet were leaden. She didn't see Spied give Chris a questioning gesture with his arms raised at the elbows. Chris shrugged at him, before focusing back at the girl he had come to see.  
She stood in front of him, all the while feeling like she was headed to her doom. "Hey," she said barely above a whisper, her eyes moved to his before darting away to look over his shoulder, anywhere but directly at him.  
"Let's take a ride," he suggested casually, straightening away from his truck.  
"I don't…know. I have a lot of homework." She knew she didn't sound convincing, but she was irrationally afraid he would find out what she had done somehow.  
Chris was so busy staring at her that he didn't notice the very flashy sports car, driving by them slowly, but Jude did and she knew who it was even if all she caught was a flash of reflection off of mirrored sunglasses from the driver's partially shadowed face.  
Should she be glad that neither of the two men had disregarded her? The one who she had refused to have sex with and run off on or the one she had given her virginity to, even though they were not in a relationship. She wasn't sure what parts of that were relevant, and her head starting to ache harder.  
"Come on," he said cajolingly.  
Jude nodded hesitantly and he gave her a warm look before opening the passenger door for her. She didn't ask where they were going, the question seeming inane.  
He slid smoothly into the slow stream of after school traffic. "I called you last night," he started with, making her wince in spite of her vow to not act weird around him.  
She had shut her phone off after taking off from his place and had yet to turn it back on today. "I know…" She whispered, barely over the talk on the radio. "I just couldn't…" Couldn't what? She had to ask herself. Couldn't stay? Couldn't sleep with him? Couldn't face him after….?

He pulled over and put the truck in park before turning his forest green eyes on her. She had no choice, but to stare back. "Why?" he asked steadily, holding her gaze with his intent one.  
"Why didn't I answer your calls?" she offered, still not ready to handle what needed to be said.  
"Jude," he said tiredly, "why did you take off like that?"  
She finally tore her gaze away and stared out the passenger side window. "I don't know…"  
"Do you think that's all I wanted from you?" He elaborated when she didn't answer. "The sex?"  
Her startled eyes flashed back to him and she shook her head vehemently. "No! I never thought…" She slumped back in her seat. "No…," she breathed out on a wisp of air.  
"You know me Jude. I'm not some cliché asshole. You sleeping with me is not some condition for us to stay together-I can wait until you're ready."  
"I'm not that innocent," she choked out. God, was she quoting Britney Spears now?  
Chris shook his head and pried her hands away from her face, engulfing them in his own. "I know what went down with April was hard-But it didn't change who you really are."  
She bit her bottom lip and studied him for the first time. That wasn't what she had been referring to, but how could she tell him he was wrong? It had been a slight shock to her system to hear him say that name. He had never met her cousin April, having already gone off to school when her cousin had come to stay with her family. But of course his family would have told him everything. She had to wonder how much Jess had told him. How much of it did he really know?  
He gave her a slow smile. "I will wait as long as it takes-for you."  
Jude didn't have the words, guilt a burning acid in her belly, so she threw herself into his arms instead, hugging him close so that he couldn't look at her transparent face. Why couldn't she be happy with just him? He had gone out of his way to show her he was serious about their relationship.

"You're okay?"  
She nodded slightly, her hair sliding against his cheek. "Yeah."  
He held her just as tightly, but soon disentangled her slim arms from around his neck. "I never got a chance to give you your present."  
"But…I thought last night was supposed to…"  
He smirked at her and shook his head. "You thought me getting lucky was your birthday gift?"  
Jude blushed furiously in response. Although she was no longer a virgin, she still wasn't that far from innocent.  
He pulled back onto the street and was soon at his destination.  
"Chris I really can't stay today. I have a history project…" Jude said apprehensively as she stared at his familiar rented house. She really didn't think he would pressure her, but something in her still rebelled against being tempted by being alone with him again so soon. Because the truth was, she had never thought she could be one of those girls who could easily jump from one guy's bed to another.  
He got out and went around to her side to open the door for her, pulling her down and catching her as she stumbled. "Ten minutes I promise." His long fingers almost spanned her tiny waist, and he held her there, giving her a brief kiss before letting go to grab her hand.  
Instead of going towards the front of the house, Chris pulled her down the walkway at the side of the house that ran parallel to the dirt driveway.  
It was a car she could easily identify; just like her '67 Mustang if it had been roadworthy. "Who's car?" she asked softly, aching for the freedom her own set of wheels would bring. Even the color was perfect, a metallic grey blue with a nice glossy sheen.  
"You really don't recognize it," he said teasingly and she turned her head back to him with her mouth hanging open.  
"You did this-How-When-"  
"Slow down." He laughed at her bewildered, yet excited expression. "Your friends helped me keep you busy."  
She did recall every time she mentioned working on her car, one of the guys would drag her off somewhere. "This must of cost a fortune." There had been so much work left to do.  
He shrugged as he took her hand, and turned it palm facing up, dropping a set of keys into her grasp. "It wasn't that bad. You remember Sean Keats? He was a year ahead of me in school."  
She shook her head, as she drew slowly closer to the perfect car, her attention completely divided by what she saw and what he said.  
"Anyway he's working for his old man at his garage and he did most of the work for almost nothing. And you already had most of the parts you needed so…"  
Jude's hand slid along the surface, touching the smooth chrome before she stared back at him. "It's too much." She shook her head, still unable to take it in.  
"It's not perfect yet. The interior still needs to be reupholstered," he said apologetically, "but it does drive."  
Jude spun suddenly and wrapped her arms around him. She was completely overwhelmed by his gesture and her feelings for him.  
He picked her up and spun her around, both of them laughing. When he finally set her down again she could only stare into his eyes, having forgotten for just a moment how beautiful their vivid green was. "You're awesome."  
He grinned at her. "I know."  
"I still can't believe you did this though." Both of them turned their bodies to stare at the Mustang.  
"I love you."  
Jude's head whipped back to stare at him.  
He merely stared back, nonplussed. "Come on, let's take her out." He pulled apart from her and started towards the passenger's side.  
Jude followed a step after going in the opposite direction towards the driver's side. She opened the door with her keys and they both got in. "Why are cars always referred to as female?" she asked as she started the engine and listened in satisfaction to the blatant growl that was its response.

Jude came home from school the following day, the smile still refusing to die from her lips. She had dropped all her friends off at their respective houses after attacking them at school for their parts in keeping her birthday present from her. Chris had asked her to go to the studio, but she used the same excuse of a history project. She wasn't ready yet to go back there and see him.  
She frowned in confusion at the lime green VW Bug parked in her spot in the driveway. It was Sadie's car, but her sister never came home during the school year and even on vacations she rarely came back.  
"Hello?" Jude called tentatively as she peeked her head in the door.  
"Hey little sis." She had come in from the living room, looking as good as she ever had. Time had accentuated her killer cheek bones and her makeup as always, was flawless. She wore a short skirt and heels that accentuated her long shapely legs and a short tight shirt that did nothing to hide her ample chest, but to Jude she was simply Sadie; the perfect sister she had never been able to measure up to.  
"What are you doing home?" Jude asked as she dropped her bag onto the hallway bench.  
Sadie looked away as if nervous, but Jude soon wrote that off to her imagination playing overtime. "I uh forgot to tell you happy birthday," Sadie's eyes brightened and she held up her index finger. "Wait in the living room. I have something for you."  
Jude settled herself on the couch, wondering what was going on and if she had entered some alternate universe.  
Sadie came back in a few minutes, a chocolate cupcake with a lit pink candle in its center in one hand and a small gift bag in the other. She handed Jude the plate and placed the bag on the floor next to her, taking the other side of the couch, perching on its edge.  
"Thanks…" Jude blew out the candle and put the cupcake on the coffee table.  
"Did Mom and Dad get you a cake?" Sadie asked tentatively, sighing inwardly when Jude shook her head.  
Jude picked up the bag and moved the tissue paper to look inside.  
"It's just some bath oil, bubble bath and lotion. That's one thing I miss in the dorms-baths," Sadie explained awkwardly. "It's probably not your thing huh?" They had stopped getting each other somewhere along the way, even before the rift that had torn the family in two and Sadie really didn't know Jude anymore, even whether if she was still into her music.  
Jude couldn't hide the flash of surprise in her eyes as she looked up into blue eyes that were similar to her own. "No-It's great Sades-Really." She gave her sister a small smile before placing the bag back on the floor.  
"How's Chris?" Sadie asked, knowing it was her turn to reach out to Jude, if she ever wanted any semblance of a relationship with her again. When it came down to it, they were family, sisters and maybe that was more important than she had ever given it credence to.  
Jude gave one of those typical secretive lovesick smiles, that girls were known for. "He's…really good."  
Sadie studied her sister's face and she did seem happy, but she also knew something serious had to have happened for Jude to have picked up that phone and reached out to her. "What about that other guy?" She had to admit she was crazily curious about who could intrigue Jude more than Chris.  
Immediately Jude's expression changed and her light skin seemed to grow even paler. "Chris is my boyfriend," she stated a tad too forcefully to be truly convincing.  
"Okay…But something happened with this other guy, didn't it?"  
Jude had never been good at hiding her feelings, which translated to the fact that she couldn't lie well if her life depended on it. "I told you, we kissed. It happened and now it's over."  
"So you're over him and you're okay?" Sadie asked doubtfully.  
Jude shrugged and drew her knees up to her chest. "Honestly, I don't know."  
Sadie could tell Jude was not ready to talk about it so instead asked her the specifics on how she had wound up with Chris. This Jude easily divulged, with no hint of the guilt that had plagued her for the last two days. Meeting Chris again had changed her and opened her back up to making music. It felt good to feel like someone finally had her back, as long as he never found out what she had done.  
At one point Sadie pulled out a dark pink nail polish from Jude's gift bag, but Jude shook her head when she offered to paint her nails. Guitar strings and nail polish did not go together. So Sadie started to used the color on herself as they continued to talk about the things that had been happening in their lives.

There was a knock at the door and both sisters turned their heads towards the front of the house, from their positions on the couch.  
"I'll get it," Jude offered, popping up off the couch, Sadie's nail polish still not set.  
Jude opened it unsuspectingly, having never expected him to come to her house.  
He had one arm leaning against the doorframe, and his sunglasses in his other hand. "Hey," he said in a low voice.  
"Hey," she responded just as softly. "Now's really not a good time Tommy," she said it gently, in a low voice, suddenly feeling entirely too awkward as if it was the first day of school and she had been the new girl. Her heart had started to race the second she had seen him.  
"Oh. Your parents…"  
She shook her head. "My sister came home for a visit."  
If it had been before, he would have asked why, she having told him they hadn't been close. But now there were more important things on his mind. "We need to talk Jude." He looked at her covertly, wondering once again why this girl had such a hold on him already. He didn't particularly care for the feeling.  
"I know."  
"Tomorrow after school. I'll come get you."  
She nodded again, her eyes unable to meet his. She closed the door as he started back to his car.

Jude rejoined Sadie in the living room and sat down next to her on the couch. What else could they say to each other? Jude wondered.  
"Who was that man?" And he was definitely a man and not one of Jude's high school friends. Sadie could simply tell from the way he carried himself, from the breadth of his shoulders, to his smooth walk.  
Jude's thoughts were broken by Sadie's question and strangely enough she was amused. "And you said you were a fan." She found a lighthearted smirk as she shook her head in mock disappointment. She wondered if maybe she was still in shock, her actions were too much for her to work through. She wasn't okay, so why didn't her guilt show?  
"What? I mean he looks like-" The stranger had the hair, that swagger and those lips…  
Jude eyed her sister until comprehension dawned.  
"No…" Sadie's pretty blue eyes widened.  
Jude nodded, surprised she could find amusement in the situation. "He's Chris's producer."  
"It was him!" Sadie said as it came to her. She hadn't been able to imagine someone Jude would know who could be hotter than Chris…but Tommy Q….Holy shit!  
Jude flinched at the high pitched tone of her sister's voice. "What was him?" she asked in dread.  
Sadie took a wild stab in the dark, that niggling feeing that Jude had still been holding something back, crystallized in the back of her brain. "The guy you keep thinking about-The guy you slept with?"  
"What? I never told you we…" Shit! Jude squeezed her eyes shut and rubbed her forehead.  
"You slept with Tommy Q?" Sadie practically screeched.  
"Shut up," Jude said loudly, holding her head in her hands.  
"Oh my god, you really did," Sadie said as if confirming it to herself.  
"I don't know how it happened," Jude admitted, her eyes now looking luminous and tortured. "He's not that guy, you know? The one who wants to be exclusive with anyone. He doesn't hang around." She had learned that much about him. Jude found herself being given an one armed hug by Sadie.  
"You're strong Jude. You've made it through worse than guy drama," Sadie reminded her.  
Jude let her head fall on to her sister's shoulder, both of them silent for the moment as they thought about Jude's love life.

Different day, same gawking by those elite high school girls who walked out the doors of Carson Hill High school. This time it was a man in sunglasses, parked across the street, leaning against a shiny blue sports car. He even looked familiar to a few of them and they wondered, only briefly, if he had once been a student here. It was soon evident he was older than they were by quite a few years, but he was maybe even more gorgeous than the man that had been here the other day. Sounds of disbelief, squeaked out of a few of those perfectly colored lips when that not so unfamiliar now, blonde girl met him at his car. Who was this girl, this Jude Harrison, that she had the attention of two such hot guys? What exactly was she doing for them? Some asked somewhat maliciously.  
He took off his sunglasses as she drew near. They watched as he touched her bare arm, and took her bag off her shoulder to toss into the car. A moment later they sped away from the school, without once noticing anyone around them.  
Except for the quiet 'hellos' they were silent on the ride. It was no surprise that he would take her here again. It seemed the only place, the right place for to be to have this kind of talk. He pulled up to the end of the pier, overlooking the water and the distant fishing boats.  
Jude got out of the Viper first, needing the air, needing to get away from his intoxicating presence. Why was she always so drawn to him?  
He joined her on the edge of the dock and stared out into the distance also. "You didn't say anything to JC did you?" he asked finally.  
"No…I said I wouldn't," she murmured, wondering how he could stand so close. "But-"  
"He doesn't need to know," Tommy said decisively.

"So what? We just pretend it never happened?" Jude asked skeptically as she turned her head to stare at him in accusation. Even now it felt like her body was aware of his. It was as if she could sense his breathing, which was totally crazy and stupid and neurotic.  
"There are two choices." Even Tommy could barely stand the arrogance he had put into his tone. But she was better off knowing, this-was the real him. Tommy Q only knew how to use women.  
"What?" she asked in disbelief. Choices?  
"You see both of us."  
She took a step back. "What?" she said again. She seemed to be using that word a lot, even though she usually never had a problem expressing herself. She practically shouted at him. "Do you think I can keep cheating on Chris? Are you crazy?" A slightly hysterical note had crept into her voice. Even now that guilt made her stomach clench and he thought she could…  
"Then walk away Jude," he said frustratingly calmly.  
That shut her up more effectively than anything else he could have said-maybe. She honestly didn't know if she could. "What happens if we forget about it?"  
"Then we stay away from each other." It sounded so false, so rehearsed to his own ears, he didn't know how she could not question his statement.  
"What about the lessons?"  
"I go back to Walt. He'll be back in a few days." Walt had called both of them to inform them of his return. He had told Jude a couple of weeks ago that Virginia was much better and able to get around now with the aid of a cane.  
"And us?"  
He had to remind himself she had little experience in these matters, not that he had really expected her to take his ultimatum seriously. It would have been easier if she had stormed off like he had wanted. Because this girl, if he admitted it to himself, was starting to make him feel things he had shut himself off from long ago. He didn't need to be reminded of the things he had lost and could possibly have with her again. "Do you really think we can be friends Jude?"  
She closed her eyes and shook her head, confusion tangling her thoughts. "I don't know," she whispered as she opened her eyes again. "We can try," she said plaintively. Even though she had warned herself to stay away from Tommy Quincy, this alternative had never crossed her mind.

"Sometimes you are so seventeen," he mocked.  
Jude glared at him but knew better than to respond to his baiting. He was acting like he had when they first met, arrogant, cold and disinterested. It hurt.  
He took her arm, and pulled her reluctant body flush against his. His fingers framed her face and he stared into her big eyes before lowering his mouth to hers. The kiss was not tender, not of lover to lover, but something much more primal and consuming.  
She knew it was wrong, but her eyes closed involuntarily and she moved closer, her breasts flattened against his chest.  
It was he who finally moved back, but even his breath was heavy and uneven as he stared at her once again. "Two options," he rasped out. He tried to appear unaffected, but he could feel the blood pumping through the pulse at his neck.  
They couldn't go back to pretending this wasn't between them, not when the careful barriers had been smashed. She might have been too inexperienced to realize it, but he knew better. And now so did she.  
"I'm not a cheater," she stated plainly. "That's not who I am." She turned her head away. "It's not who I want to be," she uttered, barely above a whisper. But she had and she was, but she couldn't keep doing it.  
"I know." There was gentleness in his voice. And just for a second, there was something she couldn't identify in his eyes, before they became closed off once more.  
"Then that's it." Finality an echo in her strained voice. She turned away and started to walk.  
"Jude," he called out, her name still sounding too good on his lips.  
She looked back at him questioningly.  
"You can still come by-the studio I mean." Maybe she didn't hear the slight strain in his voice, but he did.  
She simply bent her head slightly, before straightening and turning away again, leaving him watching her retreating figure. He didn't stop her when she took her bag from his car and slung it on her shoulder before making her way down the long wooden planks.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

Jude was trying to stay away until the last possible moment, until her behavior would soon become suspicious to Chris. He knew she normally enjoyed working with him at G-Major and that she and Tommy were something resembling friends, so putting off going back was no longer an option. There was also the ballad duet they had yet to record, that Darius Mills was waiting on, to add to the pressure. And the other harder truth was, the longer she spent without seeing Tommy the more she thought about him. She couldn't shut her mind off and those blue eyes flashed across her brain, just like they had on her birthday.

It had been hard for her to resist the impulse to head to Walt's studio the next time they normally had their lessons and she could only pray that forgetting him would get easier with time, because nothing else she seemed to do, helped. Chris was no distraction because he was working most of the time and by avoiding G-Major, she didn't see him regularly either and that just left her more free time for her imagination to run wild. Jude had sat in on her friends rehearsals and even sang a couple of songs with Spied, but it wasn't enough to satisfy her restless nerves. She couldn't seem to put her heart behind it, even though if anyone asked she would still have considered music her first love. They were so happy to have her making music with them again, that they failed to notice something off about her, which she could only be thankful for. It was obvious that they approved of Chris, since they had covered for him when he had been working on her car.

Well she was finally at Walt's studio again, having had no reason until now to go back. She strode in confidently, guitar case slung across her shoulder and grinned in delight when she saw the familiar shaggy brown hair. He was at his paper strewn desk, talking to the regular guitar instructor, Bryant. "Did you bring me anything?" she interrupted teasingly, exchanging a quick 'hello' with Bryant before he cleared out.

"Darlin' I missed you." His crooked grin brought out one of her brief ones. She hadn't been smiling much these days, except for the effort she made, the rare times she actually got to see her boyfriend. She accepted, maybe better than some girls would, that he had an album to complete. And it was really her own fault and no one else's, that she wasn't there with him. Even Tommy had not banned her from the studio.

Jude dropped her guitar on the visitors chair and hopped onto the one empty corner of his desk. "How's your sister?" she asked in genuine concern. The prognosis had been good when they had last talked, but she didn't know much about these things.

"Headed towards a full recovery. So what have I missed. You look different Honey." He studied his young pupil carefully, noting the change of hair color distantly, seeing more in her vivid eyes.

Jude blinked, taking a second to absorb his statement. How did she look different? It couldn't be the whole loss of virginity thing; that was obviously total BS that you could actually see a difference after. Right?

"Freer, but more troubled, if that makes any sense."

Jude shrugged and tried to blow off his too insightful comment. "I've been working on my songs again," she said, knowing that would take his mind from her visible mood.

"Really?" he asked in genuine surprise. His persuasion, after all, had done little to get the stubborn teenager to get her to start singing again. "That's great Sweetheart. Any other earth shattering news you want to share with an old man?"

"Well I don't think it's earth shattering, but I'm um seeing someone. He's got a contract at Tommy's company."

"Guitar?"

Jude had to smile at the thought of the boyfriend she now sometimes thought was too good for her cheating ass. Chris was so surprisingly sweet and thoughtful sometimes, it made her feel worse about her own actions. "Singer too." She went on to explain how they had run into one another again and the music they had been working on. Walt told her some stories about his sister, and his nephew who had come home from university to visit.

The time passed quickly and they heard the click of the lock, as Bryant let himself out the front door for the night.

"So thanks for taking on Tommy. He said you were good. Not that I needed him to tell me. I could hear it in his playing."

Jude warmed at his compliment and at the innuendos she heard in her crazy brain, even knowing that's not what Walt meant. She almost asked if Tommy had said anything else about her, but bit her tongue to stop herself.

"It went better than I expected, even if he was a boybander" she said in a lame attempt at a joke, not ready to get into the complexities of what had started out as simple guitar lessons. She hadn't known, not that first night when he had rushed in the door, how different their interactions would be.

Walt chuckled and shook his head, slapping his palm on the desk. "I knew you'd enjoy that part the most."

Realization dawned in her eyes. "You didn't tell me who he was on purpose!" she accused.

His rumbling laughter, sparked her own and for that brief time she was happy again.

* * *

They were already setting up when Jude got there after school. It was the first time in a week that she had set foot in the hallowed halls of the famous G-Major Records, known to make or break a musician. Chris was the first to see her and hugged her close before kissing her cheek tenderly. Next she swung her eyes to the other man she was acutely aware of, even if she hadn't yet looked at him directly.

"Hey," he said coolly. All she saw was disinterest as his gaze went back down to the laptop, that was connected to the soundboard.

What Jude didn't know about Tommy Quincy was how good at holding in his own feelings he was. There was no way she could have known that he had to hold off the instinctive smile her presence caused. There was no hint that he wanted to be the one with the right to kiss her and bring her into a hug.

Jude was not by nature, clingy, but she stayed close to Chris today as they made adjustments to the music for Spellbound, before they sang together for the first time. She only allowed herself to glance at Tommy from her periphery, tried not to notice his movements in the room as he mixed another of the Cipher Saints songs. It still impressed her how he could multi-task, because he threw out comments to them, even though he was working on something else. What she didn't know was how aware of her he was and that his mind had trouble focusing on the music in front of him.

Tommy walked out of Studio B, his head turned the slightest degree so that he did not have to look at the couple relaxing on the couches next to Hospitality. He felt himself bump into another body and finally looked.

"Sorry man," he mumbled at Kwest, then moved around him towards the beverage area.

"Okay man, what the hell is going on?" Kwest finally asked in exasperation.

"What are you talking about?"

"You're so busy not looking at her, you almost ran me over."

"Pff, don't exaggerate," Tommy scoffed, rolling his eyes as he brushed Kwest aside to reach for a coffee mug on the table.

"What's going on with you two?"

"Nothing," Tommy said too quickly.

"You're sure?" Kwest replied, eyeing his friend speculatively. Tommy was not his usual indifferent self. The fact that he let that fact show was telling in itself. And when Kwest thought back on the day so far, Tommy and Jude hadn't even spoken more than two words in his presence, when before they hung out like old friends.

"Why? You want something to be going on Perez?" Tommy made another dismissive noise and grabbed the cup of coffee he had fixed. "I got work to do." And with that he walked away.  
Definitely something going on, Kwest could see the signs clearly.

* * *

They stood on the street after their session in front of Jude's Mustang, their hands linked together.

"God it feels like I haven't been with you in forever," Chris growled against her shoulder. He kissed her cheek softly, causing her lips to curve in a smile.

He swung their joint hands behind her back, pulling her in closer against his body. "So your Mom's at one of her conferences right?"

Jude nodded as she looked into his eyes. "She left yesterday."

"So your Dad won't be home then?"

"Probably not." Her Dad always seemed to have extra 'business' when her Mom was out of town.

"Stay over," he said persuasively, letting go of her fingers to raise his hand to her cheek. "Just to sleep," he reassured.

Jude looked at him doubtfully. He had been so good about not pressuring her. And it did feel good to be with him and not in her lonely house. She finally cracked a small smile and nodded.

* * *

Three days in a row she had come in after school. On the first day he had managed to basically ignore her presence. Then a strange little routine had begun on the second. They circled like great cats, or maybe some other lithe predator, neither of them willing to let on that their awareness was centered on the other.

It seemed to him that her focus was solely on her boyfriend, except that he knew she avoided his eyes as surely as he attempted to avoid hers. And that took concentrated effort, at least on his part.

On the third it was entirely impossible as he listened to that voice, unable to keep his eyes away from that face, as she sang with JC. The song was a seduction scene, her voice though brought it to life. He remembered the smell of her, the taste and it was an unique torture he had never experienced before. His longtime friend Kwest would have said, Tommy always got what he wanted and he had never had to try hard to charm a woman, usually his fame and looks already helping towards his goal. Jude was obviously a different case altogether. Although he had already slept with her. However, instead of the act satiating his curiosity, his appetite, it made his want of her that much stronger. Physical lust? He could deal with that easily enough-but it was the other-the feelings she invoked that he had to force himself to ignore.

"Again," Tommy snapped into the intercom, none too politely, gaining a glare from the two singers in the sound booth. It wasn't exactly easy for him to watch their interaction, mingled with their voices, but this song deserved perfection.

JC began, his voice now slightly gravelly as he belted out the words they had labored on. He watched his girlfriend, both their moods in sync with the mood of the song. It never ceased to amaze him, how strongly he felt for this woman, who he had thought he had known as a child.

_**Burning here, in the room**_  
_**Feeling that, the walls are moving closer**_  
_**Silent scene, the dark takes me**_  
_**Leads me to the ending of another day**_  
_**I'm haunted**_

She conveyed the sense of being trapped by something greater than herself, by emotions beyond her control through her strong voice. If Tommy wasn't trying so hard to control his own feelings, he would have been proud of her. He had known all along though, that she was born for this.

_Tell me who you are, I am spellbound_  
_You cannot have this control on me_  
_Everywhere I go, I am spellbound_  
_I will break the spell you put on me_

Jude hadn't known she had it in her to keep a guy's attention focused solely on her, but she tried and succeeded as she sang to Chris. It was a desperate attempt to forget who lay on the other side of the glass because the man she stood in front of was not her only muse. He was part, but not the whole. They circled one another as if they were actually in a video for this as yet unfinished song. A hand slid along a hip, a palm flat against a muscular chest. The obvious chemistry was there in their unguarded movements.

Chris slid his hand down her arm and clasped her fingers, grinning down at her, looking into her eyes as he sang the next verse into the microphone.

_**Velvet drapes, glowing candles**_  
_**Silent whispers of words inside of my head**_  
_**The night that comes, it waits for me**_  
_**Lifts me to the ending of another day**_  
_**I'm haunted**_

It was her turn to put her attention on the mike, even as she felt eyes burning into her skin. It only added to that extra edge of silent desperation she put into the bridge.

_Tell me who you are, I am spellbound_  
_You cannot have this control on me_  
_Everywhere I go, I am spellbound_  
_I will break the spell you put on me_

_Tell me who you are, I am spellbound_  
_You cannot have this control on me_  
_Everywhere I go, I am spellbound_  
_I will break the spell you put on me_

_**Everywhere I go**, I am spellbound_  
_**Everywhere I go**, I am spellbound_  
_**Everywhere I go**, I am spellbound_  
_I will break the spell you put on me_

As the last notes died out Jude's eyes flickered involuntarily to the man sitting at the soundboard. She couldn't stop herself from being hurt that it seemed he had already moved on so easily. And she felt weak, that she couldn't seem to let go. 

* * *

"Jude, what's up?" Sadie answered her cell phone as she walked down the aisles of the local CVS. She let her voice show how glad she was to hear from her sister as she stopped in front of the magazine section.

"Sades am I really an idiot?"

"What are you talking about Jude?" Sadie scoffed. "If it's about school, you just don't spend that much time studying."

"No…It's-Do you think Tommy just wanted to sleep with me?" she asked hesitantly, even though there was a burning anger in the pit of her belly, that he could so easily ignore her.

Sadie paused in her perusal and pursed her lips in thought. The obvious answer was 'no', but Jude would expect a reason too. "No baby sister, I'm pretty sure being with you wasn't that easy. Why are you bringing this up now?"

Jude had to admit there would have been less complicated women he could have gone for, not that he hadn't done that too… "I went back to G-Major a couple of days ago-I know we agreed that we couldn't be friends, but…It's like he doesn't even notice I'm there Sades." A tinge of bewilderment crept into her voice.

"Jude, a guy who got what he wanted from a girl, wouldn't bother looking for her again to talk-For any reason," Sadie said confidently, remembering that visit to their house. "Maybe he's not sure how to treat you either and that's why he's staying away from you."

"I don't know…I don't think he cares," Jude said doubtfully, biting her bottom lip in a habitual gesture.

"Well…" Sadie studied the cover of one of her fashion magazines, listing a makeover article. "There's one way to know if he cares. Or if he just wanted to add you to his list of conquests."

"How?" Jude couldn't hide the curiosity from her voice.

"Hey I thought you were over him anyway. You said you were doing great with Chris."

"I am!" Jude protested too quickly. "Chris is awesome. But…"

"It's okay, I think I get it. You want to know if you meant anything to the guy you slept with." Sadie understood that moment of self-doubt even if she wasn't used to it herself. She had had many friends who had gone stupid over a guy and forgotten their own self-worth. Their family had also done a number on Jude, she had been slow to realize.

"Yeah," Jude whispered into the receiver. 

* * *

On the fourth day there was no sign of the blond haired regular to G-Major, although a certain dark haired producer watched for her entrance. Even as he waited, he could not bring himself to ask where she was. Tomorrow was the weekend and for once he had nothing scheduled at work. Ironically, with the free time he had, he still couldn't do what he wanted and call her. That was not part of the deal they had made. He decided he would go out that night, visit a few of his old haunts and find someone to occupy his mind. He refused to analyze why the idea seemed like such a chore all of a sudden.

Jude stared at the large building in front of her and had to stifle an urge to groan. She had never been crazy about mall shopping, preferring independent music stores and vintage clothing stores to the generic ones usually housed in the mall and she was feeling a little insane at the little fact that it was kind of her fault she was meeting Sadie here. No it was Tommy Quincy's fault. Or maybe it was hers for being unable to let go. But they had slept together, didn't that mean anything? Jude put her head on her palm and let out the groan she had been holding. Why couldn't she just get over someone who wasn't into her? She had a boyfriend any girl would die for. Why wasn't that enough?  
Once she got something into her head, it was like an infestation until she solved the problem or obsession or whatever this was. Was this her fatal flaw? She wondered as she thought back to the possessiveness she had once exhibited with her best friend. Did she need others to put her first to feel good about herself? She refused to be that person. This was just a way to answer her question, provided her sisters' plan worked.

Jude walked into the building, adjusting her fitted blue skirt a little self-consciously as she gave the receptionist a half-hearted smile before continuing on to the inner sanctum. There were more than two men who noticed her progress, but she didn't pay them any attention as she made her way to Studio B. She wore more makeup than usual, but it actually looked subtler on her smooth skin, except for the deep shade of her lipstick.

She didn't expect the sky to fall or anything when they saw her, but it made her feel good when Chris's voice faltered at the sight of her.

Tommy swiveled his chair to follow JC's gaze. His eyes couldn't help but rove over those long, shapely, slender legs up towards her fitted black camisole.

"Hey," she said out of those lush lips, that had his throat suddenly dry.

"Hey," was all he managed in reply, ripping his eyes forcibly away from her.

That was it then-He had never really been interested in her.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

It was false to say beauty didn't move him, but it had faded to only a physical level at this point in his life. Although he could hardly be considered old, he had had a chance to experience more than most men ever would when it came to the opposite sex, and he was-jaded. So, although Jude came in that afternoon, dressed up and looking good, it shouldn't have moved him like it did. There was that momentary physical reaction, but it also affected him in other ways too, which he had not been expecting. Although his body couldn't disagree with the sexy image she portrayed, his mind rebelled at her new 'look'. She was more than a pretty girl and ironically her attempt to appear more feminine, rubbed him the wrong way.

Bodie gave a low mocking whistle as Jude walked towards them. "She's not bad when she dresses like a woman."

JC glared and gave a low 'fuck off' before shouldering past him to meet Jude in the doorway.

"Hey," she said a little timidly, still feeling self-conscious in her new look.

He reached out and took her arm, leading her out into the hallway out of earshot of his band members as she gave him a puzzled look.

"Tell me you ran out of clean clothes and raided Sadie's closet." He looked her up and down, his eyes lingering only a moment too long on the bare skin of her long shapely legs.

That was definitely one reaction she had not anticipated and she gazed at him in hurt puzzlement as he stared at her in what almost looked like accusation. "What?" she murmured, still too bewildered at his reaction to defend herself.

"Shit, I'm sorry Jules," he commented, running his fingers through his brown hair. "I just-I want you to be you, not some Barbie clone."

Finally her self-protective instincts kicked in. "Really? Cuz those girls at the Vinyl Palace you flirted with were dressed in less than me and I never saw you complaining."

"Jules they were groupies," he said as if that explained everything.

She crossed her arms over her chest, unknowingly pressing her cleavage together in an appealing show to anyone who happened by.

He stepped closer to her and held her arm so that she could not step back. "Baby, I've always thought you were sexy." He leaned his head in close to hers. "I don't want you to change yourself to prove it. Those other girls will never be important."

An unwilling smile curved at her full lips. He had been the first person in a longtime to pay her any kind of compliment. And she forgot for a moment why she had dressed this way, as she gazed into those vivid green eyes of his, that reminded her of dappled sunlight and green, green leaves.

They walked back into the room, hand in hand.

Bodie threw up his arms in an exaggerated manner and rolled his eyes at them. "Can we get to work now? I have a date tonight."  
They ignored his sarcasm and JC went back into the booth to do another take.

* * *

Yet again Tommy's mind was too preoccupied to notice another person coming at him. It was inevitable in the limited space that they would collide, especially when she was also not watching where she was going. He felt, more than saw their impact cause her to start to stumble and automatically reached out to grab her upper arms to steady her.

Their eyes met in a mixture of confusion and inattentiveness and then recognition struck. He held on longer than was necessary, both of them frozen as their gazes remained locked on the other. Finally the din of the busy G-Major intruded and the moment of perfect quiet ended. He released his hold on her, but she did not step back.

Tommy raked his eyes down her body, taking in her outfit up close. He had made a conscious decision to stick to the plan and not get involved in her life again, but he knew he had never been good at following rules and let that fact release him from those bonds. His want of her was still too great and as Kwest would have said, 'Tommy always gets what he wants, when he wants it.' He leaned in by her hair, and rasped softly against her ear, his warm breath fanning the delicate shell, "you don't need it," was all he said before straightening again.

He left her then, she more confused than ever, wondering wildly what he meant and whether not he was answering the question she had never asked. She had secretly feared his indifference when she had cared more than she could admit, but was she really ready to change the rules?

* * *

Jude came back to G-Major the next day looking much more like her usual self, although she did keep the makeup that highlighted her features more than overshadowed them, as some of her old stuff had done. She had let her hair curl naturally, refusing that foolish impulse to try so hard to be noticed. If he truly didn't care, her changing her image would not make him more interested. Sadie had been wrong to think that her looks would get a reaction from him, even if she had argued otherwise after Jude had told her what happened. Sadie was still convinced that Tommy wanted her, but Jude hadn't seen it at all.

She entered Studio B, to the band gathered together, looking stiff and weird. "What's up?" she asked at their serious expressions; even Bodie who usually had an arrogant sneer, looked subdued.

"Darius just called Tommy into his office-to hear the song," Chris answered her, too nervous himself to give her a proper greeting. And of course she knew which song he meant. They had been working hard on getting the duet perfect, and Tommy had done his part just as well. They needed this to go well, to get the big man off their backs. He had already said their progress wasn't going according to schedule and threatened their contract.

Trey moved over on the couch so that Jude could squeeze between him and Chris. Chris absentmindedly wrapped an arm around her shoulders, giving her a slight squeeze before continuing his stare towards the doorway.

"How long can a three minute song take to listen to?" Jude asked no one in particular, her voice ringing in the once silent room. She might not be part of the band, but this was the first time her vocals had ever been recorded and she had been part creator.

Tommy did finally show up again, and it hadn't taken nearly as long as it had felt to them. He leaned casually against the doorway, not acknowledging that Jude had come on while he'd been in Darius's office, even though his eyes had swept over her long enough to take in her appearance.

"So how did Darius like Spellbound?" Justin asked when Tommy didn't immediately bring it up.

"He liked the song…" Tommy trailed off, his eyes purposefully looking anywhere but at her. The tension in the space still had not lessened at his inarticulate answer.

"But…" JC added, his fingers tightening around Jude's. They had collaborated and worked hard together on it. She was just starting to trust in her own singing again and he wanted this to work out.

"Darius doesn't think it would be the right image for the band, since you don't actually have a regular female singer. I'll still try to get it on your album, maybe a bonus track-But you're still gonna need another ballad." Tommy honestly didn't want to care how her expressive face looked now. He knew how hard she had worked on this song and he couldn't face her disappointment. He was equally angry at Darius, because it was a damn good song, but although reluctantly, he did see the other man's point.

"But Evanescence did it," JC protested, recalling their first hit single, Bring Me To Life.

Tommy shook his head. "Paul McCoy was already well known," he said, naming the singer from 12 Stones.

Their eyes all shifted to Jude involuntarily, two of them gauging her reaction. It was true she wouldn't be an asset in the fame game, no matter how good her vocals.

She looked up at Chris and shrugged helplessly. It was a letdown, but gone were the days that she expected a silver lining. Experience had taught her too much.

"So you got any ideas?" Tommy asked JC, his eyes still carefully catching her only in his periphery.

"You better have something. I have somewhere to be in an hour," Bodie stated arrogantly.

"We don't need you here," JC commented. "You guys either," he said to Justin and Trey. "We're just brainstorming now anyway."

"You sure man?" Justin asked, even as Bodie was already standing and getting his things together. The three men left then, Bodie already muttering about how he knew that song wasn't right for them.

"Bathroom break," JC stated lightly, standing to stretch his back. He left them alone, Tommy sitting on the couch against the wall, and Jude on the floor halfway across the room.

She had been kind of quiet, holding in her emotions, making her next to useless when it came to brainstorming lyrics for another song. Being in the same room with the two men had her thoughts scattered and her pulse beating erratically. She looked over in surprise at the knee, that was suddenly beside her on the carpet. He was sitting much too close, staring at her and she swallowed hard.

"I want you to know Spellbound is a good song. Darius likes your voice. Don't think it was anything that was wrong with your vocals."

Jude could only nod, his nearness, making her heart speed up and her palms grow sweaty. She remembered vividly how his body felt against hers. "Thanks," she finally managed to murmur, ducking her head to hide her betraying eyes from his gaze.

Then there were fingers at her chin, tipping her face up. "Are you okay?" he asked huskily.

"No," she answered, yearning flowing through her veins.

He leaned in closer, his mouth mere centimeters away and she stared into his translucent orbs as he moved ever closer.

They both sprang apart at the sound of the sliding glass door opening, Tommy leaning back on his hands nonchalantly and Jude staring down at the meaningless words she had scrawled on the sheet in front of her.

"Any flashes of inspiration?" Chris asked, taking in Tommy's position beside her.

"Not really," Jude answered weakly.

After three hours of half-started melodies, and crumpled pages of started lyrics the, three of them could only look at one another in frustration. It just wasn't coming together and Tommy finally sighed, running his fingers through his gelled hair. "Go home. We're all wrecked." The disappointment of the day had sapped the energy out of all of them, even though it was still relatively early. They had all counted on Spellbound, being accepted as the song Darius had requested.

They stood in front of Jude's Mustang and Chris kissed her forehead. "You wanna come over?"

She shook her head and gave him a weary smile, even as he thoughts raced to the almost kiss in the studio. She couldn't be with him right now, thinking of Tommy as she was. "I think I'm just gonna crash."

"Okay, I'll see you tomorrow then?"

"Yeah," she replied softly, attempting to betray no hint of guilt as she stared up at him.

He leaned down and kissed her gently, lingeringly, finally lifting his head and reaching around her to open her door for her.

Jude had been home for about 40 minutes when she heard a knock on the door. Her parents as per usual were not home yet. Her mom was probably taking another class, and dad was probably 'working' late at the office. She had been sitting on the couch flipping through channels, too lazy to even attempt to eat. She should be doing homework, but she couldn't find the ambition to.

She stood up and strode to the door unhurriedly, only half curious as to who it could be. Maybe one of her friends had decided to drop by. She swung the door open and stared up at him.

"Hi." 


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

She blinked up at him, taking in the messy dark hair and those eyes that she couldn't get out of her mind. She had been trying hard not to think about what had almost happened earlier-to think about him, but now here he was. She ran her hand over her own disheveled hair, trying to smooth it into place and then realized how silly the gesture was since he had seen it much worse than this.

"Come in." She stepped back and opened the door further, her eyes flittering away in an uncommon display of cowardice. Had she really expected him to show up at her house? No. But did it truly surprise her that he was here now? She couldn't say that either.

He followed her into the hallway and looked around as if dazed, as if he wasn't sure how he had gotten there. He had not been consciously driving towards her house, but somehow it was where he had expected to wind up.

He stared down at her bent golden head, his fingers itching to reach out. He had never known before that touching a woman could be such a luxury, all those hours he had watched someone else with that right. "This isn't going to work," were the words that had felt ripped out of his mouth.

If the situation were remotely normal she would have come back with some witty retort, maybe played dumb as to his meaning, but today was not the day for carefree banter. She was simply too tired to pretend. She retraced her steps as if on autopilot, knowing without reason that he was following her, back into the living room.

Jude sat down heavily, blindly, pulling the throw protectively over her lap. She felt the cushion beside her give with his weight, too close and yet she couldn't find an ounce of protest in her.

"So I guess we should talk," he said even as he marveled at the words he didn't recognize coming from his mouth. Since when had he become the chick?

She turned her head to him and somber blue eyes caught his. "Can we just skip it-for now?" The sound of desperation seeped through her voice. Speaking would make it all too real, this slippery slope they were stumbling or more aptly freefalling down. By all accounts he shouldn't be here, his presence going against all the rules.

He nodded and turned away from her gaze to the television she had left on. "What are you watching?" The channel was currently on one of those annoying infomercials with knives guaranteed to skin a skunk or some nonsense.

"Videos," she replied softly, her eyes following his to the screen.

They remained silent as the regular programming resumed. Eminem and Rihanna came on in, Love the Way You Lie, causing them both to fidget uncomfortably. It was a song about domestic abuse, a relationship going completely wrong, but it was the passion that got to them both, giving them a glimpse as to how situations like that could occur. It was love and hate in equal measure, two people poisonous to one another.

Had she ever felt that kind of desperation for another person? There were warm fingers on her shoulder and she leaned in gratefully, both of them adjusting their bodies to fit more comfortably on the couch. His chin rested against the top of her head, his fingers idly stroking the silky strands of her long hair. Jude pulled the tucked blanket out from underneath her and spread it over both of them. Still they didn't speak, absorbing the presence of the other enough-at least for now.

Jude blinked awake as some rock news bulletin came on, blaring a static noise as its opening. Somehow they had wound up lying on the couch side by side, her leg slung over his thighs, half her body covering his.

Apparently it had woken Tommy too, because as she stared down into his face he blinked his eyes open the same way she had, his eyes focusing on her pretty features.

Jude lowered her face to his, lips the merest brushing against his until his arms wound around her and then their mouths parted simultaneously, tongues meeting unhurriedly. She pulled her head back and grinned down at him, a little shyly, but unable to stop the spark shining in her eyes. Her fingers tingled where they touched the bare muscle of his stomach and she pushed up the hem as her body slid lower, straddling his thighs. She pushed his t-shirt up his chest, needing to touch, her head lowering to taste his salty flesh. She had been too shy the first time to really study his body, but she found she wanted to now.

He sucked in a breath and his fingers tangled in her hair, his intense eyes watching her lips on his skin. He had already known one night was not enough.

The front door opened without warning, and neither of them was quick enough to spring apart, want making them lethargic.

"Jude!" was the loud female admonishment coming from one of the two people.

Stuart took in the scene without comment, his eyes sweeping over the man's mostly bare chest and his younger daughter's position upon him. He shook his head and turned away towards his wife. He took Victoria's upper arms, catching her furious eyes. "Go upstairs, I'll take care of this."

She nodded curtly, having spent most of the last two years avoiding speaking to Jude directly.

Stuart turned back to the couple in the living room. Jude had climbed off of Tommy and they were now both sitting up. "I told you, no men in the house."

Her cheeks burned, but she still stared at her father defiantly. "No you didn't Dad. You only told me to stop seeing Chris." She hated that Tommy was witnessing this, her screwed up family life and she couldn't bear to look at him.

Stuart ignored her answer. "Why do you persist in bringing home inappropriate men Jude? Are you trying to punish us?"

"No!" Jude protested futilely, experience having taught her that gone were the days that her dad heard what she said.

Stuart turned his gaze on Tommy. "Do you know my daughter is only sixteen? Don't you think you should find someone your own age?"

Tommy had stood by this point and was trying to make an unobtrusive escape, until the other man's words stopped him. "Actually she's seventeen," he said coolly. "And it seems like she's been making her own decisions for a longtime." It angered him, on her behalf that this man didn't really seem that he cared for his daughter's welfare. And her mother…he didn't even know what to think about that. She had just walked away from the scene as if her own daughter's actions didn't concern her in the least. He understood dysfunctional families and felt an unfamiliar urge to protect her from hers.

"I want you out of my house. Now," Stuart replied, ignoring his own mistake. Of course he knew Jude was seventeen now, he had simply forgotten for a moment.

Tommy looked like he was going to disagree, but Jude touched his arm softly and shook her head.

"You should go." Although she wanted him to stay longer, so that she wouldn't be alone, so that they could explore what was happening between them, she knew-at least for right now that wouldn't work.

Tommy nodded at her before heading towards the exit and she followed even though her father called her back in. Jude opened the door for him and stared back her, watching to see if she was okay.

"Give me a call later."

She shook her head and spoke softly so her father couldn't hear, "he's probably going to take my phone." And she predicted she would get another grounding.

He took her hand and pulled it in front of their bodies, blocking the view, before placing his Blackberry in her fingers. She palmed it quickly and slipped it in her pocket.

'Call me,' he mouthed before stepping out of the doorway, leaving her to face her father.

She shut the door and turned slowly to stare at Stuart. "I'm going to my room."

"You can't do this Jude. You can't have strange men over. What are you thinking? Don't you have any respect for yourself? First Jess's brother and now this man…" He shook his head and stared at his recalcitrant daughter. " You're grounded. I want your phone."

Jude marched to her book bag by the side of the couch and grabbed her cell phone, returning to her father and slapping the object into his hand. His bias towards Chris angered her as much as his hatred towards Jess once had. He didn't even seem to care who Tommy was. Instead of staying quiet and accepting what he said, for once she didn't want to stay silent. "Why does it matter who I see? Don't pretend you care now Dad," she spat out, her eyes shining too brightly. She would not cry in front of him again. It was ironic how, although April had been the once to lose her life, Jude was the one who had lost her family.

"Of course I care!" he spluttered in shock.

"If you keep telling yourself that, maybe one day you'll believe it again," she whispered so softly he had to strain to hear. "I'm sorry it wasn't me…"

And the pain she revealed in her eyes, pierced through to his father's heart and he could stare speechless as she walked away from him. Was that what he had made her believe? How long had it been since he had really looked at his younger daughter? She was no longer a girl, but a young woman and he wasn't sure when it had happened. He had allowed her to slip away and now he feared it was too late to go back. Too much repressed, now made him mute.

She heard the light tap at the door but ignored it, not wanting to argue with her father anymore. What was the point? Her eyes focused on the screen as she tried to understand all the Blackberry applications. All she had managed to figure out so far was that he had his home phone as number one on his speed dial and now she had something to tease him about. He lived alone after all, so why would he call himself at home? That is, if things didn't get weird between them again.

* * *

He was shaken awake by something, and it took him a second to comprehend the noise coming from the side of his head. He reached for his cell phone quickly when he remembered why it had been on his bed. She was supposed to call him last night and he had waited until he'd passed out. He wasn't that guy that needed to know where his girl was 24/7 or anything, but she'd been acting strange the last few days so he had to wonder what was going on that she wasn't telling him. He read the text message on the screen and frowned, because it explained nothing.

_ Chris, srry didn't call. TXT from skl. Grounded again. No phone. -J_

He knew her family life was far from the perfect façade that was projected to the casual observer and wondered if her parents were on her case again. He wondered if they had found out about him.  
Later when he finally got to talk to her on the phone she told him her parents had grounded her because of her grades and taken her cell phone. She had been borrowed Spied's to call him. He ignored the silence between her words, hearing only the warmth when she claimed to miss him, because Jude wasn't the kind of girl who would play games. He had enough experience with those women to know she was utterly different.

* * *

It was the first night since she had been indefinitely grounded that she was able to get away. Her mother had yoga class and her dad had an office party. She knew she should have gone to her boyfriend first, and she had thought about it, but her Mustang pointed towards a different part of town. Nervousness sped her breathing and she had to concentrate to drive through the dark streets.

Her right hand was poised to knock at the apartment door, his Blackberry held in her other hand. It was the excuse she had thought of, to come by, in case he asked. She hoped he wouldn't ask though, hoped he would know why she had shown up; hoped he would be glad to see her. When she had told Chris she missed him it had been the utter truth, but even though she hadn't said that to Tommy, that had been fact too.

He opened the door without looking through the peephole and stared at her in surprise, although she could not read it on his face.

"Hi…" she said softly, her mouth suddenly gone dry. "I uh wanted to return this." She reached out to him and he took the device from her, transferring it into his jeans pocket, before taking her hand. He stepped back and pulled her into the apartment, shutting the door behind them. Tommy stared down at her and raised his arm, letting the back of his hand caress her cheek.

Her gaze never left his as his hand moved to touch her lips, then lower to brush lightly against her neck. He wound his fingers into her hair, cradling her head as he leaned closer, never taking his eyes from hers.

She nodded slightly at the silent question in his blue orbs. Tommy braced his other palm against the wall where her back was now pressed. In a blink his mouth found hers hungrily, and she parted her lips to allow his tongue access. His kiss grew more insistent, and they had to part for much needed breath.

Jude would never know where she found the courage, not that her brain was functioning enough for her to think about it at that moment, but her fingers found the button of his jeans. She fumbled momentarily, but managed to undo them before pulling the zipper down.

Their lips fused together again and his hands were at her waist now, ripping her jeans down her legs. She kicked her shoes off, before managing to get one leg free of the confining denim. His hands gripped her thighs and he lifted her, pinning her against the wall.

She instinctively wrapped her legs around his waist, the position angling her core against his hardness. Jude closed her eyes, as his lips traveled to her neck, teeth grazing her soft skin. The feel of him pressing his hips against her had her gasping. She was still too new to this to demand from him verbally, but she wanted to tell him, to beg that he enter her and put them both out of their misery. Every time he thrust against her, she felt closer to crying out. Bracing her with one arm, his other sneaked between them, sliding into her moist panties and touching her where she ached the most.

Jude bit her lip hard as he stroked that overheated flesh. She felt his fingers dip into her, his thumb circling the sensitive nub. Once, twice and that was all it took for her to come apart in his arms. She did cry out then, her fingers digging into Tommy's shoulder and arm. Her head flung back and she didn't even feel it banging against the wall, so far gone was she in the convulsions shivering through her body.

He wasn't far behind, he was chagrined to realize and this was from simply touching her slick inner muscles. He growled impatiently, unable to maneuver the both of them anywhere with his pants around his ankles. Reluctantly he let her go so she could stand on unsteady feet. Jude finally managed to untangle herself from the leg of her jeans, using the wall as support.

He stripped off his pants and boxers shamelessly, then slid his Polo shirt over his head, watching her reaction. His hands tightened into fists as he fought for control when what he wanted to do is lift her up and slam into her, over and over until they were both sated.

She watched him through hooded eyes, unable to look away from that hard body that drew her so much she couldn't explain it. Her body tingled from his touch, and she still ached for more. She had never met this side of herself before, until him, and it scared her that she could feel like this.

"Take off your shirt," he commanded and she obeyed without question, leaving her in her bra and panties. His arm snaked out and curved around her tiny waist, pulling her against his bare skin. He cupped her breast in his hand and squeezed gently, causing Jude to flush at the strangely intimate gesture. She closed her eyes as he touched where he wanted, not even opening them when he started to guide her quickly into his bedroom.

He rid her of her last vestiges of clothing and scanned every inch of her bared skin. Tommy pushed her down on the side of the bed and reached for his nightstand, opening the drawer to remove a foil square. He prepared himself quickly and leaned down to her lips.

Jude reached out and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him down to her, pressing her mouth to his urgently. He gripped her under her thighs and pulled her ass to the edge of the bed. His hardness probed the slick heat between her legs and she tensed a little, still a little unsure and still feeling very inexperienced.

She curled her leg high against his back to facilitate his entry and he took advantage to push deep into her with one solid thrust. A small sound escaped her throat at the fullness of him, stretching her inner muscles.  
Tommy put his arms underneath her knees, letting them rest against his muscular forearms, and placed his hands on her hips, holding her in place as he withdrew almost to the tip. He slammed into her, faster this time and deeper than she had ever felt him.

Jude didn't complain though, she could feel him pulsing inside of her and it made her own inner muscles tighten in anticipation. She tried to meet his long strokes as best as she could, but the sensations overwhelmed her as he continued his punishing pace. Both of them were in too much of a hurry, too keyed up for release to be gentle with one another. She raised her hips desperately, feeling that building pleasure ready to take her over.

Tommy let go of her legs finally, wanting to feel more of her against him. He moved her legs around his waist, and leaned in to take her mouth. They kissed furiously, as their lower bodies continued to move against one another in a pounding rhythm. He felt it like a lightning bolt, her contracting around him, squeezing him tight as her body quivered and her nails scored red marks along his back. All it took was that moan of his name to send him flying over the edge to join her.

He pressed her into the mattress, his body suddenly boneless, his damp forehead resting against hers. He knew better than to stay inside her, and rolled onto his back next to her. He pulled her into his side and her eyelashes fluttered against his chest.

Even as satisfaction, made her feel lazy and euphoric, a thought invaded her brain. _No return_. 


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

Tommy looked up from his desk at the slow opening of his office door, revealing a blond who quickly closed it behind her stealthily, before pressing her back against it.

She had snuck in through the alley door at the side of the building, conveniently located two doors down from his office, that was constantly left open for the smokers of the G-Major workforce and hadn't been noticed by anyone who knew her. She grinned shyly at him. "Hi…" she said softly. Despite what they had already shared, this was new to her and she felt unsure about her welcome, but she had wanted to see him so bad after only two days, after rushing out of his apartment that night to beat her parents home. She learned the one downside of having her own car was that they knew when she was there or not. It had not been enough those few hours.

Her thoughts automatically wandered back to that last night together, as they had many times before. That was what gave her the courage to come here so boldly.

_ Tommy lay beside her on his large bed, head resting on one arm, teasing her skin with the tips of her own hair. _

_ She turned her head to grin at him, getting more comfortable in his presence by the second._

_ "Stay," he commanded in a sexy rumble, warming her insides with that one word. Although everything else was still wrong, the fact that he wanted more than just a one-er two night stand made her feel-wanted. And she couldn't deny that she wanted him to want her as much as she ached for him._

_ Jude shook her head regretfully and sighed. "I can't, my parents…"_

_ "When do you have to go?"_

_ She glanced at the alarm clock behind him before replying. "Hour and a half." Expecting him to say something, she looked back at him, startled when he suddenly cupped her cheeks with his palms. And just like that he kissed her again, their naked skin pressing together._

Tommy arched an eyebrow, taking in her normal clothes and the spots of color on her cheeks. His eyes were then drawn down to her glossy red lips and he smiled slowly. "Playing hooky?"

If he had asked she would have in a split second, but she shook her head and shrugged. "No…It's a half day at school."

He crooked a finger and beckoned her closer. Said the spider to the fly? She thought suddenly. Normally she would have protested on principle, hating being told what to do, but this moment his wishes were the same as her own. She wanted to be closer, wanted to touch, just to know he was real and there with her. Jude perched on the edge of his desk and played with one of the pens on the surface.

She was secretly thrilled at the fingers suddenly resting on her jean clad thigh, but tried to appear unaffected.

"So-Hi," he said softly, giving her a look that made her want to shiver. He moved his chair closer, so that his legs were on either side of hers.

"That's a big chair," she blurted inanely, feeling suddenly warm at his closeness. She felt his hand move off her thigh, and then his fingers on the curve of her waist. Suddenly she was pulled forward so that their faces were mere inches apart and then the rest of her weight shifted onto her knees in the roomy chair, straddling him. Her hands braced on his shoulders to keep her balance. "Hi…" she whispered, her breath fanning his lips.

Tommy traced the side of her neck with a fingertip, causing her mouth to part in surprise at the tingly sensation. He cupped the back of her head and his mouth finally found hers.

* * *

Kwest had known Tommy for a longtime, so it was normal for him to only give his friend a brief glance, when he caught movement on the second floor, without looking too closely at his appearance, but today something caught his attention the moment the other man stepped out of his office a step behind the blonde who tried to appear nonchalant as she slipped out of the same room. There was careful distance between them as they both headed down the stairs.

Kwest's hand tightened around the bottle of water he had just retrieved from the fridge when another man, the blonde's boyfriend, headed in their direction from the lobby. He found himself stepping forward, blocking JC's view of Tommy as Jude greeted him.

"Hey you, what are you doing here so early?" Chris grinned down at her, taking in the flush of color on her cheeks, his hands resting proprietarily on her hips.

"Uh I thought you had studio time…" her eyes darted away from his, afraid he would see the guilt in them.

"I thought I told you it was a late afternoon session today." He shrugged nonchalantly. "No worries." Chris took her hand and interlacing their fingers intimately. "So you been here long?" He hated that she had to keep their relationship a secret from her parents, who he was starting to believe didn't deserve her. It was true she and Jess hadn't made the best decisions, but didn't she deserve a second chance? His parents had forgiven Jess, even though they had almost been sued by April's parents and come close to losing their house.

"Awhile-just hanging out-with Tommy." As soon as she said it, she wanted to kick herself. Why had she admitted to that much? But hanging out with Tommy would have been normal behavior wouldn't it? Wasn't the partial truth better than getting tangled up in elaborate lies?

Kwest took the opportunity while JC was distracted to confront Tommy. "Here." He shoved the bottle at Tommy's face, making his friend give him a funny look. "The water you asked for," he tried to put emphasis on his words as he nodded his head at the couple only a few feet away.

Tommy took the bottle reluctantly, still not getting why Kwest was acting so strangely.

"You said you were thirsty," Kwest hinted urgently as JC turned his attention their way.

Tommy rolled his eyes at his friend, but did as he wanted and brought the bottle to his mouth. He saw Jude's eyes widen as she glanced his way and wondered what was going on. Her tongue dipped out and tapped her upper lip, before she turned her head away.

"I'm kinda thirsty too, let's go to Hospitality." Jude tugged on Chris's hand and he followed her easily.

Kwest swung his head back to Tommy after watching them walk across the room. "You might want to wipe that off before we start working," he said dryly. "Nice color by the way. It brings out your eyes."

Tommy controlled his alarm enough to raise his fingers to his lip slowly, where he felt the slight slick stickiness of the gloss that he had admired on the lush mouth.

"What are you doin' man?" Kwest asked from behind him.

Tommy didn't answer and didn't even bother to glance back at him, before walking away in the opposite direction from the happy couple.

* * *

Jude stared at the controls on the soundboard almost absentmindedly, her mind still too full of the presence she tried to ignore, beside her.

"Careful or you'll make him sound like Mariah Carey."

Jude's hand immediately sprang away from the lever she had been touching. She looked at him with wide, apologetic eyes. "Really?"

Tommy had to snigger at her gullibility and her eyes immediately narrowed, realizing she was being played. "Jerk!" she said halfheartedly, smacking him on the arm with the back of her hand.

He grinned at her and she had to smile back, neither of them really paying attention to the man who was still singing on the other side of the glass.

"These magic buttons can do wonders though-even make your sister sound good." She had told him once about how tone deaf her sister was when he asked if musical talent ran in the family.

"Really…" she asked skeptically this time.

"I can show you. Here." He reached out and moved one of the many controls a fraction of an inch. He began a basic lesson on the multitude of buttons and controls, showing more patience than Kwest would have ever credited him with.

* * *

They entered the house to a distinctive pungent smell and both glanced over at the source. A group of six people sat around the living area, half of them Jude did not recognize. Among them was Chris's band mates, two girls, one of them hanging on Bodie, and one scruffy guy who was sitting back with his eyes closed. There were cans of beer, and bottles of heavier stuff scattered around the floor. A joint dangled from Bodie's mouth, which he promptly removed, giving Jude a leering grin as they passed to get into the hallway.

"Hey little girl, want some? It'll loosen you up," he said her in a mocking slur, holding the joint out to her.

"No…" Jude replied uncomfortably, Chris tugging her a step faster past the group.

"Back off Bodie," Chris said tersely. Although he had nothing personal against the occasional toke and drink he knew it was not her scene.

She couldn't help hearing Bodie saying something and then their laughter behind them as they got to the base of the stairs.

"Ignore him, he's just drunk and high."

"What's his excuse the rest of the time?" she muttered under her breath.

Chris wrapped his arm around her waist. "Forget him, he's not worth it. Want to watch a movie?"

Jude nodded without comment, wondering why someone who barely knew her could hate her so much.

* * *

They were in Wally's garage in their usual spots, working out some new tunes and generally goofing off when the phone in her pocket beeped with a text. Jude took her phone out quickly, her face breaking into an honest grin that lit up her face. It was one simple word, Tonight, but it was enough. The sender was anonymous, but of course she knew who it came from.

"Ooh must be lover boy," Kyle called from his seat behind his drums.

"She wants to hold him," Spied teased as he played a flirty little riff on his guitar.

"She wants to kiss him," Wally grinned, wrapping his arms around himself, puckering his lips, making kissing noises, which Spied mirrored.

Her friends would not normally tease her that much, but she had never really shown much interest in guys before, and she was so obviously infatuated now it made them happy.

"Oh Chris take me! Rid me of that wretched virginity!" Spied mocked in a high falsetto.

Jude stiffened at his name, although her friends had not yet noticed her sudden discomfort.

"Make me yours!" Kyle added in the same way Spied had.

"Stop…" she murmured, her mood that been great all day, suddenly dampening by thoughts of her official boyfriend. And it wasn't that Chris suddenly didn't make her happy anymore, but the guilt she kept at bay suddenly swamped her because Tommy made her feel something else-more. She was too ashamed to share with anyone her predicament or her happiness as much as that euphoria cost her.

They ignored her soft plea and continued to joke.

Jude reached over to unplug her guitar and started to repack it. "I gotta go," she said curtly.

"Jude," Spied called in puzzlement, but she did not reply as she walked briskly out of the room. She gave them a quick wave without turning and they heard the slam of her car door.

The boys stared at each other in confusion.

"Maybe it's that time of the month," Kyle finally said not so helpfully and Wally shrugged. Jude had never been one of those moody girls, maybe not completely happy, her own problems weighing her down, but she had never acted like that before.

* * *

He entered the diner, his arm slung around the bare shoulder of the sexy brunette at his side. Her name was Christie or Cassie or something. She giggled inanely and he gritted his teeth trying to hide his annoyance at the sound. She was hot after all and later he would be enjoying peeling the dress off her voluptuous curves. He nuzzled her light curls as they walked towards an empty booth. At least she smelled good. That was then he noticed the dark haired man in the corner; that perfect messy gelled hair unmistakable as his producer's.

Tommy sat beside someone in an oversized black hoodie, talking animatedly and smiling, looking relaxed and completely unlike the prick, power tripping asshole he acted like at work. Bodie figured it was a woman, unless his producer secretly liked young boys, judging from the slight shape of the other occupant of that booth. He sat down, but continued to look over curiously, knowing his producer's taste usually ran to the high end model variety and not a female in a shapeless sweatshirt.

Tommy reached out and played with a strand of her hair, pushing down the hood to reveal a cascade of gold, gone curly because of the damp cold on that cusp between rain and snow. "You have to be warm by now," he teased because of her unwillingness to remove his hoodie after braving the bracing wind outside. He tried hard not to remember that that was all she had slipped on her upper body, after the growl of her stomach had convinced them to brave the outside world and leave his warm bed.

A sudden urge hit him to taste her, to take those pretty pink peaks into his mouth and make those erotic noises issue from her throat.

"Stop staring at me like that." Her cheeks were now flushed as she tried to frown at him.

"How am I staring at you?"

"Like you want to devour me whole," she hissed, her eyes scanning those nearby to make sure they weren't listening in on their conversation. She had never seen that wicked smile on his lips before and her breath hitched.

"Since you mention it, hurry up and order."

She laughed lightly, responding completely to how open he was being with her. He seemed younger somehow, than when she had first met him, maybe because he wasn't so closed off. She couldn't help wondering if that meant something, that he could be like this with her. Did she matter, even a little, to him?

Bodie steered them back towards the door, the girl giving him a puzzled look. He didn't want them to know that he knew they were fooling around on his lead singer, at least until he figured out what he wanted to do with the information. JC had been getting a little too bossy about the direction of the band lately. They were supposed to be co-leaders; Bodie was no one's bitch.

"Where are we going baby?"

"Let's go somewhere else, the food here's not so good."

"Oh, okay…"

He opened the glass door quickly and ushered her out, walking them across the street.

Well it seemed like Jude wasn't the good little teenager she pretended to be. Now all Bodie had to do was figure out how to work it to his advantage. All he knew was that they were definitely fucking, no man like Tom Quincy would look at a woman like that if he wasn't getting any. Maybe he hadn't given Jude enough credit and she was actually more interesting than he had initially given her credit for. She was no sweet virgin, like JC seemed to think. Nice.


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

"Where'd you go Beautiful?"  
Jude blinked, snapped out of her thoughts, and grinned over at Chris sheepishly. She had completely zoned out on him as they sat on opposite corners of the couch, her feet resting on his lap, spending a rare free afternoon watching random TV.  
He reached out and smoothed a stray lock from her face, brushing her cheek lightly before dropping his arm. "What's going on with you Jules?"  
She moved to sit up, pulling her legs off his lap to drop her feet onto the floor. "I'm right here, " she said, trying for a forced casualness she obviously wasn't feeling.  
"Your head's been somewhere else for days now." He didn't let her off the hook this time, even though she hadn't fully been there with him for a while now.  
"I don't know…" she trailed off, answering not untruthfully. Her mind was full these days and she didn't know how to make sense of it all. "Just school's been a bitch and my father-he's been trying to talk to me." Between all the time she spent at G-Major, with Chris at his house, secretly with Tommy, school had been somewhat neglected and it was seriously starting to show on the last paper with the C she had gotten in English, one of her better subjects.  
But of course the major source of her worries was the two guys her world revolved around. If she were a better person she would let one of them go. In theory that would have been the right thing to do. But theory and reality didn't go hand in hand, not in her case at least. If she stopped seeing one of them, the other had as much as said he wouldn't be happy with the situation and she couldn't face what she suspected he would do. And she had already tried to stay away from him once, with absolutely little success to brag about. The moment she had seen him again she had been pulled back into his orbit. And she didn't want to stop being with him, even if it was the most selfish thing she could be doing.  
"You know I offered to help with your school stuff. I did do the university thing, even if I didn't finish."  
She nodded and easily curled into his arms when he pulled her in.  
"Your dad-it'll work itself out. I think he does care about you. At least he's trying right?"  
"I guess…" Jude really didn't want to think about her parents either because it was all tangled up, hurt and guilt and the helpless feeling of being unable to change what had already occurred. And it wasn't that she had forgotten that they loved her but that she seriously suspected that they might not anymore. And what did that say about her that even her mother and father didn't care?  
Chris kissed the top of her head and gave her a squeeze, making her feel secure and warm. Even with all her lies, she couldn't help enjoying him being there for her. He was important, even if her actions didn't make that clear and she did love him.  
Jude turned her head and slightly and stared into his face. "Chris, can I ask you something?"  
"No."  
She frowned and looked at him more fully, catching the sparkle in his eyes even though the intense green was muted by the dimness of the room. She poked his side with her finger and he caught her wrist before she could do more damage.  
"What do you want Babe?"  
"How do you know you love me?"  
He frowned at her, lines creased his forehead as he stared at her intently. "You're amazing and intense-You play guitar like a goddess. And you're beautiful. You're never boring. You put up with my band. When you smile I-"  
She put her fingers to his lips to silence him. "Stop," she half laughed/protested. Too short a time later she shook her head, heart feeling heavy again. "I'm not perfect Chris." She let her hair fall to cover her face, to hide the confusion that shadowed her eyes. She wished she was all those things he thought he saw, but she wasn't sure if she was any of them.  
He brushed aside the golden fall of waves and placed his palms on her cheeks, lifting her face to meet his. "Hey, I love you. Nothing's gonna change that-Believe me." He caught her deep blue eyes and held her gaze until she nodded.  
She didn't deserve him, had never thought someone like him would want her. Maybe an observer would think that was why she had to go and screw things up, because she didn't think she deserved to be happy-but no that wasn't it at all. It was Tommy and the inexplicable pull he had on her. It was impossible to resist, but she also knew it wasn't healthy. She wasn't quite that stupid. She knew eventually her actions would catch up to her. She knew everything about repercussions.

Jude slid out of Chris's bed later that night and picked up the long sleeved concert shirt he had thrown onto the chair in the corner. Unlike Quincy, Chris did not wear cologne, so only the faint scent of his soap and his skin were evident on the cotton fabric. She slipped it on over her cami and boxers before quietly opening the door.  
The rest of the members of the house had already crashed and it was still in the big drafty house. She made her way down the stairs in the dark, finding the television by the light of the streetlamp burning outside.  
Justin found her three hours later and silently stared at her actions in fascination as she finished the last level of Guitar Hero on Expert. "Shit," he commented half in awe and half in amusement.  
Jude, startled by his voice, jumped before swing around to look at him. "What?" she asked a little breathlessly.  
"That score is pretty damn impressive since we only taught you to play a couple of weeks ago. And…."  
"And what?"  
"You beat Bodie's number one spot, which took him a solid month to get and he's gonna blow the roof."  
She had barely had a chance to bask in his admiration and her own sense of accomplishment before her mouth turned down at the hated name. She shrugged and grinned again, refusing to give in to that niggling feeling of unease. That asshole deserved this and even if it was petty, she liked the idea of pissing him off. What could he possibly do to her after all.

* * *

It was a typical late afternoon with the usual suspects in the studio. They were laying tracks for another song, the Cipher Saints ballad temporarily shelved to stay productive. It was the norm for Jude, JC and Tommy to stay around together discussing the music, but today they were also joined by Bodie who had never shown much interest in the creative process, except to occasionally shoot down a song.  
They were so intent on listening to the playback that Jude didn't even think about picking up the can of Coke in front of Tommy and bringing it to her dry mouth.  
"Careful," Bodie warned her, almost leering at Jude, "you don't know where his mouth has been."  
Jude froze for a split-second before she dropped the can of soda back onto the table, her hand feeling slightly weak. She hadn't even been thinking about it when she automatically grabbed Tommy's' drink to take a sip. Her eyes flew to Chris to see if he found her misstep suspicious, but his look of concentration hadn't wavered except to roll his eyes at Bodie. Then her eyes darted back to Bodie, the arrogant smirk, making her uneasy. She and Tommy both waited for him to say something else telling that day, but he didn't although his eyes wandered between them knowingly more than once. She knew then, she had to get away for a little while and her sister's invitation to her sorority party that Friday was the perfect excuse. Sadie had invited her to stay the whole weekend for some bonding time and although before it hadn't sounded that appealing to Jude to be surrounded by a houseful of girls who were perfect like her sister, right now it seemed almost like the lesser of two evils no matter how much she enjoyed spending time with the men in her life.

* * *

Chris had his cell phone pressed to his ear, a broad smile on his face when she spotted him across the street, outside the diner they were meeting up to grab a bite to eat. She had to admit he looked good, the perfect part of the rock god about to make it big. His hair had grown out some, and now waved in just that drool worthy way, and his clothes hung well on his tall rangy frame. Then her eyes traveled to that face that was just rough enough not to be called handsome. There was just enough stubble sprinkled on his face to make him look a little edgy and although she wasn't crazy about kissing him when he wasn't clean shaven, it did make him look good. She wondered, not for the first time how he could love her, and how that could possibly not be enough. It was obvious that the shrink had not fixed her and she was that same messed up girl from before.  
"Yeah, good." Jude heard him say as she walked quietly towards him. "Yeah, text me when you know. I haven't told her."  
"Told who, what?" she asked curiously, causing him to jump.  
He whipped around to glance at her before returning to his call. "I gotta go," he said without meaning to sound quite so guilty and hit the button on his phone. Chris turned fully to her and grinned slowly. "Hey Beautiful," he said as his arms slid around her slim waist.  
"Who was that?"  
A strange look crossed his face so quickly she thought she might have imagined it. "Um just Justin," he said not quite evenly. "He had some lead on some Godsmack tickets," he adlibbed.  
"Oh…" She didn't say it suspiciously, but she couldn't help but wonder at his odd behavior. Because of her own behavior she found herself questioning his, even if she had no cause. Was he hiding things too?

* * *

Jude sipped some sweet, red alcoholic concoction from a large blue plastic cup and tried to keep a nonchalant smile on her face as she sat in a corner chair in the living room of the sorority house. It wasn't hard to fade into the background with the size of the crowd at this party. A few frat guys Sadie had introduced her to had tried to talk to her, but she had been so monosyllabic, that they had wandered off to find more interesting company. She got up and moved in to the less busy kitchen, breathing in less smoky air and leaned against the counter that sat in the middle of the large room.  
"There you are," Sadie burbled as she walked through the doorway and spotted Jude. She handed one of the two shot glasses, she held, to Jude before downing hers and dropping it onto the counter.  
Jude sighed and put her plastic cup next to the empty glass, before also following Sadie's lead and drinking her own shot in one gulp. She coughed as it burned down her throat, but she really didn't care. Accepting Sadie's invitation had been a mistake. This was so not her scene and of course she hadn't been able to get her mind away from what had been bothering her.  
"What's going on with you little sister? This is a party," Sadie put a little too much emphasis on the last word, letting Jude know she was at least a little drunk. "Are you missing your hot boyfriend already?" She rolled her eyes before reaching for Jude's cup and drinking from it.  
"No I-" At that moment a familiar beep came from her pocket and she pulled her cell phone out automatically, glancing down and unable to keep from smiling at the text message. She didn't know that her face lit up, showing more animation than it had all night.

_Could use your company tonight._

As with all his texts, it was from Anonymous.  
Sadie reached over quickly and grabbed the phone before Jude had a chance to stop her. She grinned a little wickedly as she read the words, just buzzed enough not to wonder why Jude's boyfriend would write something so impersonal. Her fingers were on the keyboard before Jude even realized what she was doing, not that the alcohol helped her own reaction time. Jude had just enough time to see what her sister had typed before she sent the text.

Tommy sat in his office at G-Major, more than ready to relax for the night after pulling a ten hour shift. He read the screen of his Blackberry as it signaled a text and didn't even realize he was grinning at the message he had just received.

_Miss you babe. Join me._

There was an address included, near the downtown area. He wondered what Jude was doing there and it never occurred to him not to find out.  
Sadie handed the phone back to Jude, looking smug and self-satisfied. Sadie grinned at her before drinking more of the mixed drink.

"I really wish you didn't just do that," Jude sighed, not even noticing that she had automatically grabbed the cup when Sadie handed it back to her, and took a long swallow.  
"Are you avoiding Chris?"  
Jude's eyes stared past Sadie out the window. She hadn't wanted to tell her sister what was going on, afraid she would be ashamed of her. They had just started to become friends again. "That wasn't Chris," Jude said ironically.  
Sadie blinked once and stared intently at her. "Who…"  
Jude shrugged, looking guilty and embarrassed, her cheeks flushing.  
"You're seeing someone else? Your not with Chris anymore?" Sadie asked quickly.  
Jude shook her head and looked down at the jewel colored liquid in her cup. "Chris and I are still together-but-I couldn't do it Sadie. I couldn't stay away from him."  
It took Sadie a second to think of who Jude could be talking about. "Him…As in Tommy Quincy, him?" Sadie questioned slowly this time. It had been pretty unbelievable for her to learn that Jude even knew Tommy Q and this was just plain weird.  
"I don't know what's wrong with me."  
"There's nothing wrong with you," Sadie answered automatically, making Jude smile in spite of the somber conversation. Sadie's eyes widened as she took in the implications. "So you're," she gesture wildly with her hand, "with both of them?"  
Jude's cheeks turned an even darker shade of pink and she shook her head vehemently.  
Sadie sat down heavily on one of the kitchen chairs. "Why didn't you tell me about this?"  
"Because I know it's wrong Sades." The turmoil was clear in her big blue eyes as she glanced up at her sister.  
"Jude…So you and Tommy are…." She wasn't quite sure how to finish that sentence politely.  
"Sleeping together, hanging out, making music…" Jude gave a big shrug.  
"And Chris has no idea?" Sadie asked incredulously, so surprised that her little sister was capable of this type of thing. They had finally realized that both of them knew about their father's affair and both had been upset about it.  
"Of course not." Jude tucked her hair behind her ear nervously.  
"Do you still want to be with Chris?"  
"I…I don't know Sades. He's everything I could possibly want." Confusion was etched plainly on her features.  
"But he's not," Sadie replied softly, "or you wouldn't be looking at another guy."  
Jude shook her head. "It's not that. When I'm with Tommy," she paused and lowered her drink onto the counter again, "it's like nothing else is important."  
"Be careful," was all Sadie could think to say.  
The phone Jude had put in her pocket again, rang and turned her head to answer it. "Hello."  
"Hey. You want to come out? I don't think it's a good idea for me to go in there."  
She heard the weariness in his voice and had to laugh. She could just imagine all of Sadie's sisters recognizing Little Tommy Q. and a fan girl riot with drunk coeds ensuing. "Give me five minutes." She snapped her phone shut and turned to Sadie. "Do you mind?" she asked a little anxiously. Just the thought of seeing him was making her heart race.  
"It's okay. I know this isn't really your thing. Thanks for coming though."  
"I just need to get my bag from your room," Jude said distractedly, her thoughts once again on the man she had wanted a brief reprieve from.  
Sadie went upstairs with her before walking her to the front door.

Sadie watched her through the window as she leaned inside the driver's side window of the expensive blue Viper to greet the dark haired man. Sadie saw his hand tangle in her hair and he appeared to pull her in for a kiss before she straightened again to walk over to the passenger side to get in. She was still blinking in mild shock a minute later when her roommate Cassie found her.  
"Hey you're missing the party."  
Sadie nodded and plastered a smile on her face even though her thoughts were spinning. Had she really just seen her little sister go off with Little Tommy Q for what was essentially a booty call? It was just so unbelievable she had to wonder if someone had spiked the punch with something stronger than alcohol.  
"Where's Jude?" Cassie interrupted her thoughts, her gaze following Sadie's out the window, but seeing only a few people smoking on the lawn.  
"Uh she had to go…" Sadie answered distractedly, wondering what Jude was thinking. Did she have any idea what she was doing with this man? And then there was her boyfriend, who from what Jude said was in love with her. She might have come back to this big sister thing a little late, but finally she worried about her. She could tell her little sister had lost her heart, but would he keep it safe? Somehow she didn't have that faith even though she was a self-professed hopeless romantic.

Jude responded to the amused grin of his with a big smile of her own. "What?"  
"Are you drunk Big Eyes?" He had tasted the faint trace of sweetness and alcohol in her kiss.  
"No," she said with a giggle and immediately clapped her hand to her mouth, her eyes going round. "Maybe a little…" she admitted sheepishly. Jude had never been the kind of girl who giggled much.  
Tommy had always appreciated her full throated laugh; like everything else she gave in to humor one hundred percent. "Let's get out of here," he said in that low raspy voice that drew shivers up her spine. He pulled onto the street and placed his hand on her thigh, warming the skin underneath the fabric.

Jude fell onto his couch heavily, starting to feel the effects of all the liquor she had knowingly and unknowingly consumed. Tommy sat down beside her and leaned over, pressing his lips for just a simple taste. They hadn't been alone in four days and he found his body demanding to get closer to hers. He maneuvered so that they both lay lengthwise across his couch and his fingers unsnapped her jeans deftly before pulling the zipper down. He slid the pants down her legs and then rid her of her panties.  
Jude had her eyes closed, savoring every touch of his fingers on her skin, but she opened them when she didn't feel the expected weight of him coming back up to meet her. "What are you doing?" she asked, staring down the length of her body at him.  
His hands parted her legs and his mouth touched her inner thigh, causing a satisfying startled gasp from her full lips. He spread her lower lips with his thumbs and his tongue snaked out leaving one long path between the delicate folds before he looked up to see her reaction.  
"Oh God," she moaned, her eyes heavy lidded at that one singular touch.  
He bent his head once again, this time circling the tiny bundle of nerves, causing her back to arch off the couch. "If you keep moving I can't take care of you," he teased.  
"Tommy…" she whispered enticingly before feeling the barest hint of teeth grazing against the soft skin of her sensitive flesh. She inhaled sharply when he stroked against that spot again. A finger probed gently into her slick entrance and she forgot to breathe when a second finger joined the first even as his tongue traced perfect circles against her swollen nub.  
"Do you know the alphabet?" he asked as he paused to watch the naked emotion on her face. He loved that there was never any artifice in her.  
"Huh?" she asked breathlessly, her body feeling so taut, waiting for more. She learned what he asked as he went back to driving her mad, as he wrote out letters with his tongue. She wasn't sure which one sent her over the edge, but it couldn't have been far into the middle of the alphabet by the time her inner muscles convulsed on his pressing fingers.  
He finally released his hold on her hip and slid up to kiss her.  
Jude tasted herself on his tongue and found it strange, but kind of hot at knowing what he had just been doing. Her lower body still tingled where he had licked and caressed her. She reached out to unfasten his belt, and with a tug she pulled it out of the loops, flinging it away. Next she worked on his pants, pulling them off more urgently as their kiss grew more heated.  
She made a sound of protest when he tore his mouth away. "Turn around," he commanded and she didn't protest, acquiescing almost immediately, laying vulnerable on her stomach, unable to see what he was doing. She heard the rest of his clothes fall to the hardwood floor, and then his naked legs pressed against hers, then the weight of them falling between her thighs, spreading them open. He moved her fall of hair off her neck to one side and his mouth found her neck. His fingers grasped her chin and he turned her head to meet his lips even as she felt probing pressure between her legs.  
Tommy pressed in, continuing to feast on her swollen mouth. He felt how tight she was, even with her first orgasm already out of the way.  
Jude groaned in frustration, her lower body aching for more. She arched back against him, her ass bumping against his thighs. "Tommy, please."  
His fingers dug into her hips, pulling her up at a better angle and he drove himself deep inside, stretching her wide even as he buried himself within her.  
She let out a small cry at the unexpected swiftness and sudden pressure inside her body, feeling every inch of him, her flesh surrounding him, holding him snuggly. And then he began to move, long even strokes, the pace fast enough to keep her off balance.  
"Like that?" he asked, his face buried in her hair against her shoulder.  
"Yeah," she breathed, feeling that spiraling pressure building with every movement of his body against, and in her.  
"Come for me," he commanded, not wanting to admit he was barely holding on himself. She did that to him too easily.  
"Not-Yet," she gritted, feeling pleasure, but unable to get to that peak quite yet.  
He slammed against harder, feeling every wave of pleasure coursing across his body. He was too close, could feel that tightening of his balls, signaling the end. His hand snaked out to her front and he found that hidden kernel, pinching it even as he couldn't stop from quickening his pace to find that final release.  
And she pulsed around him as he knew she would at the manipulation of her flesh, her body gripping him snugly.  
He gave one final shudder and she reached her arm back to wrap around the back of his neck, pulling him down to meet her upturned face. Their mouths fastened together, as she turned her body and he slipped out of her. They faced one another, her thighs now cradling his hips as they calmed from the onslaught they had wreaked on the other.

* * *

Jude walked through the upstairs hallway as she had many time before, to reach the last room on the right when someone came out of the doorway that she had just passed. She spun to face the mocking voice that said, 'hey Jude."  
It was Bodie, and he was standing far too close as he smirked at her. He reached out and rested his palms on either side of her head, against the wall.  
"What do you want Bodie?" she tried to say calmly, feeling nervous at his close proximity, his stealing of her personal space.  
"I think it's time we talked Little Girl."


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

She hadn't even realized she was trembling as she made her way carefully down the stairs, her feet feeling like heavy weights, like they weren't even attached to her body. Of all the people to learn her dirty little secret, why did it have to be him?! Chris would probably be wondering where she was soon, but right then there was no way she could face him. No one had ever threatened her before and all the consequences that had always been in the back of her mind, tumbled chaotically in her jumbled thoughts. She was going to lose the moments of happiness she had only recently found.

She almost tripped over the bag she had left by the front door, even as she had been trying to look for it in the darkly shadowed room. She found her cell phone in the messy inner recesses by touch alone, letting the familiar weight in her hand anchor her back into reality. In another moment she had flipped it open to call the one person's voice she needed to hear, even if deep down she suspected, had always suspected he would bring her no comfort.

"Yeah," he answered, sounding distracted uninterested and she could hear the sounds of laughter, music and general noise in the background.

"Bodie knows," she said woodenly, gripping her phone like a lifeline. And then she heard only the silence, the background noise fading away, maybe because he had moved, or possibly because her mind had blocked it as unimportant.

"What did he want?" he finally asked.

"I don't know-He wouldn't tell me much. He said he saw us at the diner. I think he wants to….I don't know. He said he'd talk to me again. He hates me Tommy."

"Is Bodie still dating that girl?"

"Who?" she asked distractedly, not understanding why he was asking about her now, "Tina? Yeah I saw her the other day."

"I'll take care of it-Just don't say anything to JC."

"But…," she started to protest.

"Hey," his raspy voice held a softer tone this time, "I got it okay?"

"Okay," she whispered back, still shaken, but hanging onto that tiny bit of hope that this situation wouldn't implode. She wasn't ready to let go of them, either of them.

* * *

Jude knew it was her job to distract Chris while Tommy took Bodie aside, even though they hadn't been alone yet to talk. She could only give her boyfriend a small portion of her attention as her eyes followed the two men upstairs into Tommy's office. What could he possibly say to Bodie to get him to back off? She didn't have the chance to ask even when they both came back down, Bodie giving her a knowing smirk before he took off.

She felt ready to jump out of her skin, unable to stay still because she and Tommy still hadn't had a chance to be alone. When her phone beeped, she took it out of her pocket distractedly before glancing up sharply to see Tommy putting away his own Blackberry from across the room.

_Relax_

How was she supposed to do that? Jude bit her lip and glanced down at the blank paper in front of her. She stood up, ready to get more coffee when a man suddenly appeared in front of her. Her eyes widened as he drew closer in a few long limbed steps. "Jess," she whispered in joyful amazement before his lips descended on hers, kissing her fully on the mouth, shocking her to her core. Jude did not kiss him back, and she was stunned at having his lips on hers, but she managed to react even with the shock of his sudden appearance. Her fist reached out and she punched him in the gut. "Ow," she muttered, cradling her hand against her stomach, "what do you have in there, bricks?" She couldn't help the giant smile lighting her face, her worries momentarily forgotten.

Jess smirked at her, taking in the best friend he had not seen in too long and he wrapped his arms around in spite of her struggling.

Jude turned her head when she heard Chris's voice addressing his brother. "Get your punk ass hands off my girl," J.C. said with a playful growl.

Jess turned with a huge cocky grin on his face. "Or what?" He released his hold on Jude to confront the other man.

"Or I'll snap you like a twig little brother."

They met in a bear hug with some not so playful arm punches thrown in.

"Little brother?" Jess said, his gaze drifting between them as if making comparisons and finding J.C. lacking.

Jude watched him, her heart in her throat. He wasn't the same boy that had been shipped away, having had another apparent growth spurt and his muscles had filled out so that now he was taller and broader than Chris in the chest. Her best friend was hot, she had to admit, even if she had never thought of him in those terms, except for once and that mistake had cost them all.

Jess wasn't the most observant guy out there, but he could not help but feel the burning gaze on his back. He had expected that from his brother who had told him he was dating his best friend, but he turned to meet icy blue eyes watching him and wondered at the man they belonged to. He held out his hand to the stranger, "I'm Jess Allen."

The translucent blue eyes showed nothing as Tommy held his own hand out to shake Jess's. "Tom Quincy. I'm your brothers' producer."

Jude turned back to Chris as the they introduced themselves, having some paranoid suspicion Jess might notice something and not wanting to see that happen. "You did this?" she asked, heart in her eyes. He couldn't find out the truth, he deserved so much better than that.

"I wanted to get him here for your birthday, but they're pretty strict at his school about taking off," Chris replied nonchalantly, leaving a hand in his jeans pocket. He managed to catch her when she flung herself into his arms.

"Thank you," she whispered softly against his ear, pressing into his embrace.

"You're welcome," he said back before brushing his lip against the shell of her ear.

"Hey Bro, you ready to cut out, grab some chow?" Jess asked loudly to interrupt them, after Tommy had sat back down at the soundboard.  
Chris pulled back from Jude and shook his head, "no man I still got an hour to go."

Tommy looked up from the controls to look over, catching Jude's eye. "You can take off. I'll finish up here."

She thought she got what she saw in his eyes, that he was giving her more time with her old friend and that she wouldn't have left without Chris. She nodded imperceptibly.

"You sure Tom? We can stay…" Even though Tommy had mixed feelings about JC for obvious reasons, he had to respect that JC was always serious about his music.  
"Get out of here. See you Monday." He faced the controls again and put on the headphones, already working again.

The three of them were still standing in line waiting for their turn to order at the counter of the neighborhood pizza joint Jess had insisted on revisiting, when Jude's phone rang. She frowned down at the screen that flashed her Dad's name. She couldn't remember him ever calling her. She walked outside away from the guys, afraid he would hear their voices, as she reluctantly answered.

When she walked back into the small restaurant the brothers had already ordered and were waiting at a booth for her. She frowned, hating that she couldn't stay with her friend, still not feeling like Jess was really there. "I have to go home. My parents are waiting for me." They had said they had something important to talk to her about, but wouldn't get anymore specific than that.

"How about tomorrow?" Jess asked with obvious disappointment in his brown eyes.

"You can't get rid of me that easy." Jude grinned at him before leaning down to press a kiss against Chris's lips.

"Stop, you're burning my eyes," Jess protested, still unable to completely grasp that his best friend was dating his brother.

All kinds of wild ideas raced through her mind as she drove the fifteen minutes back to her house. Had they somehow found out that Jess was back in town? Or was Tommy their reason for wanting her home? She dreaded opening that front door. It had been a longtime since she had been in a room with both her parents at the same time. Jude took a deep breath before she placed her hand on the door knob.

* * *

"Hey," he answered his phone, muting the television so he could concentrate on her voice.

"Are you busy?" Her voice was a little shaky and breathless, making him sit a little straighter.

"Do you wanna come over?"

"Yeah," she uttered in a kind of defeated way he had never heard before.

He opened the door for her as quickly as she had knocked, eyes skimming her appearance.

"Thanks for letting me come over. I had to get out of there."

One look was all it took for him to link her fingers with his and lead her into the bedroom. She had admitted once that, that was her favorite room in his apartment.  
Jude blinked in surprise when he grabbed a couple of pillows from his couch to build a small nest against the headboard for her. She slipped off her shoes and curled against them, facing Tommy.

"What's up?" he asked, tracing his finger along her bare arm.

"My parents are getting a divorce, and it's not like I didn't expect it and it's not like they've been happy in a longtime, but…still…" Jude shook her head, hating that she had to let go of that last vestige of her family.

There were moments when Tommy Quincy actually acted like he cared, giving her a hope that was too dangerous to cling to. He pulled her into a hug and it wasn't sexual. He simply held her as she let out all the hurt of the past couple of years.

"My family was never the best, but what happened to make yours so fractured?"

Fractured, that was strangely apt, she thought. Why could he be so insightful sometimes and so blatantly uncaring at others?

"Something happened that hurt my mom a lot. She blamed me and Dad took her side." He hadn't defended her, not once, when her mom had hurdled accusations and blame at her and her 'no good' friends. "Sadie and I weren't getting along anyway and afterwards, she hated me. Before that me and my dad were really close. He bought me my first guitar, even when my mom said I was too young." Jude shrugged helplessly, getting sucked back into the past.

"Your history with Jess?"

She blinked at him in surprise and nodded slowly, her mind going back to that place she had tried so hard to forget. She looked at nothing as she started to speak, not even feeling his hand resting against her skin. "My mom had a younger sister, she was really close to, Elizabeth. Aunt Liz was going through this really bitter divorce so my cousin April came to stay with us. It was the summer before our freshman year and me and my friends were so psyched to finally head to high school. April was our age so I was supposed to make sure she was included in the stuff I did with them. And we were together all the time, me, Jess, Jamie and April.

"We spent every weekend at Jess's house. I guess because I'd always done it, my parents never really thought there was anything wrong with us being there. They never knew though that Jess's parents were usually off at a gig. Jess's dad was in this classic rock band." She couldn't remember the name quite then.

Although it seemed like every detail of that night should have been etched in her memory, the edges had started to fade and there were only certain parts that still stood out in her mind.

_ They sat around the floor of Jess's living room, a couple of bottles of beer on the coffee table they had pushed to once side, swiped from his dad's stash. Another brown glass bottle, empty, lay on the hardwood floor between them. It had been April's idea, this game Jude would normally have mocked. But she knew she had to be nice to her cousin, her parents expected it and she knew April was going through a rough time, even if they had never been all that close. _

_ April had insisted on going first and of course she got the target she had been purposefully been aiming for, Jess. They had been enjoying a mild flirtation for a couple of weeks now, but never really got a chance to be alone since the best friends were so used to doing everything together._

_ Jude watched uncomfortable, as her cousin leaned forward and Jess met her half way. The kiss was over in less than a minute and April turned to Jude as she pulled back, giving her a smug look. Jude glared at her, feeling again that jealousy April purposefully invoked in her. Jess was her friend first from as far back as they could remember. April had been trying, with results, to wrap both her friends around her little finger. She hated that feeling of powerlessness and had to swallow down the anger that wanted to bubble up. _

_ It was Jess's turn to spin the bottle and the girls laughed when it pointed to Jamie, but they knew of course that there was no chance the boys would go for it. April urged him to go again, licking her lips in invitation, making sure he caught the gesture. Jude rolled her eyes and she was so disgusted that her friend would buy into her cousin's act that she wasn't even looking when the bottle stopped to point at her. Jude finally looked up, startled as her eyes met Jess's. Her fingers fidgeted with the bottle. "This game's kind of lame," she murmured nervously, her eyes sliding away from everyone._

_ "Come on Jude, aren't you even curious what it would be like to kiss him?" April taunted._

_ That was the moment that things would take a downward spiral, that would have repercussions that the they could never have imagined._

_ Jude jerked her head up suddenly, eyes locking once again with Jess's and her answer came a beat too late. "No I don't wonder about it." And it wasn't a lie._  
_ Even though she hadn't said anything else, April was smart and as she looked between them to the gaze neither had been able to break away from, she simply knew or at least suspected-enough to voice her suspicions._

"It was so stupid. I never thought about Jess that way, you know? But he was supposed to be my best friend. He called me on the way I was acting around them and-" she paused, fingers tapping on the mattress until Tommy's hand covered hers. "I kissed him. Maybe to prove that he didn't really care about her. Afterward we both knew it wasn't us. It would've stayed buried, but April kept asking if something happened between us. She wouldn't let it go. When we finally admitted it-She got hysterical, insisted on going home. But there was no one to drive her.

"So Jess took his mom's car. April was yelling at him and it started to rain. He didn't have a license, but he did take her car sometimes when his parents weren't home. Me and Jamie were in back so I couldn't really see, but I could feel it when he lost control. It was a like a split second, we were sliding. I didn't even remember us going that fast. We smashed into a tree." She could still hear that impact of metal on unmovable wood. It was a sound she would never forget.

He waited for her to say more, but apparently she was done. "She died?"

"They say the front passenger seat is the most dangerous spot in a car." She turned her body and buried her face against his chest. "Because Jess had been drinking, it was only one beer, but he didn't have a license so they wanted to send him to juvie. His uncle was on the board of this military school in North Carolina and his lawyer managed to get the judge to agree to that instead. You pretty much know the rest of it. My mom blamed everything on me and she couldn't forgive me cuz Aunt Liz couldn't forgive her.

"Instead of trying to understand or work things out with me they shipped me off to a shrink because they couldn't bear to talk to me." She shrugged lightly, trying to make it less important than it was. She felt his fingers smoothing her hair, surprisingly soothing her.

He instinctively wanted to deny any parent could be that cruel to their child, but he had seen the blatant hints that her family life was no bed of roses. She wasn't technically abused, more like completely neglected and ignored. Treated like a responsibility rather than a beloved daughter.

"What about you?"

"What about me?" he looked away, trying to appear unconcerned, but his voice hadn't been as steady as he would have liked. He didn't like to talk about anything personal, but what worried him more was that part of him that did want to share things with her.

"You know all this stuff about my life-Tell me something about you." She didn't quite demand, it was more like a plea to get her mind off all the things that had happened in such a short amount of time.

He thought about it and finally found something that would probably take her mind off her past. He couldn't even begin to think about how in some ways it mirrored his own mistakes. "Well-I wasn't the one who chose Walt to teach me. I mean I did want serious guitar lessons, but it was D who suggested Walt."  
"Why did he want you to work with Walt?"

"Darius wants me to convince him to sign with G-Major."

"Did you ask him about it?" Jude wondered, because her mentor had never mentioned it and she wasn't even sure he wanted to get back into making music.

"Not yet. Look you can't tell anybody about this, especially not Walt."

"Okay." Jude turned her face up to him. "Thanks." She didn't say for what, afraid it would give away too much.

"You're welcome." He couldn't resist the urge anymore and finally leaned down to brush his lips against hers. It was the only kind of comfort he had ever let himself be comfortable with.

It was only later that she realized that she had never asked what he had said to Bodie.


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19**

Jude came back into the bedroom after brushing her teeth, to see Tommy's outline in the bed, his eyes aimed at the ceiling, evident only from the faint light streaming from the bathroom. "What are you staring at?" she asked, the emotional toll on her today making her forget something she probably should have been able to guess. She slipped under the sheet and settled herself back into his arms, head against his chest.

"There's something glowing on my ceiling." He squinted trying to bring the small dot into better focus, but couldn't quite make it out. Although he would never admit it, he was the tiniest bit nearsighted.

Jude gave a small laugh and buried her head into his shoulder. "It's a star," she said, her voice muffled. Jude had been going through her drawers at home the other day and found a mostly empty sheet of glow in the dark, green stars. Some devil had urged her to use them at Tommy's too sterile apartment, but after sticking up the first one, she had heard him coming and been forced to flop back onto the bed. She had hoped he wouldn't notice until she was gone.

"Uh why?"

"So you'll remember me," she said lightly, glad he didn't seem annoyed at her childish gesture.

He tilted his head down to grin at her. "You're easy to remember."

It was glib and sounded totally like a line, but she couldn't quite figure out what he meant. "What…"  
He stopped her question with a quick brush of his lips against hers, and then got up to take his turn in the bathroom, leaving her to stare at his very bare back.

Jude awoke to morning sun wrapped in his arms, mildly surprised that they had stayed in that position throughout the night. His fingers stroked light circles against the skin of her stomach, telling her he was already aware. "Hi," she whispered, tilting her head back slightly to bring them closer to one another.

"Hey," he replied equally softly.

She pulled out of his embrace and was ready to turn to face him when she felt the kiss on her shoulder. Tommy slid lower on the bed and another brush of his lips grazed her upper back. Somehow she could feel the gentleness through the gesture and none of the electric charge that usually ran between them. But when she attempted to turn again strong hands gripped her hips, holding her lower body against his chest. She felt the difference in the next kiss, tongue gliding wetly across her skin, now lower on her spine. Her breath caught, even as she struggled halfheartedly to face him. Her fingers itched to touch too, his heated skin, some expanses pleasantly rough, some surprisingly smooth.

The music that suddenly filled the empty air startled them both from their interlude, and her arm reached out past him to the nightstand before he had the presence of mind to stop her. She already had the device in her fingers by the time he thought to distract her.

"Hello," escaped her lips in a gasp, as he flipped her around, pinning her to the bed in that moment.

"You're awake," the male voice said in mild surprise, thankfully not mentioning her breathless voice even though he had noticed.

Jude blinked in confusion. "What?" Although the voice sounded somewhat familiar she was having a hard time placing it while Tommy had his head resting against her chest, his lips pressed lightly to her belly.

"Breakfast. You. Me. Lose my lame ass brother."

"Jess," she said relieved to have finally identified the caller.

She heard a snort on the line. "Who did you think it was? Anyway want me to swing by and get you. Chris let me have his truck. I'll meet you at the corner."

"No!" she said too quickly, mild panic making the single word high and too loud.

Tommy raised his head to look at her inquiringly, propping it on his arm, but she was too busy trying to find excuses in her mind.

"Meet me at Ruby's in 45 minutes."

"45 minutes? You live like five minutes away." But of course Tommy's apartment was on the opposite side of town.

She had forgotten what an argumentative pain Jess could sometimes be. At least that hadn't changed. "I need to shower Allen."

"And it takes you how long? I'm starving here J, there's like no food in this house."

"None of your business. I'll see you there." She hung up on him before he could question her more. Jude brought her eyes to Tommy's and gave him a wistful smile. "I gotta go."

"You need to shower don't you? I didn't want to say anything…" Tommy slid up beside her and whispered against her ear, "but you kind of smell like me."

If Jude had managed to stand at that point she figured her legs might not have supported her. As it was, she had to control the impulse to pull him down and attack him. Instead she jumped up, avoiding more contact than necessary as she stood on slightly unsteady feet. "Yeah. Shower," she said, averting her eyes from his naked form on the bed.

"What are you doing?" she squeaked a second later when he stood beside her, pressing against her body.

"Conserving water," he replied persuasively, as he wrapped an arm around her waist and tugged her towards the adjoining bathroom.

"Tommy I need to meet Jess."

"I can be quick," he whispered against her ear, before biting down lightly on the lobe, the fingers of one hand brushing against the hardening peak of her breast.

* * *

Jude flipped her damp hair out of her face and adjusted her slightly wrinkled, but at least clean shirt, after she parked her car in the restaurants' lot. It was a good thing she kept an extra set of clothes in her bag these days or there would have been too many questions to answer. She glanced at the clock, only ten minutes late. She shrugged to herself, knowing it could have been much worse if she had let Tommy convince her of a bath instead of the shared shower. It was a new experience for her, that quick, sharp satisfaction. It would have been worth it even if she had been even later. And Jess knew she was hardly ever on time anyway.  
There was no lessening of sound as she turned the engine off, because for once she had kept the radio off. It was because of the melody running through her head, music that had never been committed to disc or tape. Even now as she got ready to meet her best friend whom she hadn't seen in two years, her mind still lingered on Tommy. He had tried to seduce her to stay, and for once it hadn't been with sex.

She came out of his bathroom after applying her minimal makeup, to find Tommy sitting on the couch, playing his acoustic guitar. He had only put on a pair of black gym shorts, so she was momentarily distracted by his bare chest. The music that came from his now more than capable hands made her pause in the doorway. It was just a bridge she thought, that he played over again, but it was so pretty, so deceptively simple and memorable. He knew this was one of her weaknesses, that feeling of creating music with him, that she had a hard time resisting.

"Sit for a minute. I want you to hear this," he said, patting the cushion beside him.

"I have to… Okay," she acquiesced, unable to form a negative reply. She took her seat and waited for him to start, immediately hearing something special in the notes, even if it was still rough.

"I know it's not finished. I'm still working on it. But what do you think so far?" Tommy rarely asked anyone for anything, she had learned that much about him. So she waited a beat to answer, gathering her thoughts.

"It's gonna be memorable, once you get it down. Something familiar but not. Something you'll want to hear again."

He nodded, and his fingers strummed a random chord. "History." He had a feeling she would understand and somehow her opinion had become important to him.  
She nodded, feeling so attuned to him, she should have been wary. "Do you have lyrics?"

He shook his head. "Not yet. I was thinking maybe you could help me with that."

As she stared into his eyes, she wanted with every fiber of her being to say yes. "I can't right now." The regret in her voice, taking any sting away from her refusal. "Jess is catching the bus tomorrow morning."

"Then you should go." He went back to playing, making it hard for Jude to hide her instinctual frown.

"Okay." She got up quickly ready to grab her bag by the door, but he stopped her with a hand on her wrist before she could walk past him. She looked down at him, trying not to let the confusion of the sudden dismissal show in her eyes.

He tugged lightly on her wrist, pulling her down, and met her lips in a soft kiss. "Bye Girl."

"Bye." She left him then, a smile on her lips. Even though sometimes she felt like an interloper in his apartment, right then it felt familiar and comfortable as she let herself out of her lovers' apartment.

* * *

Jude parked her Mustang on the side of the road in the gravel strewn dirt, spraying up dust into the air. "I think this is it," she said warily, unable to really recognize any landmarks in the sunny light of day. Ironically it was a pretty scenic spot, too tranquil to possibly be the scene of the worst night of their lives.

Jess got out of the car without saying anything, turning his whole body as he glanced around. After all this time he could not discern any unnatural disturbance to the plants or the trees. He walked towards a small clearing and sat on a fallen log, with Jude trailing behind him.

She sat down beside him and he looked over at her. "I thought it would be-monumental if I ever got here."  
"But it isn't. It's just a place near the woods that we've never really been." Nothing looked overly familiar or horrible.  
He nodded. "Yeah."  
They sat quietly next to one another, the only sound the occasional car passing by and the more melodic sound of birdsong and hum of insects. She was the first one to break their silence. "Why'd you stop calling?" They had stayed with light topics at the restaurant, talking about their lives and music, avoiding the conversation they both had on their minds.  
"It wasn't because of you alright? You have to know that. The academy was just so different. I used to go to bed at night and pretend I was at home to get to sleep. I missed home."  
"Then why would you stop…" It had hurt her too, so much. He had been one of her closest friends. Jamie had started avoiding her after the accident and her family had closed ranks against her.  
"I couldn't get through that life, when all I wanted to do was come home. It was too hard to miss everything. I had to shut it out. We used to see each other every day J."  
Her eyes were moist, but she would never cry in front of him so instead she punched his arm, letting out a garbled laugh. "Ass. Don't do it again."  
"I won't. I swear."  
Jude bit her lip, not wanting to change their still fragile relationship, but she had to know before she got her hopes up again. "J if me and Chris don't work out…" and of course deep down she knew sooner or later they wouldn't, not with all the things she had done, "would we still be okay?" She knew it would be a lot to ask, to make him choose between them.  
His eyes narrowed a little, as he stared down at his oldest friend. He thought he sensed something she wasn't telling him, but he also was smart enough to realized he didn't have the right to push, at least not yet. He hadn't really wanted to ask his brother about his relationship with Jude, but it had been pretty obvious Chris was completely into her. "You planning on breaking up with him?"  
"No!" she exclaimed immediately. "He's great." She shook her head. "I just-I need to know you and me are gonna be okay. No matter what."  
"We'll be good J."  
They lapsed into companionable silence again, watching the leaves flutter in the wind. It was hard to think of the horror of the accident when the area appeared so innocuous. Sunlight peeked through the tall trees and if they weren't aware of where they were, they would have called it peaceful.  
"Have you heard from Jamie?"  
She shook her head. "He doesn't talk to me at school. I didn't know he was that in love with her." She tugged at a clump of grass, keeping herself from thinking too hard about the other friend who had basically abandoned her. It had taken her sometime to accept that her two best friends had been in love with her cousin and even longer to accept that it had been no reflection on how they felt about her.

Jess stared at her like she had two heads and she finally rolled her eyes at him. "What?" she snapped.  
"Jude, Jamie was never into April," he said like it should have been obvious, in that way that used to make her want to smack him even if he had been bigger than her and now the difference in their sizes was even greater. Her best friend was totally hot if you liked the Kellan Lutz kind of physique. And whatever romantic feelings she once thought might have been between them was proven to be nothing but wishful thinking, proven by her strong reaction to his brother and how Tommy made her feel.  
"Then why was he so pissed after the accident?" Disbelief saturated her voice. Jamie had been cold and unwilling to talk to her, going out of his way to avoid her. It had only been another hurt heaped onto the seemingly unending pile, or so it had felt like at the time.  
"I'm not sure, but-I had a lot of time to think about it after that summer and I think it's because you lied to him-about kissing me." Jamie wasn't stupid and he had asked if anything was going on between Jude and Chris, but they had denied it, not wanting anything to screw up their friendship.  
"That doesn't make any sense Jess-" It had meant so little to both of them, that she couldn't understand what relevance it had to Jamie's continued animosity.  
"He wasn't into April, Jude-because he could only see you." There was that snide, know it all tone again, but she ignored it. She stared at him, mouth gaping and shook her head in automatic denial.  
"We all knew it, except you."  
"Really?" she asked in a small voice.  
"You know you're kinda hot, even if I'm not that into you. You got my brother drooling anyway. Course he used to nail anything with a pulse." He shrugged.  
Jude shoved him with her shoulder, but of course he didn't budge against her slight weight causing them both to laugh. "I missed you Allen."  
"Me too." He put his arm around her shoulders and they grinned at one another.

* * *

Things got back to normal, or at least back to her standard routine after Jess went back to North Carolina. This time around her best friend had gotten in touch as soon as he got back to school and she heard from him every few days with emails and texts. Having him back in her life definitely made her feel more centered and less lost about her place in the world. As days passed without Bodie spilling Jude's relationship with Tommy, she finally started to breathe normally again even though she knew enough to fear things would eventually come to a head. She continued to see both of them, but had limited her sleepovers at Chris's afraid she would eventually give in and sleep with him too. She didn't think she could survive the additional pressure and complications that would create.

Jude's dad was out of town for the coming weekend, and since her mother had already moved out of the house, she would have been all alone. Stuart though, seemed inordinately more interested in Jude's life now that Victoria was gone and had called his older daughter to baby sit. Jude would have complained about the house arrest, except that she knew her sister would not care what she did.  
"So when do I finally get to meet him?" Sadie asked after they had made plans to see a movie for Friday night.  
Jude bit her lip, and switched her cell phone to her other ear. "You really want to?" she asked skeptically, trying to hide that tiny zing that must have been jealousy, racing through her chest. Sadie was…Beautiful, and exactly the kind of woman Tommy had always been pictured with. Would he make comparisons and change his mind about her?  
"Oh come on Jude. You know he was my fav Boyz member."  
"Well G-Major's closing early on Friday for some technical upkeep stuff so I'll ask him to come by."  
"Great!" Sadie exclaimed a little too enthusiastically for Jude's peace of mind.  
Tommy had never done anything to make Jude not trust him, so she tried to let her unease go, ignoring the fact that he wasn't officially her boyfriend, anymore than she was tied to him.  
It was a scene similar to last time Sadie had come home, but this time Jude stepped back after opening the door, letting him in. She closed the door behind them and led him into the living room, their fingers brushing as their arms swung lightly.  
Sadie, dressed in one of her signature short skirts, pink this time, stood giving them an unobstructed view of her long tanned legs.

Jude hated the fact that she was the one to break the silence. "Tommy Quincy, meet my sister, Sadie Harrison. She's your biggest fan," the syrup dripping from her voice should have aroused him, instead every self-protective instinct kicked in as he stared at the gorgeous, blue eyed blonde in front of him. As far as sisters went, they did not look much alike, except for the hair color and eye color. She was good looking, he noted automatically, but there was definitely a missing spark of interest in anything more from her. Because Tommy had always avoided introspection he didn't realize that he hadn't felt that pull of attraction to another woman in a while.  
"Hey Sadie. How's it going?"  
Sadie sparkled back at him, her slightly coy smile, bright. "Hi Tommy. I'm glad Jude finally let me meet you." He had been her first crush after all.  
"Uh yeah same here," he replied with a marked lack of enthusiasm.  
She was unused to being looked over and disregarded, but after a quick perusal he had turned towards Jude. "Darius approved the first half."  
"Of the album?"  
He nodded in response and answered her genuine smile with a grin of his own. He wrapped her in a hug as she beamed in excitement.  
"That's awesome. Have you told the guys yet?"  
"Not yet."  
Sadie watched the two of them and what struck her the most was how comfortable they appeared together, as if they really were a real couple, or at least really good friends with a few benefits thrown in. There was only a slight twinge of disappointment that he had not shown any interest in her as a female, but she knew she was just being silly. She would never have gone for him anyway now, knowing that he was involved with Jude. The opposite was true in fact, because from the way he was letting Jude continue to see Chris Allen, Sadie knew better than to trust him.

The sound of another knock on the door had the sisters looking at one another in question. "I'll get it," Jude volunteered, leaving them quickly to go into the hallway.  
She opened the door and felt her stomach bottom out.  
"Hey Babe. Who's Hummer out front?" His eyes were warm on her as always.  
Jude swallowed as she stared at her boyfriend for a moment longer than was normal. "Uh it's just…"  
"Tommy?"


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20**

Jude whirled in horror to see Tommy standing there and then spun back to catch Chris's reaction.  
"What are you doing here man?" Chris asked, Jude unable to tell if he sounded suspicious, the pounding in her ears so overpowering.

She still didn't know if she would ever have found her voice if her sister hadn't appeared in the hallway a seemingly endless moment later.  
"Sadie," Chris said her name as if in dawning understanding. He let go of Jude and went over to give Sadie a familiar hug. "It's been a while. Hamish's graduation party?"  
"That sounds right," she replied, giving him a dazzling smile, hiding her own discomfort with the situation.  
As they caught up with superficial banter and talk of mutual acquaintances, Tommy and Jude remained silent, giving each other occasional glances, not sure if it was relief they saw on the other's face.  
"So what are you doing here Tom?" Chris asked, as he brought his attention back to the unusually pair.  
"Sadie wanted to meet Tommy," Judes' voice started off weak and scratchy but gained strength with every word, since this at least, was not a lie.  
Chris sniggered and managed to compose himself. "Sorry Sadie. Jude told me you were a Boyz Attack fan. For sisters, you guys don't really have the same taste I guess."  
The irony of his words was not lost on any of them. Of course it wasn't music preference that was on their minds.  
"Jude can be pretty convincing," Tommy added, a slight edge in his mild tone. If Chris had been looking he would have seen a knowing gleam in the other man's eyes.  
"Trust me, I know." Chris managed to smirk and still be affectionate as he glanced over at Jude. "So you going to the party this weekend?" he asked Tommy.  
"I guess-wasn't really thinking about it." Tommy shrugged his shoulders in a noncommittal way.  
Chris walked back over to Jude and rested his hand on her hip, placing his chin on the top of her head. "You should take Sadie to Darius's party," he suggested slyly, totally amused by the situation. He hadn't known that about Jude, that she had aspirations of playing matchmaker. It was a little odd that Tommy's attention didn't seem to be completely on the older Harrison sister. Sadie had always been a pretty sexy package, even though cheerleaders types had never been his thing. He had always liked his women with a little more edge, more complex.  
Jude flinched in his embrace and turned her head up to stare at Chris. "What party?"  
"I told you we were going out next weekend, right? Darius is winning some civic award and all the G-Major employees are being commanded to attend."  
"Uh no you never mentioned it."  
"Sorry babe. I figured we would be hanging out anyway," he delivered in that unconcerned way that usually had women ready to throttle their partners. "Anyway I'm sure Sadie wouldn't mind going."  
"Uh…" Sadie's eyes swung wildly to her sister's for help. "Tommy must have a date by now."  
"Do you?" Jude said a little too loudly, a sharp burning twisted her insides at the idea. The only way she had been able to be with him was to not let herself think about whether Tommy saw other women. She couldn't keep the concern from her eyes as she stared into Tommy's light ones.  
"No, I didn't ask anybody."  
Jude turned her head towards her sister. "Sades you should come," she half begged, half commanded.  
"Jude," Sadie couldn't hide the shock in her voice and Jude winced, hoping Chris hadn't heard anything in it.  
"It should be a decent time Sadie," Tommy added without asking outright. Even if he wouldn't admit it to himself, Jude was the only one he wanted to spend time with. Just that mere idea did not sit well with him. "Unless-you already have plans?"  
Sadie turned her gaze back to Tommy. "Uh no," she shook her head slightly. "I mean I don't have plans." She swallowed hard and forced a tentative smile. "I'm sure it'll be amazing."

Tommy didn't stay long after that, saying he had somewhere to be and although Chris wanted to hang out, Jude felt bad about leaving Sadie alone since she had come home especially for her. It was strange how it felt like a weight had lifted the moment she saw the flash of the truck lights moving away from the curb. And that made her feel even guiltier, if that were even possible.

"Not that a record label sponsored party doesn't sound awesome-wait do you think there are going to be stars there?"  
Jude turned to her sister from her position at the window, gave her an odd look and shrugged in incomprehension.  
"Never mind, I'm sure there will. But what was that Jude?" Even if Sadie hadn't known what was going on between her sister and the two men, she would have noticed the charged air, even if, somehow Chris was able to ignore it.  
"What?" Jude asked weakly.  
"You just pimped me out to your other boyfriend."  
"I didn't…He's not my-" Jude wasn't sure which part to protest first.  
"Not the point, and BTW you do more with Tommy than your official boyfriend," Sadie said as she rolled her eyes. Sure she had friends that had played games, played guys off one another, but her little sister wasn't one of those girls.  
"You love parties. And like you said, there'll probably be some celebrities there."  
"That is true, and…" Sometimes it was like pulling teeth with Jude, but Sadie would get her answers.  
"I don't want to see him with some strange woman okay?" Jude said through clenched teeth, hating that she had to say those words out loud. This thing with Tommy, it wasn't casual for her, had never been, but it wasn't a real relationship either, even if she always avoided thinking about it.  
The way Jude sounded was confirmation enough, not a game, something much more serious. "Oh Jude, do you have any idea what you're doing?"  
It was the sympathy in Sadie's voice that almost broke her. She gave a humorless laugh and leaned against the arm of the couch as if suddenly unable to support her own weight. "No clue. But-if you had him, could you give him up?" Jude sure didn't seem to know how.  
Sadie knew who she meant without having to ask. "Then let Chris go. What you're doing now, you know it's not right." Sadie wanted to say more, but their relationship was still fragile, repaired, but there hadn't been time to strengthen their former bonds.  
That thought hurt too. Jude had wished for so long that it was only that simple. "I can't." Her face grew tight as her thoughts automatically drew inward. Her opinion on her boyfriend had not changed. He was an amazing guy and he wanted her and he was always there for her. Chris made her feel good. So how could she do what she did to him? Jude's face darkened as guilt reminded her of the person she had become.  
Sadie forced a light tone as she grinned at her sister, trying to dispel the dejection in her face. "Hey we have a swanky party to prepare for. Do you know what you're going to wear?"  
"Sades, it's a week away," Jude said dismissively, making Sadie want to groan.  
"Yeah, barely enough time. Of course you don't have anything resembling a dress right?"  
"I don't think I need-"  
Sadie dismissed Jude's words before she even finished the sentence. "It's a fancy event and you know famous people will be there. Do you want to go to the mall?"  
"No!" Jude exclaimed in horror. The idea of the mall on a Friday night made her want to shudder. Half of her school hung out there on the weekends.

"Hmm…" Sadie looked Jude over, her eyes taking in the enviously thin frame. Jude could eat anything and not gain a pound, but even if she did she could use the extra weight. There was a dress she had ordered from the Victoria's Secret catalogue that might just be perfect. She only had to convince Jude to wear it.

* * *

Although she had been nervous, they fit in seamlessly among the glittering throng as the two blonde girls made their way to the entrance. It had been easier for them to meet their dates at the event, instead of having them show up at the Harrison's house since their father was home and neither of the two men was welcome in their home. Sadie had been highly amused when Jude had had to admit their parents catching her with Tommy on the couch.

Jude's short nails dug into her palms as she saw both of them talking to one another halfway across the room. Of course it was totally ridiculous for her to think it had anything to do with her, they weren't alone or anything and they worked together after all, but the thought didn't stop her heart from quickening. She completely forgot to feel self-conscious, or wonder if people were staring at her back.  
"Nice," Sadie murmured appreciatively as her eyes locked on the same spot Jude was already staring at. Sadie took Jude's hand and pulled her reluctant body forward. "Come on, I'm sure your boys are looking for you." She still hadn't gotten sick of teasing her little sister for her predicament.

Tommy saw them first, and his eyes flared the barest fraction as they drew closer. "Wow, you both look-incredible." And although he addressed two of them, his eyes lingered on Jude. Her dress was a cream color, short, but not incredibly so and her high heeled sandals accentuated her long legs. Her borrowed dress was cowl necked, the folds draping to her waist, where it tightened to hug her thighs and hips. Although it was sexy, it did not actually show much skin, at least he hadn't thought so until they both stepped in and he glanced over at a flash of pale ivory to find her back, bare to the waist. The material clung to her ass, and thighs highlighting every soft curve.  
"Thanks," Jude smiled, taking in how well his dark designer suit fit. She had never seen him dressed up, except in the occasional tabloid, and she hadn't expected her own reaction to the way he looked.  
Tommy turned towards Sadie with a practiced smile, taking in her grey/blue clingy dress with a sweetheart neckline and straps that tied at her neck. Unlike Jude's loose curls, Sadie's hair was up in a messy chignon, wisps of golden hair framing her beautiful face. She was a beautiful girl, he noted with a detachment that came with years of having women throw themselves at him.  
"What he said." Chris grinned at Jude and Sadie, not missing the appreciative glance Tommy threw the older Harrison sister.  
"Hey," Jude said, for once not needing to get on tiptoe to meet his kiss.  
"Why don't we go get some drinks?" Chris said into Jude's ear, lacing his fingers with hers. "Give 'em a little time alone."

"You're beautiful," Chris said unashamedly once they left the other couple behind. There were people all around them, but he only acknowledged her.  
What could she do but smile at the warmth in his green eyes. "Thanks," she ducked her head, at the other emotion she could also see simmering in them. She felt an answering kick low in her belly, but she knew she couldn't go there.  
"Are you cold? Need my jacket?"  
She had to whip her head up at the strange non sequitur. "What?" When she felt him shift to stand partially behind her and there was a warm hand on her back she understood. "That bad?" she asked, suddenly unsure again whether or not she could pull off the sexy dress.  
He leaned in a half step and whispered in his low deep voice his answer, "you look really hot."

She saw the open palm of his other hand, held out in front of her.  
"Dance with me."  
Her eyes met his. "What about the drinks?" There was something uncharacteristically solemn about him tonight, a focus of intensity that was unlike his mostly easygoing personality. It made her jumpy, anxious and a tiny bit afraid. What did he expect?  
He simply smiled at her and she wrapped her fingers around his hand.

Jude felt a hand wrap around her wrist, tugging her to a stop when she had barely gotten inside the ballroom, never mind giving her a chance to look around for a familiar face.  
Sadie let go and crossed her own arms over her chest. "Where have you been?! Chris has been looking for you," she hissed at her sister, as her eyes scanned their surroundings to make sure Chris wasn't nearby. After the initial relief at finding Jude had faded, Sadie took a closer look at her, from the flushed cheeks not hidden by foundation and the slightly mussed hair. "Jude, what were you…" She couldn't finish the question because she knew she didn't really want the answer that was staring her in the face. How much could one person trust another, the way Chris did Jude?  
Jude heard disappointment in her sisters' voice, whether it was truly there or not. She had already been asking herself over and over how she could have done what she had.

_Twenty minutes earlier_

As she shut the door behind her, he looked up from drying his hands at the last fancy marble sink at the countertop. With an eyebrow quirked, he threw away the paper towel. "Um I think you took a wrong turn in Albuquerque," he said in wry amusement, turning to face her.  
She did not respond to his humor, instead her bottom lip went between her teeth. "Do you like her-more than me?" She had watched from a distance, Tommy and Sadie flirting, for what seemed like hours tonight. Instead of mingling and talking business, Tommy had appeared to be the perfect attentive date. She wondered what they talked about, wondered if they mentioned her at all or if they even remembered the one who had introduced them in the first place.  
His face immediately closed off as he took in the defiant tilt of her chin.  
"You don't own me," he replied with a slight edge, "don't forget you have a boyfriend."  
Jude tried to keep her face neutral, but she could not help but look away, unable to maintain eye contact. "I know…" She couldn't lie to herself and pretend that it had ever been easy, but now it seemed harder to not want more from him.  
"Then what's the problem?" he asked testily, hating being backed into a corner.  
"It's just," she looked up at him again. "She's my sister Tommy." Her big eyes pleaded for understanding. At that moment she looked like the relatively inexperienced seventeen year old, she was.  
Softening, knowing he had made his point, he walked over to her spot beside the door. He took in the dress and the long bare legs, letting the back of his hand grace her soft cheek. "Right now-I only want you." Using his larger size he backed her easily against the counter. He leaned in and let his lips graze her parted mouth. Fingers that had itched to tangle in her golden locks, did so now, holding her head in place. His lips brushed against the corner of her mouth next, and trailed lower to press hotly against her neck.  
When she felt the hand at her knee she didn't think much about it, except to enjoy the extra contact, at least until his fingers slid higher. At this point his lips had once again found hers. "What are you doing?" she pulled back breathlessly to ask.  
She felt his knuckles now pressing against her satin panties. "Tommy we can't-not here." Her flesh felt overheated where she felt the contact, separated by only the flimsy material.  
He was too busy brushing his lips against her bare shoulder to respond. The hand that he had in her hair, slid down across her bare back to stay at her waist.  
She thought he had finally heard her when he stepped back, but he merely reached past her to the deadbolt on the door. She could only stare into his face, when she felt his hands at her hips, lifting her onto the countertop.  
Protest died an inevitable death once he met her lips like he meant it. She got her hands underneath his suit jacket and he helped her push it off to land, unnoticed, on the floor.  
Her dress hiked well above her thighs as he pressed his body between them. It was an exaggeration to say that all panties could be easily torn off without damage to the person wearing them, but Jude's were barely more than a few strings and a tiny triangle of fabric, so she barely felt the absence or noticed the scrap flutter to the floor. She did notice when his hands left her body for a minute, but the feeling of his mouth against hers, distracted her enough for her not to wonder. And then there it was, that hard insistent pressure, probing at her entrance. His hands had moved underneath her knees to tilt her back and hold her wide. And then he was gliding in, stretching her tight inner muscles.  
She had to pull back her head to gasp at the sensation, at the sudden sharp thrust and he buried himself deep, hitting her g-spot in the process. Her fingers dug into his shoulders, trying to hang on, trying in vain to meet his next thrust as her ass slid on the cold marble. Her heels dug into the back of his thighs to gain purchase as Tommy pulled back only to plunge into her slick depths again.  
Need already had her clenching him tightly inside her, and the sudden shock of how quickly it came upon her was overshadowed by the feeling of his body pressed to hers.  
The noise of someone trying to open the door, only made them pause a beat, and the knock merely spurred them on. If anything the intensity was raised another notch as he bent his knees to drive higher, as deep as he could go.  
It was that sudden spike of added adrenalin at the fear of discovery that sent Jude hurtling towards the edge. The rub of his skin against hers was just the smallest bit rough, the friction pushing her over. She barely realized how tightly she clenched him with her entire body and he did not protest the way her legs twined around his thighs as if she was a vine growing from where they joined. The strength of her gripping muscles drove a yell from his lips as his own release slammed into him unawares.  
Their lips were a mere hairsbreadth apart, and the only sound that disturbed the room was the harshness of their synchronized breathing.

"Maybe you should get a cool drink," Sadie suggested, watching the growing flush on her sisters' cheeks with a strange kind of fascination. She didn't remember ever seeing her blush before, despite her fair coloring. She followed Jude's gaze, that had immediately zeroed in on the dark haired man who had finally reentered the ballroom.  
"What?" Jude asked absentmindedly, her attention riveted on the man who was responsible for the aftershocks still racking her body.  
"Jude," Sadie said a little more forcefully, finally getting her attention. "You look-guilty." She more than suspected what Jude had been up to and with whom, she wasn't stupid.  
"I-"  
"Hey you," his deep voice was followed by warm arms wrapping around her stomach from behind. "Did Sadie tell you I was looking for you?"  
Jude's eyes shot to Sadie's, even as she wondered if her sister was right. Was it written all over her face?  
"Uh yeah, I just…"  
"She went outside to get some air," Sadie chimed in, even as she winced inwardly. As excuses went it wasn't very original, but it didn't look like Jude could come up with anything better, if she even had anything at all.  
"I think the champagne kinda went to my head," Jude added. He knew she wasn't really used to drinking.  
"You okay?" he asked immediately.  
"Sure." Jude nodded, turning partway in his arms to smile up at him, praying she looked convincing.

_Monday night_

Jude closed the kitchen door as quietly as she could, not wanting to have to explain to her father where she was going. She didn't think he would buy that she had no destination in mind, that she just needed to get out, to drive and to get a hold of her scattered thoughts and all the feelings jumbled inside her. She was so disoriented she couldn't even write and that had never happened to her before, not even after the accident.  
The events of Saturday were a constant repeating reel in her head. The thought of the bathroom still had the power to make her breathless. She wondered how both of them were, having not talked to either one of them since that night, not that she had done much talking with Tommy on Saturday either.  
She had been screening her calls since then, unable to listen to Chris's voice and predictably Tommy hadn't called her even once.  
She rolled down the windows and sped along the city streets, glad of the light traffic this late at night. Her hand went to the old school radio dial and she tuned to another station. The song was just ending, something by The Rolling Stones she couldn't place at that moment, and something she rarely heard on the radio came on. The opening guitar was pretty and slow, so different from the original, but when the lyrics started she had to pull over, the urge to close her eyes too strong to ignore. It was hard to believe this version by The Fray had been an incarnation of a Kanye West tune.

_In the night, hear 'em talk_  
_Coldest story ever told_  
_Somewhere far along this road_  
_Lost his soul, to a woman so heartless_  
_How could you be so heartless_

It was as if he was talking straight to her, as if this was some sign, that the universe didn't approve. But even now her thoughts wandered back…

_"Your opinion on covers?"_  
_"Copout," she answered instantly. They sat on his couch after eating takeout, listening to the radio._  
_"Johnny Cash did Hurt. You can't say he didn't pay his dues." Tommy mentioned the Nine Inch Nails song Johnny Cash had covered._  
_ She nodded her head in concession. "Okay, maybe some people can do it legitimately. But Johnny already had like fifty albums."_  
_ Tommy shook his head and grinned at her. "You never give in, do you?"_  
_ She shrugged. "I haven't found a good reason to yet." And when she met his eyes she thought she saw something there she understood, she finally started to believe maybe he cared, more than a little._

It was a small moment, simple and casual, but why did she remember being so happy? Jude shook her head and the song intruded once again, shoving pins into her already hurting heart.

_How could you be so cold_  
_As the winter wind when it breezes yo_

Of course this song wasn't written for her, it wasn't her situation, but she felt the hate, the scorn, felt the hurt he would feel if he found out the truth. He would hate her and she didn't know if she could deal with that. She knew Sadie had wanted to ask how she could cheat, but Jude still didn't have an answer.

_In the night, hear 'em talk_  
_Coldest story ever told_  
_Somewhere far along this road_  
_Lost his soul, to a woman so heartless_  
_How could you be so heartless_

This was the moment, the very instant, Jude Harrison broke for the second time in her young life. Her hands gripped the steering wheel until her knuckles were white, inner turmoil making her deaf and blind to any outside influence and she lowered her head, until her forehead touched the cold leather.


	21. Chapter 21

****Music is "I'm not an angel " by Halestorm

**Chapter Twenty One**

She hid among the shadows, staring into over-bright lights as the band on the stage finished their last song. It wasn't in her to worry about what came next, because her personal life was that overwhelming.  
She had done it before, tried to distance herself from her boyfriend without good explanation, but this time she threw a strength of will, a purpose that she had lacked before, into it. He was better off without her, she knew that even if he didn't yet, but at the same time she had made a promise that she could not ignore. And she wasn't ready to lose Chris, wasn't ready to be alone again even if she knew what she had been doing was wrong. But she couldn't seem to face him either, so she made excuses to avoid him, which of course wasn't fair, not that anything she had done so far was. And the one time they had gotten together this week she had been withdrawn and unable to act normal, even though she never protested being in his arms.

He was laidback, but no one ever accused him of being dense and she knew he sensed something was going on with her. But all she could feel was more guilt at the irrational anger that bubbled up at him for not getting the hint, for not guessing that she wasn't the good person he seemed to think she was. She was angry that he could trust her unconditionally. How screwed up was that? She thought smiling mirthlessly.  
She could only think it was ironic that heartbreak really was the best source of inspiration and she blinked back to the present as she prepared to sing in front of a crowd of strangers. Even now she had to actively tamp down the impulse to wonder what Tommy would say about her new song.

"Are you ready?" Spied gave her his adorable puppy dog grin and she responded with one of her own, feeling more lighthearted than she had in a while.  
Jude nodded and watched as he, Kyle and Wally walked onto the small raised stage.  
It was Thursday night, the start of the weekend for a lot of people, at least those who liked to party and they were in Iris, a club that required I.D. to get into. They had an open mic night that bands could audition to play in and they weren't hardcore enough that Jude had to worry any of Chris's friends would show up. There were quite a few groups going on tonight, each allowed a three song set, but Jude barely noticed the other musicians in the crowd.  
Jude watched as the music started, listening for the noise to die down, because that was usually the indication of whether they liked the band. This was Spiederman Mind Explosion's gig, but her friends had convinced her to join them for one of her own songs. She hadn't been able to refuse because she needed to get it out, needed to let her own personal demons escape without anyone judging her.  
She smiled, knowing her friends had the audience, and she wasn't even nervous about going on next. There was too much going on in her life to worry about this. She just wanted to sing.

The dark club was crowded as he entered after paying the cover. He had never been to this place before, but the layout was pretty standard for a small night club. It was dark and the lights were hazy, even though smoking was banned and he was wondered if they had a smoke machine somewhere. He saw Spiederman on the stage, finishing his song before he introduced a friend. And there she was, looking gorgeous and confident and like she had done this a million times before. He didn't move forward, merely stayed by the bar as the notes opened to a song he had never heard.  
When Spied had told him to show up here, he had learned that she had been holding things back from him, had been writing and singing her own music again. But he also knew this was a sign of something bigger that was wrong. Did she not trust him? They had gotten into a fight the other day, after he had confronted her at her school after classes. She hadn't been able to hide her flash of annoyance at seeing him there and it had pissed him off. He had asked her straight out if she wanted to break up, but she had denied it, apologized and clung to him. It was damn confusing, the way she was these days, pushing and pulling, like some lame pop song. Chris stopped thinking though, when he heard her powerful voice jump into the music.

_You made a mistake_  
_On the day that you met me and lost your way_

The noise in the club tapered off as they started to hear the scratchy, seductive voice croon through the speakers. Even if they did not know it yet, they would soon learn they were present for something special. Her hands gripped the stand as she sang into the microphone, her eyes going out into the crowd, her very presence mesmerizing. He had always sensed she could be an amazing performer, and here was his proof.

_You saw all the signs_  
_But you let it go_  
_You closed your eyes_  
_I should've told you to leave_  
_Cause I knew all the time you couldn't handle me_  
_But you're hard to resist_  
_When you're on your knees_  
_Begging me_

There must have been a fan somewhere off the stage, because her hair blew around, adding to the allure of her as the picture of a classic female rocker.

_I'll tear you down_  
_I'll make you bleed eternally_  
_Can't help myself_  
_From hurting you when it's hurting me_  
_I don't have wings_  
_So flying with me won't be easy_  
_Cause I'm not an angel_  
_I'm not an angel_

_Hate being that wall_  
_That you hit when you feel like you gave it all_  
_I keep taking the blame_  
_When we both know that I'll never change_

_I'll tear you down_  
_I'll make you bleed eternally_  
_Can't help myself_  
_From hurting you when it's hurting me_  
_I don't have wings_  
_So flying with me won't be easy_  
_Cause I'm not an angel_  
_I'm not an angel_

_I wasn't always this way_  
_I used to be the one with the halo_  
_But that disappeared when I had my first taste_  
_And fell from grace_  
_It left me in this place_  
_I'm starting to think maybe you like it_

Chris wasn't stupid, knew from the first line that he had to listen carefully to this song. Whether or not she was actually singing to him, he now strongly suspected it was about him. His fingers balled into fists as he continued his careful scrutiny of the woman on stage. What deep dark secret was she hiding?

_I'll tear you down_  
_I'll make you bleed eternally_  
_Can't help myself_  
_From hurting you when it's hurting me_  
_I don't have wings_  
_so flying with me won't be easy_  
_Cause I'm not an angel_  
_I'm not an angel_  
_I'm not an angel_  
_I'm not an angel_  
_I'm not an angel_  
_I'm not an angel_

Although his friend had been awesome, Spiederman looked on her with concern, because at the end it had sounded like her voice was about to break from too much-something. He wanted to ask her what was wrong, but knew she wouldn't tell him until she was ready. Jude had always been stubborn that way, only sharing on her own schedule. All he knew was that JC had something to do with her unhappiness and that made him angry for her. He had thought the older man was good for his buddy, but lately she had lost the brilliant spark that had started to light her eyes and since her parents had checked out long ago, he could only assume relationship problems were the cause.

Jude barely heard the applause, the catharsis of the song bringing everything to the surface and after brief hugs with her friends she hurried off the platform with her guitar in hands. In that moment, the music had chased everything else away and a smile came to her lips.

"Jude," he said forcefully, loud enough to carry his voice past the din of the patrons.  
And she turned at the feel of a hand on her arm. "Chris." It was her worst fear made real, and she flinched imperceptibly. Later she might feel the relief at finally getting found out, but right now her body was simply taut with tension.  
"Tell me what's going on." And even among all the noise, she could hear the forceful command in his voice that she would never have guessed him capable of, towards her. "What the hell Jude?! That song-If you have something to tell me…Just do it."  
"I can't-not here," she shook her head, trying to delay the inevitable, her eyes darting to her friends as they drew closer.  
"Fine," he snapped out, his eyes burning into her face, letting go of her arm, flinging his hand away.  
She felt the absence of his warmth acutely, a foreshadowing of the future she feared. "I'll come by the house tomorrow."  
He shrugged and stared at her. "Alright."  
There was no more time to say more because the band had caught up to them. She could only watch as he gave a casual greeting and goodbye before walking away.

"How did Chris know?" she asked Spied when she caught him studying her face. Wally was talking to his girlfriend and Kyle was hanging out with another band from school.  
"I told him," Spied admitted. He hadn't missed the tense situation between Jude and JC.  
"Why did you tell him to come Vin?"  
"He asked me if I knew what was going on with you. I told him you had a song, 'cuz you're not happy Jude-in the beginning with him you were. You smiled all the time and you laughed and you started to sing again."  
Jude closed her eyes, wondering at what point it had gone so wrong, gone to a place they couldn't make everything okay again. "It wasn't him Bart," she whispered as her shadowed lids opened to pierce him with her blue eyed gaze. "It was me. I ruined everything," she admitted.  
Her good friend scoffed at her pronouncement. "I know you Lisa. What could you have done that was so bad?"  
"Did you even listen to the lyrics of the song?" she asked incredulously. It was true that she didn't come out and say what she had done, but it was clear she was taking the blame for her actions.  
"Well kind of. You've been so unhappy, I figured it had to be JC." He had heard the pain in her singing, not the meaning in the words.  
Jude shook her head again. She had never been good at sharing the bad stuff in her life. She didn't want to know how her friend would view her if she told him the truth. "I can't do this right now-I gotta go." She picked up her guitar case from against the wall.  
"Dude are you okay?"  
The concern she could hear in his voice made any residual anger at his interference fade away. She gave him a quick hug before making her excuses to leave too.

With Jude gone, the high of performing couldn't keep Spied from thinking about her song. There weren't any specifics except what sounded like an admission of guilt.

* * *

Almost as soon as she had knocked on the door it opened, telling her he had been waiting for her arrival. Jude stepped back before he could ask her to go inside. She put her hands in the back pockets of her jeans in a nervous gesture, staring up at him from underneath her lashes. "Hey."  
Chris closed the door behind him, his face set in an implacable expression staring at her, not saying anything as he studied her face. "So you're singing again."

The reprieve managed to make her feel worse, because even now he didn't want her to feel bad, even though he knew she had hidden something big from him.  
"A little while. I just…You were right about me. I missed it."  
"I'm glad-You were great. I knew you would be."  
She shook her head in protest. "Chris…I…"  
"I need to know what's going on with you Jules."  
Her nickname on his lips was a heart-shot and she flinched. She could have started with excuses to soften the truth, but that had never been her way. He deserved honesty, the figurative ripping off of the bandage. "I'm so sorry."  
"About what?" Dread coursed through his veins, mixed with disbelief that she could have done anything serious enough to apologize for.  
The pupils of her big blue eyes were dilated as she looked at him straight on. "There was a guy," she stated simply, not giving away how hard these words were for her to say.  
"A guy," he said emotionlessly, even as he took in the full impact of her seemingly innocuous words. "Did you fuck him?"  
She winced at the swear, not because she had never heard him curse before, but because she knew she was the reason he did so now. She nodded hesitantly watching his clenched fists with morbid fascination as he raised one hand to strike the railing.  
"What guy?! Who is he?" he asked angrily through gritted teeth.  
"Just someone I know from school." The lie tripped more easily from her lips than she had thought possible, probably because that was the one truth that wasn't only hers to tell.  
"Just some guy…That's just fucking great." He was so filled with rage at that point it didn't occur to him to question the likelihood of her giving herself to some random person. That was not the Jude he had always known.  
"I didn't mean to hurt you."  
"Yeah, well…" He shook his head. "Get out of here."  
"Chris, please…"  
"No," he said firmly, turning away from her to put his hand on the doorknob.  
"Chris," she said a little more desperately even as he opened the door. She didn't have it in her to say anything more, simply watched as he entered the house and shut her out.

* * *

Tommy watched as the members of Cipher Saints walked into the studio. "Where's JC?"  
Bodie simply smirked as Justin and Trey shared a look, before Justin answered, "he's taking some personal time. Darius already cleared it."  
If he had been a woman it would have been easy to ask more, but since he wasn't he only nodded. "How long?"  
Trey shrugged. "Few days, maybe the weekend."  
"Alright," Tommy sighed running his fingers through his coiffed hair. His thoughts ran, wondering about Jude once again. Even though he had consciously not contacted her, she hadn't been out of his mind. "I need to get something from my office. Give me five and we'll start laying down some tracks."  
He left them to set up and took his Blackberry out as soon as he cleared the studio. He shut the office door behind him as he listened to the ring. Tommy stared down at the phone as if in shock when it kicked him to voicemail.


	22. Chapter 22

****music is Walk Away by Five Finger Death Punch

**Chapter Twenty Two**

Jude couldn't help herself, even though she knew she was the last person he wanted to hear from, she left him messages daily. It made her feel slightly stalkerish, but she didn't mind, because she needed to know he was okay. She also just wanted to hear his voice, to hear the he could forgive her, because that idea that she would never speak to him again scared her more than she had expected. Maybe that was the overabundant experience with loss she had already faced, talking. She wasn't a shrink to analyze herself.

There had been a text from Tommy in the midst of her frantic attempts to talk to Chris, but Tommy had only wanted to know if she knew where Chris had gone and why. After she had texted back that she didn't exactly know, which she was very well aware was stretching the truth, Tommy had not replied. Instead of being upset at Tommy's lack of communication, she had been secretly relieved because she didn't want to tell him that she had finally done the right thing. Jude suspected she would lose what little was between herself and Tommy once the truth of Chris's reasons for taking off, came to light.

When the call came Sunday night Jude had thought she would be prepared, but it was bad, worse than she could have imagined, harsher than she had hoped.

"I'm so sorry," she got out as soon as she heard he had picked up the phone.  
There was a momentary silence before his voice came on. "Don't."  
"I feel so awful Chris. I just needed to hear from you. I need to know you're okay," she rushed on.  
She heard a heavy sigh before he replied. "I can't be that guy for you anymore Jude. I can't be there for you."  
"Chris please."  
"You cheated on me, you fucked some other guy and lied about it."  
"I never meant to hurt you." She knew the words were trite, overplayed and useless to fix the pain she had caused. Words could never absolve her.  
"Was it more than once?"  
She sucked in an almost choking gulp of air. "Y-Yeah…" She had never felt this small in her life, so helpless. She knew there was no defense for her actions, for her multiple lies. There was a muffled thump in the background of his end, as if he had thrown something or perhaps punched something.  
"All those times you pulled away…" he trailed off, seeing the truth in the spaces, the real reason she withdrew. "How long?"  
"Chris, please…" she found herself begging, even though she had promised herself once that she would never beg for anyone's affection again.  
"How long?!" he reiterated in a sharp voice that made her jump.  
"I don't know-A few months…" she whispered barely loud enough for him to hear.  
"Just some guy…" he murmured her own words back at her. "Bullshit," he said viciously, "who is he?"  
Maybe Tommy didn't deserve her loyalty, but she still gave it freely, never examining too closely why she did it so willingly. "No one." The falseness of her answer echoed across the line, almost tangible in its deceit.  
"You lying bitch. You played me all this time, didn't you?" And strangely the words that had been burning on his tongue, made him feel no better once released. He hung up in disgust, whether that feeling was aimed at himself or her he could not distinguish. Right then he was too angry to care.

***

* * *

The lead singer for The Cypher Saints showed up on a Tuesday morning, his band following, looking grim, but also focused as he headed towards the studio. There were dark shadows under his vivid eyes, and his brown hair was in the kind of disarray only many sleepless nights could provide. He had come home the night before and showed his band the music for the new song he had written. No one had as yet been privy to the words that went along with this slightly edgy rock song. Bodie had been glad that it wasn't the soft crap JC had been coming up with his little girlfriend and it had a sweet little guitar solo perfect for him. Justin and Trey had simply looked concerned, waiting for their buddy to finally come clean about what was going on.  
JC slammed down into the swivel chair beside Tommy as his band set up inside the sound booth.  
"Hey," Tommy said, subtly studying the other man. He was not used to asking after others, rarely involved himself in someone else's issues and he did not start now.  
"Hey," JC replied, not even bothering to turn his head for the greeting.

After finally laying down the track to JC's unusually choosy demands, he was the one to stand in the sound booth while the rest of the band, Tommy, and Kwest, their engineer watched through the glass as the music filled the room.

_I'm sorry for the demon I've become_  
_You should be sorry for the angel you are not_  
_I apologize for the cruel things that I did_  
_But I don't regret one single word I said_

_Just walk away make it easy on yourself_  
_Just walk away please release me from this hell_  
_Just walk away there's just nothing left to feel_  
_Just walk away pretend that none of this is real_

_Could you forgive me if I told you that I cared?_  
_Would you be sorry if I swore that I'd be there?_  
_Please forgive me for laughing when you fall_  
_I'm so sorry but I never cared at all_

_Just walk away make it easy on yourself_  
_Just walk away please release me from this hell_  
_Just walk away there's just nothing left to feel_  
_Just walk away pretend that none of this is none of this is_

_Just walk away make it easy on us both_  
_Just walk away there was never any hope_  
_Just walk away you already know the deal_  
_Just walk away, pretend that none of this was, none of this was real _

It was rough and he was singing from a spot of too much anger to make a playable take, but-they all knew there was something, chemistry, magic, that perfect blending that only some songs ever accomplished. And it looked like that one unusable recording was all that their singer could produce right then. His hands gripped the mic and he just panted, staring into nothing.

"Did he say anything to you?" Trey asked Justin who shook his head 'no', the rest of the group strangely quiet as their thoughts wandered to the girl who was usually a fixture at the studio whenever her boyfriend was around.  
The uncomfortable silence lasted a few beats longer before anyone spoke again. "Sounds like our boy finally figured out his girl's been stepping out on him with Saint Tommy." Bodie had said it offhandedly, not really having a plan for JC to hear him, but as it was with twisted fate, JC had opened the door before he had spoken. Bodie was disappointed that he hadn't been the first one to bring it up to JC, but seeing the reaction on the guy's face right now was almost as good.  
"What did you say?!" He growled at his band mate.  
Bodie raised his hands palms out. "She didn't tell you huh? I told you she wasn't worth your time."  
Then JC's eyes immediately swung to Tommy, his expression twisted and unfathomable. "You?!"  
The other man stood from his chair, his face a mask. "Chris man, it's not-" And he realized he had already started off with the wrong thing and they both knew it. Chris. She was the only one that ever called him Chris.  
"You son of a bitch!" It came out as a raw growl as he rushed Tommy, the others having hastily scattered out of the way. It was not a huge room with so many bodies in it, but the rest of them managed to avoid the impending fight. It was strange that no one thought to stop the inevitable, but maybe it was because the news seemed too personal for any of them or they were simply shocked at the idea of Jude cheating with Tommy. In JC's place not one of them would have wanted interference from another, no matter how well meaning.  
The blow aimed at his head could hardly be called a surprise, but Tommy was still slow to attempt to deflect it. Maybe it was his own guilty conscience interfering with his instinctual self preservation. He did managed to stumble back a half step and the punch only grazed the side of his face.  
Rage must have made the other man even quicker because the next thing Tommy knew, before he had even recovered from the first attack, he was being knocked against the soundboard. His back scraped the controls as the edge of the table caught him at the waist. Tommy might have had a boy band image to live down, but the truth was he hadn't come from a white picket fence kind of place and he knew how to hold his own. His own fist flew out with a Roundhouse, and caught JC on his chin. It was enough to get the other man off Tommy, but not nearly enough to stop him.  
It was strange that no one seemed eager to separate the two men, but it was simply that the ones who cared were stunned by the whole scenario and the one that didn't care was too amused to stop the action.  
Even Kwest who should have been impartial couldn't help feeling that his friend deserved what he got for fooling around with Jude.  
Like most fights the moments seemed interminable, but in reality probably lasted only a matter of minutes. After a few more moments of grappling, a punch that did land on Tommy's right eye, a split lip for JC, it was finally too much when things started to get damaged. JC's elbow crashed into the glass sliding door and then someone's can of Coke managed to fly onto the soundboard, drenching the expensive piece of equipment.  
The once observers only managed to get the two men apart after the studio laptop had also swept onto the floor in the melee, an ominous crunch ignored. When it appeared they had both calmed down some, grips were slackened as Bodie saw JC's eyes clear. "Man I told you she wasn't worth it-she's just a little skank like all the others."  
JC observed his friend for a moment, making Bodie uncomfortable. "You knew." It was a statement, not a question and the rage that they all thought had dissipated reared its' ugly head once again as the guitarist grunted at the fist in his gut.  
Before another flat out brawl could take place a booming voice made them all jump. "What the Hell is going on?!" Darius Mills exclaimed loudly as his dark eyes took in the chaos in the room.  
Bodie dropped the fist he had been ready to use, while Kwest managed to pull Tommy as far away from the band as he could, but none of them had an immediate answer.

* * *

Jude looked down at the phone that was playing her ringtone and she bit her lip apprehensively. Was she ready to have this conversation? 


	23. Chapter 22 part 2

**Chapter 22- Part 2**

Of course she wasn't ready, had almost let the feeling of helplessness consume her, but as much as she wanted to avoid this call, she knew very well she had to know. "Hey," she said softly into the receiver.  
"Hey boy-band lover."  
Jude could only let out a choked laugh, completely surprised that that was what he led with. He had managed to relieve some of her worry and tell her how much he knew with that simple sentence. He didn't hate her. She wasn't sure if she could have taken another person hating her. "I am not a boy-band lover."  
"Oh sorry, my bad. I meant boy-banders lover."  
"There was only one…" she replied in a smaller voice, the topic not quite so funny anymore, not that it ever really was. Ever since Tommy had sent her a text to accuse her of telling Chris about them, she had found very little reason to smile.  
"Tommy Q? He's kind of-ancient."  
"Ha ha."  
Jess grinned to himself, totally picturing her eye roll.  
"He's only a couple of years older than your brother."  
"I didn't really believe it ya know."  
"I know…Uh how's Chris doing?" she asked hesitantly, wanting at least for him to be alright.  
"Well-That's kind of complicated. He's hanging in there." His mind was still taking in the conversation with his older brother. It would have been funny, all that stereotypical drama that was supposed to be associated with being a musician, actually happening. But of course it wasn't funny, the consequences could have been so much worse.  
"Complicated how?" Jude asked worriedly, her gut forming into an even tighter ball of tension.  
"Something happened-At the studio."  
She could tell from the unspoken words that it had to be something to do with her; why else would he mention it. "Because of me?"  
"That's where he found out who you were seeing." His answer wasn't direct, but it was a gateway to a million possibilities running rampant in her head.  
She was surprised at the additional dread coursing through her veins, she had once thought that she would remain numb forever. "Just tell me."  
"You're kind of bossy, you know that?"  
"Jess!" she said half exasperatedly, half pleadingly.  
"Alright." The pause made her want to teleport through the phone to strangle her best friend.  
But then he finally began and proceeded to tell her the events of that day as he been told them.  
"Does-Did-Chris know you're talking to me?" Sometimes she hated that spark of hope that refused to burn out.  
"He said it was alright." Jess had never really thought about what kind of guy his oldest brother was until the other day and all he could do was respect the man he had become, whether or not he would ever admit it to him.  
That failed to make her feel better, but at least Chris had not tried to bar his brother from contacting her. "Are you mad at me?"  
"Jude…"  
"It's alright. You get to be. I'm mad at myself."  
"Why'd you do it then?" It was easy to take his brother's side, but he owed her more than petty emotion. It startled him, how grown up he felt in that moment. When the hell had that happened?  
"I had to know what it was like-To be with him." She didn't need to say who 'he' was.  
"Why?"  
_ Why?_

She sat on the front steps of her house waiting impatiently, sunning the pale legs that never seemed to gain color. Jude stood immediately as his big truck rounded the corner and she stepped onto the walkway, meeting him as he exited his vehicle.  
"Chris." Her eyes were big and dark as she stared at him in trepidation even though she had been trying to talk to him for days now. Jess had told her that his brother wanted to stop by today and she had barely slept last night, wanting the day to come more quickly. God, she had missed him so much. She wanted to wrap her arms around him and let him hold her, but his stiff posture squelched any such desire in its tracks. Instead she stood awkwardly in front of him, placing her hands nervously in her back pockets. She felt too guilty to stare at his face, which still held the signs of the infamous fight.  
"Hey…"  
"Hey…" she replied as her eyes wandered behind him to the mostly full bed of his truck.  
His gaze followed hers before returning to her face. "I'm leaving town. Me and the band anyway."  
"What?! Why?!" she exclaimed in immediate alarm. "Your contract-What…" she was so flustered she didn't know what to ask. The idea that another person in her life was leaving sucked the breath right out of her. Why hadn't Jess warned her?!  
Chris shrugged his hands in his pockets. "Relax…It's okay. Darius transferred our contract. We're heading back to Cali. I think-it'll be a better fit anyway."  
"But…Toronto's your home," she asked in confusion, her voice already laced with the pain of loss.  
Chris's eyes softened the barest bit as he stared at the girl he still loved and absolutely had to get away from. "Not anymore. My family's not here anymore."  
She cringed unconsciously and her eyes skittered from his. He had once told her she was his family.  
"I just wanted to come say goodbye Jules."  
"Chris if I could change what I did…"

The half-truth brought out his barely tamped down anger and hurt. He had not even known how short his fuse could be until this, until her. "Bull." He shook his head and stared down at her, making her feel so small. "You lied for months. If it was a one time thing maybe, but…months?!" he said incredulously. "God I can't believe you. You're a b…" he bit off that last word, but she flinched anyway, both of them knowing how that sentence should have ended.  
"It wasn't like that Chris. I swear. I didn't know…" she trailed off.  
"You didn't know?" he asked incredulously.  
How could she say it? How could she admit that she hadn't known how much Tommy would wind up meaning to her. "I didn't know how I felt about him okay? Is that what you wanted to hear? I know I screwed up. I don't want to hurt you-ever."  
"A little late for that," he practically dripped sarcasm, but she could hear that hollowness underneath.

"I'm so sorry Chris. I don't…I don't even know why I did it…I was so stupid-maybe my parents were right…I'm not worth-"  
"You're not that girl Jules." His shadowed eyes still managed to penetrate into her. "It would be easier for me if you were." If she weren't worth it, then he would have walked away without regrets.  
"What do you mean?"  
"You love him."  
She shook her head in denial. "I…" The realization hit her in a blinding rush. "I know it doesn't mean much now, but I love you Chris."  
"Not enough to sleep with me?" he said in a wistful way that let the heavy weight on he heart lift just the teensiest bit.  
Her eyes widened in horror and guilt. He was right after all-even if she had genuinely wanted him-something or maybe someone-had always stopped her from taking that step with him. "Chris-You know I can't…"  
"You already knew." He took her hands and tapped the spot over her heart. "In here. Even if your head didn't catch up."  
There was a world of regret when he let go almost immediately, the contact like their relationship, severed. She nodded her head, accepting that he was right. "Will I hear from you again?"  
He shook his head and kicked at the rough ground. "I don't know- give it some time" he said in a low, tense voice. He looked at her again before she could reply. "Let it go Jude. We're over."  
The tears seemed to erupt from behind her eyes, overflowing to spill onto her pale cheeks. She had done this, even knowing this was how it would end.  
She could only watch as he got into his truck. When he powered down the window, she foolishly stood straighter.  
"You were right about Bodie. He was an ass. We kicked him out of the band." They both pretended not to notice as she wiped away the wetness from her face.  
"What about a guitarist?"  
"Justin's brother just broke up with his band in L.A. so we'll see if he fits."  
"I'm glad-" She looked down at the grass of the sidewalk, unbearably sad, but she finally found a smile anyway. "It's gonna work out for you."  
The silence that followed was new because for the first time it was uncomfortable, until she gratefully looked up at his voice. "I know you won't ask, but Quincy-Darius suspended him."  
"Oh…"  
He nodded and took in her face one last time. "Take care of yourself Jules." She could only watch as he pulled away, hating that she no longer had the right to ask him to stay.

* * *

She slid up to him at the bar, waiting for him to notice her. He was busy talking to some brunette who was laughing a little too hard at whatever he had said. He had mentioned once that he liked to come here when he was stressed and although she had been right, she wasn't exactly happy about it. She watched his profile, taking in the messily gelled hair and the curve of his lips, memorizing everything that she hadn't seen in what felt like forever.  
When he acknowledged her presence, he merely raised an eyebrow before taking a drink from his draft beer.  
"Hey." She shook her head when the bartender asked her what she wanted to drink.  
"What do you want Jude?"  
"Can we talk?" She bit her lip as she let herself finally look him in the eyes. She nodded her head to a quieter corner and breathed a sigh of relief when he started to follow.  
He crossed his arms over his chest and spoke impatiently when she said nothing, "talk."  
"I wanted to say I'm sorry-about what happened." Her blood froze at the iciness radiating from his light eyes.  
"Why? Why'd you do it like that?" The coldness now came from his lips too.  
"I couldn't…I couldn't lie anymore Tommy."  
"And you couldn't bother to mention it to me before your boyfriend tried to knock my teeth down my throat?"  
Jude winced at his words, taking in the bruise that still stained his eye and the marred skin by his mouth.  
"I…I didn't know how to tell you."  
"Why did you say anything?"  
"Because…Because I wanted to be with you. I love you." Something clicked into place when she said those last words. Chris had known, why hadn't she, when the truth had been filling her heart for almost as long as she had known Tommy.  
If he had let himself feel, those infinitely expressive eyes of hers would have done him in. As it was, he merely firmed his jaw and glared as he said through clenched teeth, "you cost me my job. Made me lose my chance to produce the band."  
"I thought…you were only suspended," she said quietly, the hurt of his harsh tone having not hit her quite yet.  
He sneered as he looked towards her, but not actually at her. "You are so naïve. You really think Darius will give me another shot after we destroyed thousands of dollars of equipment and I lost my only artists?!" He shook his head, refusing to notice the slight tremble starting to overtake her.  
"Tommy…"  
"You are fucking poison. Just-stay away from me Jude."

Jude blinked as if he had physically hit her. She turned quickly, not wanting the strangers around them to see the tears threatening. She didn't look back, even though she wanted to, wanted to imprint his image on her retinas, not that she could ever forget him. She wanted to see if there was any ounce of softness for her, or regret for what he had said. Even now she wanted to ask if he really meant the things he said, couldn't really believe he did. He couldn't really mean it. She never felt the wetness sliding down her cheeks or noticed that her eyes had gone blurry; she simply walked-simply let the need for self preservation carry her away.

He watched her, swallowed by the crowd. It wasn't the first time she had left after he had pushed her away, but he knew in his gut, this time it would stick.


	24. Chapter 23

Music is End of Me by Apocalyptica, feat: Gavin Rossdale. And Painted On My Heart by The Cult. Thanks for reading and after this chapter there will be a jump in the timeline. Enjoy!

**Chapter 23**

He was skimming some papers at reception when his eyes suddenly lifted from the pages. He wasn't quite sure what caught his attention. The flash of long blond hair was not unusual in the space of G-Major; there was a constant stream of employees and visitors on any given day. But that small glimpse caught in his periphery caused him to pause. He thought he knew the person who had just walked into Darius's office, and yet it seemed highly unlikely. She had no reason to return here, no ties beyond the ones she had already severed. Tommy had not been back since his suspension and the band was long gone. Kwest let the absurd idea go, never one to dwell on things and turned to get to his own work.

* * *

Her life had gone back to normal-average, unremarkable, she wasn't sure which adjective fit best. It was simply going to school everyday, seeing her friends, not that she felt like hanging out with them much anymore, and then going home. Her mom had been gone for months now and her dad was busy almost all the time too. It wasn't all bad, he did try to be in her life now, but old hurts were still hard to forget. Their relationship was awkward and strained at best.  
Gone were days writing songs that would be on an album, spending time at a music studio and having an amazing boyfriend who cared what her day was like. And gone was the other guy, the one who made her feel so alive. It was like all the flavors had lost their taste and everything left was bland, unremarkable. It was good that she was too numb most of the time to notice.

Jude started to pull open her locker when a female voice called her name. She turned to see a girl, a bit taller than her, with long straight dark hair and kohl lined moss green eyes. "Um hey. Amanda right?"  
"Yeah we had bio together freshman year."  
"Right…" Jude let the puzzlement stay in her voice.  
Amanda Jones wasn't the most outgoing person, but she gave the slighter girl a small smile. "Are you still dating that singer from The Cipher Saints?"  
Jude blinked, slow to respond. "Uh no-we're not together anymore. How'd you know…"  
"I saw your show. I kept meaning to tell you, you guys were great. I didn't know you played. I saw him picking you up a few times."  
Jude nodded, not sure what else to do. She still had no idea why this girl was suddenly talking to her. "Thanks."  
"So you broke up. That explains the song at least." Amanda shifted her bag more firmly on her shoulder.  
"What song?"  
"You don't know?" Amanda exclaimed in disbelief. Her phone chose that moment to beep and she pulled it out to look at the time. "Shit I gotta go. They uh just released it. Their first single I think. Maybe we could hang sometime. Later," she said in a rush before heading towards the entrance of the school.  
Jude took her phone out of her bag and typed in the search. There were some familiar pieces, older stuff on the list, but the first one was the one she didn't know. The End of Me. She was almost afraid to hear it. Would it be good? Would it hurt to hear? Before the dread could overtake her, she dug her ear buds out of her bag and plugged them in so she could listen.

_Rosaries _  
_Left under the mattress_  
_All those memories_  
_Who could bear the witness _  
_As you slip into oblivion_  
_Use it like a weapon_  
_And I'm left to bleed_  
_Waiting for the moment_  
_When you've had your fun_  
_A loaded gun_

_Take away your broken misery_  
_I can't always erase your memory_  
_This love this love_  
_Is gonna be the end of me _  
_Everything I gave is wasted_  
_I'm the one who's suffocating_  
_This love this love_  
_Is gonna be the end of me_

_Can't resist_  
_Poisoning the message_  
_Just a narcissist_  
_Trapped inside the wreckage_  
_And the sympathy I had is gone_  
_Deadened by the ceremony_  
_Drama queen_  
_Stand behind your rampart_  
_As your kingdom falls_  
_All because_

_Take away your broken misery_  
_I can't always erase your memory_  
_This love this love_  
_Is gonna be the end of me_  
_Everything I gave is wasted_  
_I'm the one who's suffocating_  
_This love this love_  
_Is gonna be the end of me_

_Your rescue, my undo_  
_I'm not the one to save you _  
_I'm empty, completely_  
_I'm drowning in your shadow_

_Take away your broken misery_  
_I can't always erase your memory _  
_This love this love_  
_Is gonna be the end of me_  
_Everything I gave is wasted_  
_I'm the one who's suffocating_  
_This love this love_  
_Is gonna be the end of me_

_I can't chase away your ghost_  
_Inside it only grows_  
_Nothing left but misery_  
_This will be the end of me_

_All the shit that you created _  
_All the scars you celebrated_  
_Couldn't take away your pain_  
_Couldn't resurrect your name_

_This love will be the end of me_  
_This love will be the end_

She didn't even realize how heavily she was suddenly breathing, practically gasping. The noise she made drew a few stares, but she didn't notice her surroundings. He had finally found his ballad, or at least as close to a ballad as Chris was ever likely to sing again. And he proved that he hadn't needed her to create music at all. Jude swallowed hard, through the sudden lump in her throat, everything she had thrown away hitting her again. She had thought it was supposed to get easier.

It wasn't always easy to get a hold of Jess on a weekday, but somehow she managed later that afternoon. Jess wasn't really much of a phone person, but they got caught up before she couldn't hold back any longer.  
"Did you know about the song?"  
"End of Me? Yeah he sent me a copy the other day. I didn't know if you wanted to know."  
"It's fine. I just want to know-Is he okay?"  
He was unusually serious when he replied, "he's better."  
"That's something," she murmured. The last thing she wanted to hear was that she was still breaking his heart, like hers was.  
"He just needed to get it out of his system Jude. I know you get that. It wasn't really a shot at you."  
"I know." She knew in her heart that Chris was too good for petty revenge.

* * *

Jude lay on her bed staring at bare ceiling when her phone rang. She reached over to her desk to grab it and answered without looking at the screen.  
"Jules, hey."  
She sat up abruptly, her back hitting the headboard with an audible thwack as it banged against the wall. "Chris?" she whispered in shock. She had never expected to hear from him again, except through his music.  
"Jess told me you heard the song."  
"Uh yeah. It's great," she answered weakly.  
"I was going to tell you-Actually I wasn't expecting it to be the one. It just-This local station picked it up an' it kinda snowballed from there. It happened fast."  
"That's amazing for you." She missed the hesitance in his voice, too overwhelmed by actually talking to him again. "How's the album coming?"  
"We're headed for final mastering next week."  
"That's amazing," she repeated lamely. "You deserve it."  
"Look the reason I'm calling…" he paused for a long moment. "Because the song's climbing the charts right now, they want a video. We've been looking at actresses. Look I know you don't owe me anything Jude-"  
"Anything," she said abruptly. "And I do owe you Chris. Just tell me what you need and I'll do it."  
"None of the girls were right-Because they aren't you."  
"What do you want?"  
"I think I need the closure. At least that's what Justin says. He thinks he's the band shrink all of a sudden."  
She heard the awkward chuckle and swallowed at the enormity of what he asked of her. "You want me in the video?" she clarified. He couldn't have possibly meant that. She was being an idiot.  
"Yeah. Jude, I don't hate you. I don't want to be mad at you anymore. I just…"  
"I have school…You're in L.A. How?"  
"They said they could fly you out here on the weekend. You'll leave on Friday and get back Sunday."  
"Chris are you sure you want me? I don't know anything about being on camera." The idea was so ludicrous she didn't even have the natural instinct of fear hitting yet.  
"I'm sure Jules."  
"Okay."

* * *

He was closing G-Major once again, sitting on the couch in his office, an acoustic guitar in his hands. Tommy didn't notice the man who stepped through his doorway until he spoke.

_ I thought, it was just a matter of time_  
_ Till I had a hundred reasons_  
_ Not to think about you_  
_ But it's just not so_  
_ And after all this time _  
_ I still can't let go_  
_ I still got your face…_

"Oh man would you stop with the songs!" Kwest groaned. "They're good, but just pick a damn different theme could ya?"  
Tommy's fingers stilled on the strings and he glared up at his friend, his face not reflecting the uneasiness he felt at being caught. "What?"  
"If you're still thinking about her, why don't you call her or something?"  
"You don't know what you're talking about." Tommy rolled his eyes and placed the guitar on the coffee table before standing up. "The song's not about anyone."  
"Right," Kwest scoffed, "whatever. Your sudden prolific songwriting, after years of bricks, has nothing to do with anyone."  
"Was there something you wanted?" Tommy said with his back to his friend as he reached for his leather jacket on the back of his office chair.  
"Get a drink?"  
"Yeah." Tommy shut off the lights to his office and closed the door behind them, stepping into the dim hallway.

* * *

Tommy stopped the recording and spoke into the microphone. "You got it."  
Walt took his headphones off and grinned at Tommy through the glass of the sound booth. "One more song and we're done." He opened the sliding door and joined his producer at the soundboard.  
"Do you have anything in mind?" Tommy asked after listening to the play through. "Darius will probably want a ballad," he warned, remembering the last band he had produced.  
"Mmm I don't. What about you? That magic book of yours must have something in it." Walt nodded his head toward the spare chair in the corner behind them where a black leather bound journal lay.  
Tommy froze for a moment, the songs in there deluging his brain, before he forced himself to relax. "Let me look through it and get back to you."  
"I'd like to hear something of yours Tommy. Thank you for all this. You're a great producer. I'm glad I listened to-" Walt cut himself off, realizing what he had been about to admit.  
Tommy turned his head back to Walt, having been distracted by the laptop in front of him. "It's been phenomenal working with a band of your caliber. Thank you for the experience."  
"The feeling's mutual Tommy." They clasped hands briefly.  
"Did you say something about listening to someone?"  
It was Walt's turn to hesitate. "It was nothing, just uh my gut instinct about you."  
"Thanks again for giving me the chance Walt. I don't know if Darius would have given me my job back if you hadn't asked for me."  
"No problem. Now just give me that ballad and we can finish this sucker."

_I thought you'd be out of my mind_  
_And I'd finally found a way to learn to live without you_  
_I thought it was just a matter of time_  
_Till I had a hundred reasons not to think about you_

_But it's just not so_  
_And after all this time, I still can't let go_

_I've still got your face_  
_Painted on my heart_  
_Scrawled upon my soul_  
_Etched upon my memory, baby_

_I've got your kiss _  
_Still burning on my lips_  
_The touch of my fingertips_  
_This love so deep inside of me, baby_

_I've tried everything that I can_  
_To get my heart to forget you_  
_But it just can't seem to_

_I guess it's just no use_  
_In every part of me_  
_Is still a part of you_

_And I've still got your face_  
_Painted on my heart_  
_Scrawled upon my soul_  
_Etched upon my memory, baby_

_I've got your kiss_  
_Still burning on my lips_  
_The touch of her fingertips_  
_This love so deep inside of me, baby_

_I've still got your face_  
_Painted on my heart_  
_Painted on my heart_  
_Painted on my heart, oh baby_

_Something in your eyes keeps haunting me_  
_I'm trying to escape you_  
_And I know there ain't no way to_  
_To chase you from my mind_

_I've still got your face_  
_Painted on my heart_  
_Scrawled upon my soul_  
_Etched upon my memory baby_

_I've got your kiss _  
_Still burning on my lips_  
_The touch of my fingertips_  
_This love so deep inside of me, baby_

_I've still got your face_  
_I've still got your face_  
_Painted on my heart_  
_Painted on my heart_

"Good job Walt," Tommy said through the microphone one last time. The whole band was gathered here, and they all entered the sound booth to congratulate one another.  
Walt walked into the empty control room, save Tommy and sat down beside the younger man. "It's thanks to you that we're done."  
"I didn't-"  
"Tom," Walt stopped him. "You gave us this great song and you produced the hell out of this album. Take some credit man."  
Tommy nodded. "Thanks."  
"I've been meaning to ask. This song- the woman who inspired it must have been something huh? Did you ever get her back?" Walt wasn't more curious than the average guy, but he was observant enough to notice how Tommy held himself apart, didn't join in their current celebration and he sensed it had to do with this song, or rather the reasons behind this song.  
"No. We haven't been in touch. It's been too long." Tommy couldn't hide that slight hint of emotion in his voice.  
"I'm not going to preach to you Tommy. I have two ex-wives to prove I'd be talking out of my ass." They shared a laugh before Walt continued. "All I'm going to say is-Regret-It never gets easier to live with."

* * *

She was still among the chaos of her fellow classmates as the last graduation cap fell to the earth. It was funny, she thought she would only feel relief at it being over, but instead a wave of bittersweet pervaded her. It was strange, because her high school experience hadn't exactly been the most pleasant, but-she realized she would miss some of it. Jude finally joined the chaos when she felt the arms of her friends wrapping around her, forcing her to laugh as they stumbled into the folding chairs.

Jude once again found herself standing alone, her dad talking to another parent with Sadie who was flirting with what must have been one of her classmates older brother's.  
"Congratulations Jude."  
She turned at the familiar voice, a huge smile finally lighting her face. "Walt! You came! I thought you were still-" She hadn't heard much from him since he had an album deadline looming, but once in a while he still managed to check in. It had comforted her to know that it didn't have to be family, at least not blood, that would always be there.  
"Finished last week." He held out his arms for a hug and kept his arm around her shoulders when they pulled back. "It's good to see you Jude."  
"You too."  
"So graduate, what are your plans now?" A slow smile graced his craggy face.  
Jude shrugged and smiled back. "I have no idea."


	25. Chapter 24

**Chapter 24**

**Painted On My Heart Part II: Jar of Hearts**

Empty ice cream cups sat on a dark wood coffee table along with two pairs of Converse clad feet. They slouched back on the surprisingly comfortable couch, his arm resting behind her shoulders. Their eyes faced forward to the television that was usually hidden in the cabinet. The minute the video switched on she tumbled into the past, the place she had been over a year ago.

_ There was no familiar face at the airport, which was a relief and a disappointment all wrapped up in nerves, fear, guilt, and many unnamed emotions that sat heavy in her gut. They had sent Evan, one of his labels' interns to do the job and she welcomed his stoic demeanor as he led her to the car. He told her that Chris was in the middle of some interviews and hadn't been able to get away._  
_ Evan led her past the lobby of Crown Records and into what appeared to be a conference room to wait. When Chris showed up ten minutes later, she stood up abruptly. He stopped about four feet from her, and they were both awkward, unsure. She felt his eyes as he examined her appearance, her newly shortened hair, hoping he wouldn't ask. _  
_ "Jules," he finally said and reached in for a hug where elbows bumped and his chin grazed her shoulder. They pulled apart quickly and Jude folded her arms across her chest. "Thanks for being here."_  
_ "Anytime," she replied sincerely._  
_ They continued to stare at one another silently until Chris shook his head and snorted. "This is just sad," he commented on their unease. He reached out and put his arm around her shoulder. "Come on, let's get some coffee," he said in a semblance of his old self as he led her out the door._

_ Jude took a large sip from the paper cup in her hands, as she waited for his reaction. He was the first person she had told, about what she had done. Somehow it had come spewing out of her mouth when he had asked her if she had been in contact with Tommy after his suspension. The only thing she had managed to withhold was the night at the bar. That was still too raw to talk about. His silence already made the nerves, that she had never gotten rid of, jump back into the forefront. _  
_ "So let me get this straight. You went to Darius Mills to trade Walt Havoc for Tommy's job. And you actually managed to convince Walt to go along with it." His analysis of her rambling story was succinct, straight to the point. Even if Jude had never thought about it that way before, so she merely nodded, eliciting a long sigh from him. It wasn't exactly like she had had to convince Walt of anything. He had been ready to come out of retirement or his 'fifteen year vacation' as he put it._  
_ "Does he know it was you?" he asked, she under no illusion who Chris was referring to._  
_ Jude pursed her lips and raised the coffee to her lips once again, just to delay her answer. She swallowed and looked down at the cup she placed back on the café table. "No-I don't want him to know." She hadn't done it to get him to remember her or anything._  
_ "Jules…" The softness in his voice almost broke her down. He always saw her too deeply. "Ever talk to him? See him?"_  
_ She shook her head in response. "Forget it okay? It's done-Tell me about the video."_

_ The video had taken hours longer than her expectations. Most of the time she spent waiting around, as Chris was the star, even his band only peripheral players in his story. _  
_ As with most things done in front of a camera, the director's vision would not be known until the final cut. The scenes themselves weren't done in order, even though it was only a three minute rock video._  
_ She watched the stage where Chris came in the door to a bedroom. He walked unsteadily to the bed, placing his bottle of whisky on the nightstand. The glass teetered on the edge before falling onto the floor and rolling under the mattress. It was the opening scene, that much she could guess. _

_ "Rosaries placed underneath the mattress. All those memories."_

_ He dropped to his knees beside the bed, arm going underneath to search and after a moment he straightened. He raised his hand to his face, something held in its grasp. He opened his fingers to reveal a silver necklace in the palm of his hand, the pendant an elaborate cross. Chris looked so anguished Jude could almost believe it, her heart giving a twinge anyway. She even flinched when he hurled the necklace across the room. She didn't know how he could do this, dredge up those barely covered memories._

"Hey, you with me?"  
Jude started and shook her head to shake loose the past. "Uh yeah, sorry…" Her eyes flickered back to the screen as the last seconds of the video played. This was the part that made it a masterpiece. The entire video had been shot in black and white, so it had already been dramatic enough. There had been typical flashes to happier times, between her and Chris, one in bed that still made her feel strange, mostly because it reminded her of how they could have been. He had been sitting on the rumpled bed bare-chested, the sheets a conspicuous light color instead of the black in the opening scene and she lay under the covers, watching him as he played his acoustic. And as any fan girl could have wished, the guitar was dropped and the beautiful man reached for the girl he loved. But it was the unscripted ending that was the killer.

_ She was in the final scene, wearing black crinoline skirts and a black corset top with a damask weave in its fabric. She sat in a pool of fabric on a marble floor, told to look sad, heartbroken. It hadn't been hard to channel those feelings at all. And she remembered how they overwhelmed her._

_ The floor was hard and cold, she could feel it underneath the stiff, scratchy material of her skirts. Her head was bowed, long locks, courtesy of hair extensions, covering her face, until the director told her to raise it. Tears raced into her eyes, much more emotion than they had asked for. She could only see the outline of Chris offstage coming into the scene. When he reached her he crouched by her, his face so close to hers. And she could tell he knew, that she wasn't merely acting._  
_ "God Jules, don't make me do this-"_  
_ She opened her mouth to ask, but he answered her unspoken question before she could force words past her scratchy throat._  
_ "Don't make me care," he whispered, his own turmoil clear in his husky voice._  
_ She remained silent as she allowed him to place his arm under her knees and one against her back, lifting her effortlessly._

Jude and Zac watched as the man turned, back facing the camera, carrying the girl away. He didn't get far before his knees gave out and the bundle in his arms fell to the floor, the girl gone, all that remained was the clothing. It had been a great special effect, obviously added afterwards, but although altered, still decidedly haunting. It had been once of the reasons this video had been on heavy rotation on the various music channels.  
"I always thought there was something familiar about you." He couldn't believe no one in his band had caught it either. He gazed at her, trying to read her face. When he first saw her it wasn't love at first sight, not that she wasn't pretty, and no doubt she was impossibly talent, but she was distant, self-absorbed. That wasn't really right, more like she was so far inside herself she barely noticed her surroundings, people included. And yet something about Jude Harrison piqued his interest. How could he not have been intrigued by the girl who managed to get a spot with his uncle's legendary band. It should have been a strange fit, a teenage girl among a band of middle aged men. but she was too brilliant for any serious musician to believe that she hadn't earned her spot. He had to admit he hadn't been used to females overlooking him, but he'd tried not to take it personally since she didn't seem to notice anyone who wasn't part of her immediate circle of friends. It had taken him two months into this tour to even gain her friendship. What had happened after still surprised him, even though he had been in no way opposed to the how things had gone down.

_ Occasionally, he managed to convince Jude to come back to his hotel room to hang. There had been a great crowd tonight and he was still feeling the high from performing. It was pretty late when they caught an episode of True Blood on TV. Jude had her head resting on his shoulder and his arm wrapped around her shoulder casually. He couldn't hide his reaction when one of the multiple sexually charged scenes came on and when he saw the smirk on her face he knew that she had noticed. He faked a cough, moving his arm away from her. "Uh I'm kind of thirsty, you want anything?"_  
_ When he walked back over, taking an inordinately long time to do so, she seemed to be engrossed with the show. He plopped down beside her, her lips parted in a surprised silent gasp that made him snort._  
_ She glared at him in mock indignation and her eyes gleamed. "You're laughing at me?" Her eyes wandered down his chest to land pointedly south of his stomach. "You can't even watch an entire episode."_  
_ He shifted unconsciously, drawing his legs together. It was a moment before he found his voice. "That wasn't because of the show," he tried hard to sound unaffected as he attempted to rattle her instead._  
_ Not that there wasn't any hint that she was flustered, but still her tongue darted out to wet her lower lip as if she suddenly discovered that maybe he didn't want to just be her pal. She had shifted her head closer, her eyes holding his._  
_ "Jude?" And their lips met, and yet another surprise had come his way. He had never thought her as very experienced, but the way she kissed, like she was tasting every molecule of his mouth made him question his original assessment. His hand drifted onto her lower back, onto bare skin revealed by her short shirt. Their bodies shifted, his pressing hers down to the cushions. "Is this okay?" he asked against her swollen lips, unable to help the restless fingers that caressed her silky skin. _  
_ "More than," she answered firmly, before pressing her mouth to his again._

He took her hand and linked her fingers with his in a friendly gesture. "Didn't know you were into acting." He took this shot in the dark, suddenly desperate to get more information out of her.  
Jude shook her head, a small smile touching her lips. "I'm not. But I owed him."  
"Him? As in…"  
"Chris…uh JC Allen, the lead singer of The Cipher Saints."  
Zac sat up straighter, his mild curiosity replaced by full blown interest. "So you and him…"  
"Yeah for a little while. He's Jess's brother actually." She grew quiet after that, lost to him once again.  
"What's the problem?" He could tell by the way she pursed her lips that the whole topic bothered her. She had taken her hand from his, without seeming to even realize it, and started picking at the fray of her jeans.  
"Would you want a song like that written about you?" she finally asked.  
"I don't know." He drummed his fingers on the armrest as he considered.  
She stared at him in surprise, the question dancing in her blue eyes. She wondered if he understood what the song was about or if he merely listened peripherally, like Spied had, once upon a time.  
"It would mean I mattered that much, at least once."  
Jude thought about his words, hearing at least some truth in them. When Chris Allen had loved her it had made her feel incredibly special, wanted and-lovable. But ultimately she had proven that she wasn't worthy of that feeling from another, had destroyed part of him.

* * *

It was unbelievable to think that after five months they were almost finished, to be this close to done with the tour. Two more weeks. Jude stood backstage, staring at another seemingly same scene, even if the country was not familiar. And although her passport now bore more stamps than she ever thought it would, she had only seem glimpses of the areas they traveled through.  
She spun to face the person attached to the hand that suddenly rested at her hip. "Hey."  
"I have a question for you."  
"Yeah?" She cocked her head and tilted up to stare at Zac.  
"I know my uncle wants you in the studio as soon as we get back."  
She nodded, still having a hard time taking in the fact that Walt had decided to start his own label and that he had wanted her to be his first signed artist. This had once been her biggest dream and it was all she could want now. She had been so lucky to meet Walt Havoc, and she was eternally grateful he had asked her to be the second guitarist on this world tour. His bandmate Mal Stone was a recovering user, once addicted to both alcohol and much harder substances and although he had been clean for over two years, hadn't wanted to be tempted by the rock circuit culture. So even though he had helped cut the studio album, he had refused the tour. Jude had been Walt's first choice as his replacement even though she stood out like a beacon among the middle aged rockers of the band.  
"So you're gonna be pretty busy, and you said your dad got a buyer for your house."  
"Yeah I barely have enough time to get home and pack up. And look for an apartment," she sighed.  
"Move in with me-I mean, if you want."  
"Zac," she uttered in shock. "We're not, I thought you…" She wasn't sure what to say. She had been clear that she wasn't looking for a relationship with him and thought he understood. She was still uncertain if she could do serious and definitely unsure if she wanted to.  
He smirked at her speechless confusion. "Relax, I know we're not…But we are friends."  
She huffed a breath in relief.  
"I have a spare room," he elaborated.  
"Oh." She grinned at him.  
"Not that I mind if you wander into mine once in a while." He nudged her shoulder.  
"Let me think about it." Stuart had emailed her too, saying he had put a down payment on a condo and that there was a room waiting for her when she got back from tour, but Jude had hesitated about saying yes. Although her relationship with her dad wasn't as strained anymore, she wasn't sure she wanted to live with him again.  
"Let me know," he said as he got ready to head to the rehearsal room.

* * *

Tommy was shutting the laptop and gathered up his few things when Kwest came strolling in. "Hey."  
"Hey man." Kwest leaned against the soundboard and looked over at his friend.  
"What's up?"  
"You going tonight?"  
Tommy was tempted to play dumb, but decided it was pointless. "I don't think so, told Kyra I'd take her out for dinner." He nodded his head towards the hallway, where the woman was in a conversation with the receptionist.  
"Aren't you curious?"  
"About what?"  
"Pfft, you mean about who?" Kwest rolled his eyes. Although it wasn't common knowledge, he knew about the songs his best friend had written in the last year and half. The genre might vary, but the theme had remained the same and damn Tom Quincy, some of them had made it onto albums and become hits. He shook his head and stared at his best friend. "You can always go after dinner. I can't believe you would miss this."  
"Miss what?" Kyra asked, having come in to check on Tommy.  
Since Tommy did not seem inclined to fill her in, Kwest spoke up. "Havoc is back in town to close their tour."  
"Oh, didn't you produce them last year?" she asked Tommy. It was before she had become a member of the G-Major family, and wasn't her kind of music, but Havoc was a big deal in the classic rock world. Their comeback album was solid on the charts.  
"Yeah."  
"We should definitely be there." She commented, slightly puzzled herself. It made little sense that Tommy wouldn't go support the band or celebrate with them.  
Tommy nodded reluctantly, frowning at the grin he caught on Kwests' face, over her head.

* * *

He watched her unobserved, she standing among the controlled chaos, lost in a quiet moment, staring into space. She seemed perfectly at ease in the venue, and of course she should be seasoned after all these months on the road. He wished he could see the expression on her face, wondering if she was lonely or actually craved that solitude. He flashed back to a conversation that had occurred long ago; even back then he had noted how rarely he had just talked honestly to another human being.

_ "You can be in a concert full of people and still be alone Quincy. I thought you were the one person who might really understand that." She had sensed that about him, maybe not from the beginning but soon after she had gotten to know him._  
_ "You're too young to know something like that."_  
_ "Why? How old were you when you learned that?"_  
_ He didn't have a response, because he had from earliest memory felt that way. Ever since his father had abandoned his family, he had felt like the odd one out. But she wasn't like him, she had obviously experienced her own amount of pain, but she hadn't become cynical and unfeeling, so it was easy to forget that although inexperienced, she wasn't so naïve._

It was more of a surprise that her moment of stillness hadn't been interrupted sooner by the myriad of people who moved frenetically around backstage, but still he found an unwelcome stab when she finally did acknowledge her surroundings. The man who walked up to her was of medium height, medium build, nothing remarkable about him, except that he felt the right to invade her personal space. He took her hand and whispered into her ear. She turned more fully to face him, a small smile gracing her lips, her faraway eyes once again focused on the night. She nodded slowly and their hands fell apart, he moving off once again.  
Kwest blinked, wondering if he was mistaken about hearing something resembling a growl from beside him.

She heard someone call her name with only half an ear tuned, but the words 'Hey Jude,' raised her hackles automatically anyway and she spun on a dime, a ready retort ready on her lips. But when she saw the owner of the voice she had once known as well as her own, the words died on her suddenly dry tongue and the glare melted away. "Tommy," she said softly, taking in his features, noting the differences and the things that had not changed, without appearing that she did so. Indifference had been a hard learned survival skill, but perhaps she had more reason than most.

He wanted so badly to smile, smirk at that flash of heat that filled her eyes for the briefest of pauses before recognition had set in-God how he had missed that fire-But he contained himself, knowing to play his hand too soon would either anger her or send her running. He wasn't sure which was more likely quite yet. But a ghost of a grin, almost imperceptible still peeked through answering that brief spark in her eyes when she had turned to face the owner of the voice.


	26. Chapter 25

music is I Never Told You by colbie callait

**Chapter 25**

"Jude," he said her name again as if her presence was a major shock.  
"Hi Tommy," she said with little inflection in her voice.

It was ironic that he sounded surprised, when he was the one who knew she would be here. She was the one who had no idea that there was even the outside chance she would see him again. He had never appeared at any of their rehearsals before the tour even though he had been Havoc's producer. And she had finally started to relax to the idea that he would not come back into her life.  
Her eyes caught on the human distraction beside him. "Hey Kwest, it's been a while." She reached out and gave him a hug, surprising him even though he didn't let it show except for the slight widening of his eyes. Jude knew he hadn't expected it, knew they had never been that close, but it was better than the alternative of touching Tommy, which she had to fight the urge to do. He seemed so…accessible all of a sudden, no matter that they hadn't seen each other in over a year, closer to two really.  
"Good to see you Jude," Kwest replied even as he noticed the sudden heavy silence between the other two. Maybe it was a good thing Kyra had gone off to look for a restroom.  
"How have you been?" Tommy asked a little too quickly.  
Kwest actually wanted to wince for his best friend at the awkwardness evoked in that simple question. Where the hell had Tommy Q. gone?  
Jude looked down at the sticky concrete a moment before replying, "good." The almost flat tone made it sound less than true.  
"Maybe we could get a drink or something...After the show."  
She blinked at him in surprise, somehow the gesture highlighting her deep blue eyes. "I um…I don't think so. It's gonna be pretty late by the time we finish up."  
"Tomorrow?" he persisted uncharacteristically; Tom Quincy usually played it oh so cool.  
"I'll probably be pretty busy. I haven't been home in forever and I need to start packing."  
He quirked an eyebrow in question.  
She shrugged. "I'm moving into a new place," she elaborated awkwardly, hating herself for telling him anything, knowing it shouldn't have been any of his business. Before he could ask again she continued, "it was nice to see you-Guys." Jude nodded at Kwest and gave him a less than half-hearted smile before stepping back.

Kwest snickered as they watched the young blond walk off. "Smooth Quincy."  
"I think he's always smooth," Kyra commented as she put her arm around Tommy's waist.  
"Hey." Tommy cocked his head to acknowledge her, but his eyes unconsciously flicked back across the room. Unable to help himself, he focused on Jude again, to see if she would turn around. And although the backstage was dim, he could swear her eyes sought his out automatically. It was his turn to frown when the same guy who had been talking to her earlier appeared again from the stage. He saw him hand off a set of keys to her after a brief conversation and a kiss on her forehead.

Apparently the set for Zac's band, Astrid's Curse was over, because he had come up to them again. "So you're definitely not heading to the after-party?"  
Jude shook her head and arched her back, stretching the tight muscles. She had been dreaming of her bed for days now. It wasn't that the hotels hadn't been comfortable, but surprisingly she had missed home, even though when she had left she hadn't thought there was anything remaining for her. And there was a distinct possibility, now that she let herself think about it, that Tommy would be at the after concert gathering, since he had been an integral part of Walt's album.  
"Here roomie," he said as he handed her a set of keys and then proceeded to give her a mischievous grin. "You can bunk with me until you get your bed in," he said faux magnanimously.  
She gave him a small laugh and shook her head. "I'll think about it."

"Who was that guy she was talking to?" Tommy knew he had seen him somewhere before, but his vision had been too full of the slender blond to connect the dots.  
"You mean Zac? He's the guitarist for Astrid's Curse, Walt's nephew. He recorded an EP at G-Major, before the tour, with me."  
"Who are you talking about?" Kyra asked, her eyes also finding the rare woman in the room.  
Tommy looked at Kwest for a second and shook his head. "No one."  
"We should probably get to our seats," Kwest said to keep the silence from building.

* * *

Jude took the guitar handed to her, who could have guessed she would have her own collection now, courtesy of Walt, claiming that the additional instruments were needed for the stage. Her fingers found the strings as she got ready to play her favorite song off the new album. She closed her eyes, letting the notes overtake her, washing away the presence of Tom Quincy from her thoughts. It didn't matter that this song was slower than the rest, it was still enough to occupy her mind, even though it was a ballad.

"Hey, so I'm headed home now." It had taken awhile to say all her goodbyes, but she finally had her stuff gathered and Walt had offered his limo to return her home. Jude had her phone pressed between her shoulder and ear, her hands full.  
"I'll meet you there."  
"Sades I'd love to see you, but you don't have to-I mean I probably won't be staying long anyway."  
"What? I thought you weren't going to the party."  
"No. I told you I was gonna get a place when I got back. Well Zac offered, said he has a spare room." Jude could have stayed in her old house for one last night, but she after all the time on the road, she wasn't sure she wanted to be alone again. Her dad was away on a business trip and Sadie still lived in her sorority house fulltime.  
"Jude don't you think it's kind of fast? You haven't been with him that long. Just because your first boyfriend was serious…"  
Jude snickered as she changed her phone to the opposite ear so that she could open the emergency door. "I know Sadie-" Before she could reassure her sister, Sadie talked on.  
"Jude you're 18. It doesn't have to be ever after when you meet a guy you're interested in."  
"I know. He knows." Although Sadie could be kind of bossy, Jude knew it was only because she cared.  
"He knows?" Sadie asked skeptically.  
"I told him in the beginning I couldn't do a relationship. He's fine with what we have."  
Sadie frowned. To put conditions on a hookup in this day and age wasn't at all unusual. But Jude wasn't a casual kind of girl, even with the mistakes she had made. Sadie would never say it out loud, but she knew Jude had been serious about both Tommy and Chris.

The front swung wide, banging against the wall as the two women entered the room. "Whoops," Jude muttered, a suitcase in one hand and her duffel bag in the other.  
Sadie meanwhile held a small cardboard box, her eyes scanning the sparse area as she dropped it on the first surface she could find, which happened to be one of those dated breakfast bar's, complete with a vinyl finish, that separated the kitchen from the living room. "Uh nice…" she said sarcastically. "Jude are you sure about turning dad down?" Although it was late after Jude had thrown as many of her dirty clothes in the washer as she could fit, at home Sadie had insisted on coming over with her.  
"It's not that bad," Jude said more enthusiastically than she actually felt. It was typical of course, a young twenty something guy was probably not the most interested in furniture and decorating. The walls were empty, one of them exposed brick, except for a couple of band posters, the living room area only contained a futon sofa, a coffee table stacked full of mail, including a large delivery box on the floor next to it and the requisite flat screen T.V. with a Xbox underneath on a milk crate. In the corner were a couple of guitars on stands and a couple of boxy amps.  
Sadie simply gave her sister that 'no bullshit' look and Jude could only shrug. "I'm only staying until I can find a place."  
"Jude you don't think…" Sadie trailed off.  
"What?"  
"I mean I know I haven't met Zac or anything, but-Don't you think maybe the fact that he asked you to stay with him is-I don't know." Sadie sighed as she watched her sisters' eyes darken.  
"We're friends Sadie. That's all."  
"Yeah friends that sleep together," Sadie mumbled, rolling her eyes.  
"So what?! It was the tour."  
Sadie fought not to roll her eyes again; as if that explained anything. And if it did, then her sister was more removed from normal than she had thought possible. Then again where was normal in graduating from high school then immediately going on a major worldwide rock tour, then coming home to find a record contract waiting? Sadie knew she shouldn't be jealous, Jude had gone through a lot in the last few years. Her life hadn't exactly been easy. "So it won't happen again?"  
Jude rolled her eyes and let out a frustrated noise, halfway between a growl and a groan. "It's nothing Sades. We spent a lot of time together. It just happened. That's all."  
"Okay, okay."

* * *

Jude woke up, feeling still incredibly tired, her eyes blinking against the harsh glare of the sun peeking into the window where the venetian blinds failed to cover. Damn boys and their inability to even buy proper curtains. The press of a body against her back, surprised her for just a split-second, before she relaxed against him again. She was in his bed after all and although she had crashed alone, he would have had to come home at some point. She felt slightly uncomfortable as she remembered Sadie's badgering from last night. And even though they had slept together more than once it had been rare for them to literally sleep together. With the way Zac's band always sought him out Jude rarely felt comfortable staying the night with him in either of their room's. Zac was still snoring slightly, apparently the bright light hadn't bothered him at all. Jude shifted a little and managed to lift his arm off of her so that she could slide off the bed.  
She left the bedroom, trying to remember if she had seen a coffeemaker last night. If not she wondered if her dad would mind if she took theirs, but either way she was determined there would be one here as long as she was staying. Jude noted distantly that the box that had been next to the coffee table was gone, even though the mail seemed to still be in the same piles, as she made a beeline for the kitchen. She gave a small sigh when she spied the black coffeemaker sitting on the counter, before she frowned, wondering if there was actually coffee to go with the machine. Zac had been gone for months and she found herself giving a small prayer as she reached for a random cabinet door. In the third cabinet she opened she hit pay dirt, wondering abstractedly why the unopened bag was so far away from the maker.  
"Hey," he said in a low voice, causing her to spin around in surprise. He gave a low chuckle, staring at her from his sleepy lidded brown eyes, his brown hair tousled in the cutest possible way.  
"Morning," she replied, her hands already trying to break the seal of the stupid vacuum packed foil bag.  
"Leave that for a sec." He held his hand out to her, grinning when she frowned and reluctantly put the beans down. "I want to show you something."  
He pulled her into the center of the living room, facing the corner where his guitars were stored. At first she didn't know what she was supposed to notice, but then her eyes landed on the silver frame.  
"I had an extra one kicking around, figured you'd want to jam whenever."  
It was a guitar stand, shiny and seemingly new, despite what he had just said. "Thanks," Jude said slowly, surreptitiously glancing at his face, trying to read him.

* * *

She wasn't sure what woke her up, but when she blinked open her eyes, dim light from the lowest setting of his nightstand lamp lit the bedroom. She sat up and pushed her mass of unruly auburn hair out of her face.  
He was sitting at the end of the bed, his shoulders hunched, his attention on something in front of him.  
She crawled to the edge and looked over his shoulder at words written in his music journal. She had tried to get a hold of the notebook, but he kept it hidden most of the time. "What are you writing?" she asked curiously, trying to make out what lyrics that weren't scratched out. It was obvious he had been working on this for a while now.  
Tommy jumped in surprise before closing the book quickly and putting it on the bed beside him. Ever since seeing her again, these words had been floating around in his mind insistently, trying to etch themselves to already half-formed notes. The things he had not dared say to her. "Nothing, just uh something I had stuck in my head."  
"Can I see?" she asked curiously, knowing if he chose to give her anything he created would boost her career. She had been trying to get him to write something for her, but he had always been hesitant and they hadn't been together long enough yet, for her to push him too hard. She understood men and their boundaries, and it took a special touch to get past someone so well guarded as Tom Quincy. He had been in this business too long to trust easily. She could not know about the other woman he was even this moment thinking about; she who had brought down his walls simply by being.  
"No, it's not ready yet-And it's not really your style." It's not for you. He had been doing so good, barely thought about her these days, okay well maybe barely was stretching it, but less than in the beginning. Unfortunately a random song on the radio could make him want to talk with her, either because he thought she would like it, or she would comment on it or even simply because in some way it reminded him of something they had once worked on. Anything by Kings of Leon usually had him flashing back to her birthday.  
"But you could make it my style," she said in puzzlement, unaware of how far she pushed him. "Just change the beat a little, speed it up. You're a musical genius."  
"It's a ballad, not some forgettable dance song with a catchy beat," he snapped.  
"I-" she blinked at him, wondering why she had never been able to voice her anger towards him.  
"Look I know I'm probably keeping you up. Why don't you go home and get some sleep. You have an early session and all."  
"Tommy…"  
"I'll see you tomorrow," he dismissed picking up his guitar from beside the dresser and sliding his fingers, across the familiar strings.  
He ignored her stare and her movements as she picked her clothes off the chair. He barely acknowledged her 'goodbye'.

* * *

Jude sat on the couch with her guitar waiting for her session with her new producer, Jared Reichert, to begin. She was still learning, but had already managed to impress him with what she already knew. With one song under her belt, she was starting to regain her old confidence. Although it had been great playing with Havoc, it was like home to play her own music.  
"Jude have you thought about which song you want to do next?"  
"Well I-"  
"I'm asking, because I have something I think would be perfect for you," he interrupted. "I know you write your own stuff, but how do you feel about trying it out?"  
"Uh yeah I guess," Jude said hesitantly, unsure for obvious reasons. She wanted to trust her producer, but they simply hadn't known one another that long.  
"Hey it can't hurt to look at it right?" Zac piped in from his spot on the couch in the corner of the room. He was hanging with her today, having no studio time at G-Major where his own contract had been signed before the tour. He was going to look into breaking it so he could work for his uncle instead, but his band mates were on the fence about that one. G-Major was a much bigger company after all and they figured could do better promoting them.

Jared took a piece of sheet music from a folder and handed it to Jude before getting up and walking out of the room. "Take a look. I'll be right back."

She got up and sat beside Zac so he could look at the song too. Jude read the lyrics through once; simple, honest and there was something special there.

"Huh, a love song," Zac commented.  
As she scanned the words again, Jare came back. He sat down at his regular seat behind the soundboard and attached a flash drive to the laptop. "Here. Listen," he said quietly before playing the music.

Disturbed out of her reverie abruptly, her ears tuned to the chords. She knew that melody! It wasn't the stripped down bare soul of acoustic strings, but that hardly mattered. She absolutely had heard it before; it might have remained dormant in her heart, but she had never been able to erase the purity of the music. His voice was still so clear in her head.

"Sit for a minute. I want you to hear this."

Unable to help herself, her artistic heart automatically placed the words to the music wafting from the speakers.

_I miss those blue eyes, how you kiss me at night_  
_I miss the way we sleep_  
_Like there's no sunrise, like the taste of your smile_  
_I miss the way we breathe_

_But I never told you what I should have said_  
_No, I never told you, I just held it in_

_And now I miss everything about you_  
_I can't believe it, I still want you_  
_And after all the things we've been through_  
_I miss everything about you, without you_

_I see your blue eyes every time I close mine_  
_You make it hard to see_  
_Where I belong to, when I'm not around you_  
_It's like I'm not with me_

_But I never told you what I should have said_

_No, I never told you, I just held it in_

_And now I miss everything about you_  
_(Still, you're gone)_  
_I can't believe it, I still want you_  
_(And I'm lovin' you, I never should've walked away)_  
_After all the things we've been through_  
_(I know it's never gonna come again)_  
_I miss everything about you, without you_

_But I never told you what I should have said_  
_No, I never told you, I just held it in_

_And now I miss everything about you_  
_(Still, you're gone)_  
_I can't believe it, I still want you_  
_(And I'm lovin' you, I never should've walked away)_  
_After all the things we've been through_  
_(I know it's never gonna come again)_  
_I miss everything about you, without you_

She closed her eyes, trying to calm herself, even as the pretty melody tormented her. "Motherfucker." She opened her eyes to see the men with identical expressions, two sets of eyes wide. "Er sorry." Being on tour for months surrounded by guys had not exactly improved her vocabulary.  
"Is there something wrong with the song Jude?" Jared asked carefully, his brown eyes shining with confusion.  
Jude swallowed, before forcing herself to answer, "No, he's a great writer." She had forgotten that Jared had worked at G-Major, showing up to freelance after The Cipher Saints had left. Walt had convinced him to give his new studio a try.  
"He?" Zac asked in puzzlement, staring down at the lyrics in her hand. There were only the initials T.D. on the bottom of the sheet.  
Jude shrugged a shoulder, forcing the nonchalance that supported her seeming indifference. "I just assumed…" she trailed off. Her eyes met Jareds' trying to convey her need for his silence.  
"So what do you think?" Her producer asked, diverting Zac's attention.  
Jude's fingers tightened on the paper, making the page crinkle. "I uh…I have to go." She jumped up, barely noticing that she still held the sheet in her death grip.  
"What?" Jared asked in puzzlement, as Zac stood up also.  
"Are you okay?" Zac asked, searching her face, his brown eyes showing much more concern than she was comfortable with.  
She forced herself to meet his gaze. "I'm fine, I just…There's somewhere I forgot I had to be." She looked past Zac at her producer. "Sorry Jare, I have to go."  
The slight girl was out the door before either of them could stop her.  
"What was that?" Zac asked rhetorically, not expecting an answer from the other man.  
"I don't think she liked the song."  
Zac gave him a questioning look, but he did not elaborate.


	27. Chapter 26

**Chapter 26**

Jude stood in front of the main desk, her eyes staring daggers down at the receptionist who, as yet, had failed to acknowledge her presence. "I need to see Tom Quincy. Is he recording right now?" she said loudly enough to disturb the girl from her paperwork.  
"Is he expecting you? Otherwise you'll need to make an appointment." the brunette said in a snotty tone, her stare making sure to let Jude know she was insignificant.  
"Is he in his regular studio?" Jude asked, instead of answering, crossing her arms across her chest.  
"If he's not expecting you, you won't be able to go in."  
"Look," she glanced down at the brass name plate, "Melissa, I really need to…"  
"No, you look. You think you're the only fan to try and-"  
"Jude?" The two women turned to look at the owner of the voice.  
"Kwest…" Jude sighed in relief at the familiar face. "I need to see Tommy. Do you know where he is?"  
He nodded. "Yeah, I just left him in his office. He's doing some paperwork."  
"Thanks," Jude said, already moving past him.  
"Wait," Melissa demanded. "She can't just wander-"  
"Don't worry about it," Kwest reassured, still staring after the retreating blond. He turned his attention back to the woman behind the desk and gave her a big smile. "How are you today?"

Tommy was staring down at papers that really did not interest him, when the noise of his office door opening abruptly drew his pale gaze up. Even though he had been expecting her, a strange jolt still went through his body at seeing her there again.

As had always been typical with Jude there were no preliminaries. "What is your problem Quincy? Why would you do that?!"  
His eyes narrowed as he stared back at her hard. "I don't know what you're accusing me of Harrison. I didn't do anything."  
She threw the crumpled sheet, that she had not let go of all the way there, onto his desk. "Are you that bored or something? You don't have anything better to do than play games with me? What's the matter, couldn't find someone gullible enough to jump into bed with you?" Jude practically spat the last sentence, hating that even now the idea hurt just the littlest bit.  
Tommy always relaxed when he had the upper hand. He took the page off the surface, flattening it as best as he could, and skimming it briefly, even though he already knew what it was, before glancing back up at her. Seeing that spark in her eyes, knowing that she still cared, calmed him. He sat back in his chair casually. "I'm seeing someone Jude," he said with an amused smirk, that had her pulling up short, confusion replacing her anger. "In fact she's an artist here."  
Jude suddenly felt hurdled back to her past insecurities as she stared at the beautiful man in front of her. Yet again she was embarrassing herself because of him. "Oh…Yours?" she finally got out. He had a girlfriend? There was an uncomfortable pang in the vicinity of her heart at the thought.  
"No, Kwests'."  
"Good for Kwest," she said, genuine warmth finally entering her voice. She was glad he had made producer.  
He nodded to acknowledge her words. "I was with her at the concert," he said casually as if merely to jog her memory.  
She nodded slowly, unable not to remember every single thing that had concerned him that night. She had even found herself asking Zac if anyone interesting had showed up at the after party. "Then why the song Tommy?"  
He had to hide the grin at the sound of his name coming from her lips. "Did you like it?," he asked instead.  
"Of…Of course," she shook her head, thrown off again, "I …I like all your stuff."  
His shrug was nonchalant, signature Tommy Q. "You helped make the music. I thought you deserved to have it."  
He sounded so reasonable she wanted to smack him, because despite the seemingly good intention, she didn't trust it. She couldn't let herself trust him. But what if he was telling the truth? Righting some old wrongs, at least ones he perceived. "Um," she shrugged helplessly, "what can I say? All apologies."  
He brushed away the apology, something he had always been good at doing with any subject that failed to interest. "Are you going to use it? I thought-Your voice would be good with it."  
"I…I don't know." It suddenly hit her that she was here. She had never imagined being here again, being near him again. What the hell had she been thinking? She obviously hadn't been thinking, letting her anger override what little commonsense she possessed. She had known better than to put herself anywhere near Tommy Quincy.

Kwest was still flirting with Melissa when his artist came walking in. "Hey Kyra." He nodded at her as she joined them at the desk. "You don't have any studio time today."  
"I know. Thought I'd convince the workaholic to take me out to lunch." She was obviously dressed to impress the former boybander, in a tight fitting black dress with stylish long sleeves that flared at the wrist.  
"Uh actually Tommy might be busy…" Kwest started, his eyes going to Melissa, trying to warn her not to mention the strange visit from Jude. He was a little surprised she had lasted this long in his office. Then again knowing his friend, maybe not so surprised.

Tommy nodded, seeming to accept her indecision about the song. In his gut he knew her well enough to know that she would recognize how special it was and he could not blame her being wary anyway. "Have you eaten?"  
"Huh?"  
"Food? Lunch?"  
She shook her head, so unused to this light, seemingly not intense version of him that she barely recognized. Sure there had been moments when she had glimpsed him, but she had tried to make herself forget.  
"There's a new sushi place that we could try. I heard some good things about it."  
"I…" She knew spending any time with him was a bad idea.  
"I'll buy."  
"You don't have to…" She had never felt so at loss for words before.  
"I have a new ride," he added as he stood up and grabbed the leather off the back of his chair to throw on.

Jude stood automatically, seemingly unable to deny him. When had she ever been able to say no to him? When had she ever wanted to? "Oh, what is it? Something fast? Or big?"  
"You'll just have to see," he grinned at her.  
Jude bit her bottom lip, heading out the door first, striding into the hallway still in a partial daze, not taking in the new décor that she had not noticed coming in.  
"Harrison," he called as he closed the door behind him, taking his time.  
As she turned back part way, he tossed car keys in her direction. She couldn't help, but laugh as she fumbled the catch, barely managing to hold onto the metal loop. His answering grin made her heart skip a beat. "Try it out," he called as he walked towards her.

Although they were headed out the back of the building, away from them, their interaction was still clear to anyone watching. The upward tilt of his lips had Kyra frozen. Since she had known him, she had never seen that lighthearted smile before. Hell he rarely showed much emotion at all. Tommy had always been somewhat of an enigma to her.  
Kwest hadn't really cared to know what the nature of Tommy and Kyra's relationship consisted of, but there was a good shot that it wasn't serious. Tommy's history wasn't exactly filled with long-term relationships or actually many relationships at all. His interaction with Jude, the girl who had been taken, had been more relationship like than anything Kwest had seen from his friend. "So how's that song coming along?" he asked to distract her.  
"I'm still having some trouble with the bridge. Think you could take a look?"  
"That's what I get paid for."  
"Kwest, who was that?"  
"Old friend," he answered vaguely, suddenly appearing interested in the gold albums on the wall.  
"She didn't look old enough to have history." Kyra knew Tommy did not do monogamy. She had heard the rumors over the years. But she had written off that girl on sight, figuring she should have been too young to be an issue.  
Kwest shrugged and hit her with a truth that confused her that much more. "He let her pilot his ride." He did not know Kyra all that well, except that she was one of many to flock to his friend. It was hard to entirely trust her motives though, in this profession. "So you have the song?" he asked, trying to deflect her from the question he guessed was coming and was not her business.  
"Yes, in my purse."  
And Kwest had to wonder why she would have brought the sheet music on a date with Quincy. Of course he knew the singer was more interested in Tommy's opinion and musical help than his own. He had to admit it stung a little, that he was still proving himself, even if he freely admitted that Tommy was a great producer.

They sat at the counter, two Japanese chefs on the other side preparing their lunch. Jude slid her fingers along the uneven surface of the straw placemat in front of her, awareness of him beside her, coursing through her every breath.  
"Did you like the tour?" Tommy asked before taking a sip of sake, his hand dwarfing the small white porcelain cup. And she knew that his question was genuine, not just polite conversation to break the uneasiness between them. Mirroring his movement, she took a sip of tea before answering him. "It was amazing."  
He did not know this version of Jude, the one who could reply with one word answers. The girl she had been had always had an opinion, something to say, if not directly then in her music. "But?"  
"I was never really away from home before, not that long anyway." By the time she had started the tour, missing him had become routine, and she pushed the old feelings down, reflexively, as they threatened to surface. Her hand moved to the wooden chopsticks, before she finally had the nerve to turn her head fully towards him.  
He nodded in understanding, having gone through the same thing what seemed like too many years ago. "A lot to take in." Once upon a time he had been a small town boy and the first taste of success had been overwhelming. Of course she was a bit older than he had been, back in the beginning of Boyz Attack, but he had become jaded quickly.  
"Exactly. And it's kind of funny." A small smile graced her full lips, drawing his eyes like a magnet.  
"What?"  
"We went to so many places-But after we were done, it was like we were never really there."  
"I remember." And for a brief second their eyes met, erasing time and resurrecting a connection they had both tried to deny was real.  
Jude turned her head and took another sip of tea, relief evident as the chef placed the first plate of maki rolls in front of them. She didn't fail to notice the intimacy of sharing the food, as if they were together.

They walked out into the sunny day side by side, not touching, but something palpable was still tangible between them. Tommy turned towards her, his hand going to her elbow to halt her walk towards his car.  
The question in her eyes made him want to smile. "It's good to see you again Harrison."  
"You too Quincy." It was the truth, even though there were so many reasons her head was telling her that it wasn't right for her to feel that way. His hesitation made her look him square in the face, something she had been avoiding.  
"I don't want this to be a one time thing."  
Jude shrugged, the movement causing him to drop his arm. "Tommy…"  
"We were good together," he continued quickly at her frown, "as friends" he elaborated.  
'Friends?' she puzzled. Had they ever had friendship? She wasn't quite sure. He sincerely seemed to believe they had been though.  
"It's just hanging out Jude."  
Jude nodded slightly, squinting up at him.  
"I'll call you." He lowered his voice without realizing it.  
Even though he said it, she still didn't quite believe, so she said simply, "okay." There was no real reason for him to call. Right?

* * *

***

He looked up from his guitar, as Jude cleared her hair from the collar of her leather jacket while walking towards the front door. Although they were now living together, Jude still held onto her own life and friends. She was always quick to include him, but he had what amounted to a fulltime job, with creating his own album.  
"Where you headed?"  
Jude hesitated a bare second before turning fully to Zac to reply. "Grabbing some lunch with a friend. Uh you wanna join?"  
He shook his brown hair, studying her face surreptitiously, wondering which of her friends it was this time. It had taken him a while to get used to the idea that all of her friends seemed to be guys. And he had speculated if any of them had been a 'friend' the way he had. "I have a rehearsal in 40 minutes. Spied and the guys?"  
"Un no, another friend, Tommy." For some reason she hoped he wouldn't make the connection. Tommy was a pretty common name after all and why would she know one of the producers at his work. Jude wasn't really sure if he had met Tommy at G-Major or not. Tommy had never mentioned it and she had never brought Zac up. It wasn't that she had something to hide or that she owed Zac anything, but she was afraid giving too much away would lead back to the past.  
"Maybe I'll catch up with you for dinner."  
"Yeah," she nodded. "See you," she said before letting herself out.

****

* * *

He raised his head and stopped her with a look that she never thought she'd see again. Her immobile form made his mouth turn down into a look of confusion instead, causing her to move once again. She had thought she had shut off that part of the brain that gave warning bells at the idea of seeing Tommy Quincy again, but here she was, breath quickened in anticipation or apprehension she wasn't sure. Being confused around him was pretty common though so she didn't let it stop her. Jude slid into the booth across from him, glad that at least they weren't hidden away in the corner like they had once been. This was crazy; it wasn't even the first time since the concert that they had gotten together, not even the second time. The first time had been when she had gotten a text with one word: coffee. Of course she had been unable to not respond then. She had never been capable of ignoring Tommy Quincy.  
"Hey," she said casually as he looked up from the newspaper to meet her eyes.  
"Hey," he said in his gravelly voice.  
"Any interesting news?"  
He finally raised his eyes to meet hers, a small smile gracing his lips. "Not really. Do you know what you want?"  
"What?" she blinked at him, unsure of what he meant before shaking her head and pulling a menu from underneath his paper. She concentrated on the food choices, giving herself time to center herself again. It was a horrible idea to agree to see him again. There was too much history, at least on her end.  
He watched her, her bottom lip between her teeth almost distracted him from studying the emotions flashing across her face.  
"How's the music coming?" he asked, hoping more than knowing that this would make her feel more at ease.  
"Mm slower than I thought it would be."  
"Yeah? Let me know if you need another ear."  
"Um sure, thanks." Her phone started to ring at that moment and they both glanced towards it on the tabletop. Jude hesitated, not wanting to be rude.  
"Take it."  
She did as he said and answered her sisters' call. "Hey Sadie."  
As her attention was occupied by her sister he studied her face. Were her lips fuller than he remembered, her eyes darker?  
"Not much," Jude answered slowly, her eyes darting to the man across from her, then away again. "Just grabbing some lunch?"  
"No!" Jude said sharply. "I'm um with a friend."  
"No one you know." She tried desperately to ignore the suddenly burning gaze on her.  
"No. I'll call you later, k?"  
"Bye Sades." Jude hung up and drank some water before looking up slowly at Tommy.  
His raised eyebrow was enough to make her want to look away again. "So how is Sadie?"  
She was saved from answering when the waitress came up to take their orders. She only hoped he hadn't noticed that she had avoided mentioning him to her sister.

***

* * *

It only took him two tries to unlock the door and he even caught it before it swung hard enough to bang against the wall. His eyes wandered slowly around the dim room until they focused on the figure on his couch. His grin was instant as he swaggered slowly towards her.  
"Hey," she said, her head turned towards him, her smile wide.  
Zac dropped down beside her, barely giving her time to move out of the way. He had always found it amusing how the slight girl was able to take up so much couch space. He reached out and pushed the hair from her face, tucking the strands behind her ear, his fingers grazing her smooth cheek. "Hey pretty girl."  
"Good night?"  
"Yeah, Kill had a blast," he answered referring to his bands' drummer Killian Reed, whos' birthday they had been celebrating with a prerequisite bar crawl. It had been their thing since they had become a band. "Did you do anything?"  
Jude shook her head. "I just hung out, tried to do some writing."  
"You should have come," he said as he caught her blue eyes with his slightly glazed ones. He leaned closer and brushed his lips lightly to hers. When she didn't stop him, he deepened the kiss. For a long moment she responded, almost opening her mouth to his persuasion. But she managed to stop her instinctive response and pulled back.  
"I can't do this." She shook her head as if to clear it. It would be a lie to say Zac wasn't tempting, but…. There were just so many reasons it was a bad idea, they banged around in her brain.  
Her agitation must have shown more than she thought because he brushed her bare shoulder lightly. "Hey it's okay. I'm gonna head to bed."  
She nodded as he stood unsteadily, leaning over to press his lips to her forehead before weaving towards his room. She sat there long after the silence had once again taken over.

Jude rubbed the sleep from her eyes as she exited her bedroom, her eyes going to the shirtless guy eating a bowl of cereal at the breakfast bar. "You're up early," she commented as she went to the fridge for juice.  
"You know me," he replied smugly as he took another spoonful of the soggy, colorful rings.  
Jude rolled her eyes and shook her head as she turned back to him, taking a sip of her orange juice. "I hate you." Although she had seen Zac drink to excess occasionally, she had never seen him with more than a mild hangover.  
"Jealous?" Zac grinned as she sat down on a stool beside him.  
"Maybe." She grinned back.  
He put his spoon in the bowl and turned more fully to face her. "J, can I ask you something?"  
"Of course." Jude tucked a stray strand behind her ear and waited for his question.  
"Did you ever think-There could be more- For us?"  
Jude didn't answer right away, her mind had wandered back.

_ "So tell me about the name?" She said as she leaned back against the headboard. They were tucked in for the night, at some hotel she had failed to catch the name of._  
_ He took a swig from the brown bottle that he held by its neck, the condensation already sliding onto the sheets. "Of the band?" _  
_ Jude nodded as she took her own sip of the bitter brew._  
_ "Kills' mom's name was Astrid."_  
_ "That's sweet." Jude said, surprised too that a bunch of edgy guys would go with something so prosaic as a mom's name. "And the curse?"_  
_ He coughed into his other hand, for the first time displaying any hint of discomfiture in front of her. "Love is the curse," he said plainly, meeting her eyes as he spoke._  
_ "Why?" she whispered, even though deep down she suspected she might feel the same way._  
_ "She chose love over self-preservation every time."_  
_ "Was it a choice?" she asked softly, unable to hide her own conflicted emotions._  
_ "I don't know."_

There was a moment, back then. The fact that he hadn't blown off her question, hadn't made light of the name of his band; it could have meant something. But Jude hadn't let it. And now…And now seeing Tommy again had brought a frightening clarity. She was too easily swayed by her own feelings. She didn't want to be a liar or cheater again.  
She looked up at him. "Zac…Yeah." Jude nodded as she spoke. "But it's not something I can want."  
"What does that even mean J? You're eighteen. You're fucking amazing."  
I'm poison. She wanted to say. She shook her head instead. "I'm not good at relationships. I'm selfish and-"  
"Is this because of Allen?" Bewilderment was plain in his voice.  
"Kind of. Not really. It doesn't matter why."  
"It matters to me."  
"Dammit Zac I told you. I can't. I won't. You're my friend."  
"What about when we were on tour?"  
"That…" Her eyes were brimming with emotions, too many to separate. "That wasn't real."


End file.
